You know you are addicted to something when you keep looking for it or reaching out for it. I realised that I may be addicted to my phone. I say this hiding behind my hand…I actually want to hide away.
My phone died as I got onto the train to Nairobi from Mombasa. Before you judge, let me say that no, I don’t have a power bank and maybe I should get one, but the bigger reason was that power went out in the morning before we left so my plan to charge my phone was bust. After all, I do have one of those phones that hold charge well.
Anyway, back to the story…I am the kind who takes pictures of nature or am chatting or reading something on my phone. My life is on and around my phone and until this moment I didn’t realise how much. So here I am reaching out for it to check and it is blank; dark screen; nothing; nada. Wah!!! That was a new place. I hadn’t really intended to work on the trip but what else to do when my travel companions were asleep and I could use the laptop to charge my phone?
It got me thinking though, that there are aspects of my life that I am not aware of. Don’t get me wrong, I knew what I was working on, I knew when I was getting up and all but there were habits hidden under the layers of life that have been coming up one by one to be dealt with and my phone activity has just popped up. For a while now, I have said that I have hold over my phone and how I can control my use and interaction. Ha! That isn’t really looking true right now.
As I have spent time working on what I eat, how much I eat, when I eat, how often I exercise, how intensely I exercise and seeing the results, I have found heightening awareness of the rest of my life. It is heightened to the point that I can see the places I am lying to myself about things. So how addicted am I to my phone? Very! How do I know? Because the separation anxiety I felt this afternoon as I sat on the train with a dead phone was too real.
A phone isn’t a bad thing really but the hold it has on me is what caught my attention. In all honesty, my phone is important because of the nature of my work. I am consistently writing, posting, reading and all those essential online tasks yet I suddenly realised that I was too connected to it and I need to find ways to actively disconnect. It was easier before I was in this line of work but I need to find a method and the Father who has helped me to make the life change will help me make the phone change.
Something has to be done and soon and I know it is possible and I am excited to do this thing. Why am I confident I can do it? look at me seventy two days into my life shift making better choices than I have made in the last few years. As we packed to travel we opted to make juice to carry that we can account for the sweetness instead of buying soda on the way. We opted to look for healthy snacks as long as is possible. Even as I have been away on holiday I have been waking up and working out every day just as I do at home.
Oh if I have grown so much in one area, surely what about disconnecting from my phone will be impossible to do? I am sure that we can conquer this.
For nothing is impossible with God.