Category Archives: The Simple Life

This catergory caters for articles that cover different aspects of our daily lives from relationships, to success tips, to the happenings of the day. It is light and interactive

Laughter is the best way.

I laugh and smile easily, even in difficult times. Sometimes people think I am always happy, fake it, or do not deal with issues, yet that is far from the truth.

Why do I smile? I smile because I choose joy daily as my source of strength. My smile comes from very deep and is very broad. My laugh comes from the depths of my soul. My eyes join with every smile and laugh. My heart beats stronger with every smile and laugh. I literally feel lifted whenever I laugh or smile. It never matters how painful the circumstances are, you can always find a laugh or a smile within me.

Smiles and laughter do not mean I never experience or cause pain. It just means I have found my way to deal with life in every circumstance. I find that no matter how hard the situation there is always something to be joyful and grateful about. Do not get me wrong…there is pain but there are also ways to deal with pain that do not include a consistently long face.

It took me a long time to understand how important smiling and laughter are for my sanity. A few years ago, after a long stressful period, I reconnected with an old friend who mentioned that I have a beautiful smile but didn’t show it often enough. Due to the state of my life and emotions at the time, I laughed and didn’t believe him immediately.

It did not matter that the world could see the beauty radiating from me, as long as I could not see it, it remained something I didn’t understand or fully explored. At that moment, I was so caught up in surviving that I had forgotten how to smile and laugh fully. It was as if some of me had died along the way and I could not recover it. I did not believe him and he challenged me to look at myself in the mirror and smile…really smile then tell him what I found.

When you lose something valuable or important, it is easy to get caught up in the sense of loss and be unable to recover it. I had lost my joy in life because my heart had broken repeatedly. In some instances, it was others who broke it and in others, it was my own doing. I did not see my handprint at first but in time, after deep reflection, I saw it and could not blame others.

It was hard and at the start my smiles were fake but over time they became bigger and more beautiful. sometimes I would take calls with people who make me laugh as I stood in front of the mirror to see my smile and how my eyes twinkle. Boy oh boy, wasn’t it surprising how big and beautiful. I remember writing a piece about that if you are looking for a ladylike, soft laugh then I am the wrong candidate because I have a very deep and loud laugh from the depths of my belly and express it freely with my head thrown back.

Nothing reflects the state of one’s heart better than a smile and laughter. 

Today, many people hide behind fake smiles and laughter, but you can pick it out with a trained eye and ear. Why do we hide behind fakeness? There are many reasons like hidden pain, trauma, disappointment, sadness, and uncertainty, to name a few. Is it always easy to smile and laugh? Not at first but when you understand that the source of the smile is inner peace and joy, you can tap into that no matter what. 

So when you see me smile and you know the pain in my life, do not think I am faking it. I am dealing with everything in a way that works for me.

image of a dock in the water with the words, "I am dealing with everything in a way that works for me...not you."

Grief is Transformative.

Grief does a number on you you will never see it coming. 

I remember on the day of laying Fathe to rest, many people came up to me saying they had wanted to come but hadn’t because they were busy and now they were out of time. Some knew he had been unwell and were prompted to come but never did. The saddest ones for me were a couple of instances:

  • Those we had specifically called because we knew they were to receive a mantle to extend from his life and they never came.
  • Those who heard and in their heart of hearts knew they needed to come but could not or did not make time.
  • Those who could not deal with the sight of this once virile man, weak, silent, and bedridden so they never came.

As I have sat in this space with different people, i find it very fascinating how grief can change people. I am saddened for those who now carry a deep and crippling sense of guilt because they did not come. I know how that burden can break some. Yet I am critically aware that there is nothing I can do that will take away their guilt. The sadness I saw in their faces was devastating but there was nothing I could do about it. Even when we said it was ok, we could not wipe out the pain and regret there. I saw people stand by the grave and stare as if they needed to have a moment to reconnect…but he was gone for good.

It is easy to hear that someone is unwell and not be able to visit them but when you feel the unction to talk to someone, do it. If your heart longs to see someone, go and see them. Whatever it is you need to do, make sure you do it. Live life without regret and free of wonder. 

Shalom.

The Retreat…

It’s easy to live life until you journey with someone dealing with health challenges. One of the most challenging ailments to navigate is Alzheimer’s dementia. I won’t look at the technical medical terms because they are overwhelming.

For many years it was just another term that meant forgetting and losing memory and oh well, it didn’t seem that bad until we traveled the journey as a family. What started simply as short-term memory loss gradually became clumsiness and ended in immobility.

It is a harrowing journey that families bear, often in silence because when they try to explain it to others, it seems like normal aging at first. I remember the first day I met someone who had been through the journey I almost cried. For once, someone got me, someone understood my questions, frustration, sadness, and sense of loss. Finally, someone had ideas for me on how to support my mother. That was priceless!!

