Oh So Demanding!

Why are we so demanding? What do I mean?

Well, we judge people by how often they look for us, visit us, think of us, call us. We say they have changed when they don’t reach out often even before we reach out to them. We get upset when our birthdays aren’t remembered or our boss doesn’t recognise our effort, or our colleague throws us under the bus to get out of trouble.

In my life, I was like that until it all came crashing down. I am no longer one to judge you by what you do or don’tdo but it didn’t come automatically. I had to learn it. Let me explain.

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It dawned on me one day when I was down and no one knew how to deal with me in that state that most people around me are here because of what I can give not who I am. As heartbreaking as that was I begun to interrogate my relationships starting from my home and birth family going out and it was true. I was strong and useful and capable and never had a bad day or a down day. I was always on point, on time, on task, on cue regardless of the personal cost.

I joined a fellowship where I expected to be embraced in the usual fashion but felt below par and ignored for whatever reason and it broke me. I sulked, whined, fretted, fussed the whole carousel till I landed flat on my face before God saying life was unfair. He simply said, “It seems so because you are looking to others to make you happy when you should be looking to me.”

Ah! What? How was that possible? We talk all the time, I come to you, I ask you? How aren’t I looking at you my Father? That started the longest 3 or so years of my life because I was determined to understand what He was saying and He showed up. He taught me just how unimportant I was unless to most unless I was meeting needs; then He turned the mirror on how I valued people based on the need they met or the gap they filled. What? I did it too? I just wanted to run and hide.

God is so wise because now that He had my attention, he could explicitly show me how important I am to Him.

He taught me to ask only Him for what I need and watch as He provided. He taught me who to expect what from and who to leave alone and when I looked back the only person I could expect anything from was Him.

It was so harsh that even my natural family didn’t factor in the people I could rely on unless HE has said so. He’s my ONLY source so if you look at me and walk by without even a flicker of recognition, I’m good. If you complain we aren’t supporting you yet you did the exact thing to me, I’m good. If you forget me until you need help, I’m good. If you visit everyone except me, I’m good.

But…I’m only good if God remains everything I need

My advise… Find you in God’s plan, not how you were raised because we are doing madness in that process, but how God created you and be that… The rest will work itself out

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