I am tired or circling around over and over because when I go into vortex everything else stops
I have noticed a disparity between what God has said my life will represent and how it is now. The gap has me wondering if I am walking as I should, if I have done something to be so alone or if this is just a part of process. I know that a great part of my walk would be alone and in seclusion but sometimes I wonder what I have to connect to or understand so that being close to God becomes a lasting and stabilising reality. So if He has said it is part of my walk then the first thing I need to do is accept it, the same way Sarah accepted her barrenness and that Abraham could not defend her.
I had never really thought about Sarah’s walk that way.
The promise of God had been circulating over their lives for a long time and she was over ninety when she had Isaac. Can you imagine the wait? She even tried to help God in His plan and that was the advent of drama between her, Abraham, Hagar and Ishmael. She didn’t have the help of a community or a consistent reminder of God’s word from an external source. She had to find and build her relationship with God to remain committed to the cause. Yes, she had to make the choice.
This means that I too have to make the very same choice.
Genesis 15 tells the story of God blessing Abraham with the certainty of generations that are as many as the stars of the sky and the sand on the earth. Holding on to that promise was simple in the beginning but the test to pass was the ability to hold onto God’s word in faith despite her advancing age. Abraham also struggled with the promise and asked God severally about his generations. Even repeated confirmations of the promise would at times be challenged by doubt because of her current physical circumstances. However, change comes. The woman we meet in Genesis 21 has totally changed and is very clear about what must happen… Hagar had to leave.
She walks up to Abraham and says to him, “Cast out this bondwoman and her son; for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, namely with Isaac.” What had happened? She had met God and been shifted to a place of absolute faith no matter what or who didn’t come on board. She was certain that her life and her son’s life was guaranteed in God. She was now certain that all God had said would come to pass no matter what.
She had learnt that confidence and help have to come from Him who has orchestrated the process for it to be accurate in strengthening the lifestyle He has ordained. If help comes from anyone else it will create death. She had to learn what to look for and where to find this true strength and help. God didn’t judge or destroy her for her initial challenges but provided the backup she needed to stand.
This reminds me that in God there is no condemnation. That is His promise to me and then He moves it further and has taken my ‘seeming mistakes’ into consideration to cause them to work for my good. Now, when I realise something is off track and it feels like I am losing it, I stop and remind myself several things aloud: there is no condemnation; His word does not return to Him void but produces ALL He sent it out to do and nothing shocks my Father neither is He caught unawares. There is nothing else to hold onto.
“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower, And bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. “For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills, Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Isaiah 55:10-12 NKJV