Recently as we shared the journey with a dear family friend, it struck me just how much we could not and had not shared with the world when she just broke down and cried. You see, about ten years ago, Dad retreated from the public eye when he retired for the third and final time and that is the memory everyone had of him…strong, full of laughter, walking with a limp but walking. Yet over ten years he slowly lost every little bit of that and spent his last days in silence.

A couple of things happen when people retreat from the public eye that we never think about before that. Connections and relationships change, some are lost, some are deepened, and most go into limbo. Limbo in this case is neglect or suspension. Each one is waiting for the other to make the move to connect and many times it is too late before they are restored if at all.

If someone in your circle has gone out of circulation, find them. Even if you have nothing to say, just say hello, share love, hug them close or just sit with them. There is greater friendship in silence but the greatest thing you could do for a family in crisis is the gift of presence.

Be There…No Matter What!!

Faith holds us accountable

In a piece I wrote called, He remains faithful, I said that no matter how it gets, God is in control. I realised my life has to be the first port of display of this truth if I proclaim it.

I’m one of those people whose devices give extremely good service. My phones give me five years and my laptops up to ten years. I rarely replace things because I’m bored, rather I replace them because the device no longer serves the purpose. 

In December, my phone notified me about its performance. I kept getting notices about the battery life and every so often it hang for no reason.  The young king was watching he seemed more alarmed about it than I was and he couldn’t understand why I was so blase about the situation. Every week he said something about it and my standard response was “God will provide the resources or the phone.” Was that a hiding tactic? Not at all. It was my truth because unless God provided resources, I didn’t have anything extra available to make a big purchase. This led to four months with him living on the edge and me flouncing through life seemingly carefree.

Fast forward a few weeks and I’m trying to figure out how to replace his phone when a dear friend and one of my leads offered to take him to trade in his phone and get a new one. As they did that they find a phone for me. That sounds simple enough right? Well, we have two old phones to trade in then we top up the difference and I am sure we have an option coming. As they wait for some things to be sorted, another client walks in and trades in a good phone of the brand I usually use. 

Unbeknownst to the young king, my lead calls me and tells me about the phone. He thinks I should get it but I dismiss the idea because I didn’t have money. He repeats that I need to get it and I say I am trusting God for resources. The young king calls me and mentions the same phone with a plan of how I could acquire it. He offers to trade the resources he has acquired so painstakingly to me so that I can get this phone and I am not sure.

However, I am still trying to use that phone as a stopgap for him for about six weeks which will allow me to make something and get him the phone he wants as I pick this one. As we spoke, clarity of what my lead had said to me earlier came and I suddenly understood the right position…trade in my current phone and top up the difference from my business account because it is a tool of the trade and leaves the young king’s money for his phone. Suffice it to say, trading in and getting used phones did the trick.

What caught my attention was that not only did the young king have the confirmation that I would get a phone, but he also had insight into how it would come and was aware enough to see it before I did. My words that God would provide the resources were proven when the other customer walked in with a phone to dispose of, trading in my current phone cut the cost by more than half and I had just enough in savings for the balance. Yet it was not clear until the young king voluntarily stepped aside to sacrifice getting his phone so he could get me mine. He also received a reward because the door opened for an even better phone than what he had initially found.

God fascinates me because while we are still sitting in corners and sulking or wondering he is at work sorting things out and aligning answers. Scripture is so clear that He is prepping with words like, “It shall also come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear.” (Is 65:23). This incident helped me realise that even when the path is unclear for me, God is not asleep or taking a vacation. He is right there with me walking the path with me giving me the guidance I need because He knows what I need before I ask Him (Matt 6:8). If He can care for the flowers, the grass, the trees, the birds, the animals in the wild, surely I am of more value than these (Matt 6:25-31) and he will definitely supply all my needs according to HIS riches in glory (Phil 4:19).

God is not a butler who is at my beck and call neither is he a fairy godfather who lavishly dispenses. He is a father. Father is an economy. Father is the source, provider, protector, and preserver. He is the one who stands up and is counted on to ensure that his children do not lack. He calls me his own and has one major instruction for me to access everything. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matt 6:33-34. 

This does not mean that I do nothing other than stay in church, though that could be the call of some like Anna. Rather it means that:

  • I check every move with Him,
  • Finalise every plan with Him,
  • Evaluate every situation with Him,
  • Just live in tandem with HIM.

Oneness with God means not taking a stand or making a move without a clear word from Him. It means to be devoted to prayer and time with Him and to listen keenly to the word as He opens it up to me. It means access to ideas and opportunities others would never have seen or connected to because at that moment you are in the right place. 

Walking by faith is what God calls us to be and to do. The deep certainty that no matter how it looks or what is going on around, we know that we know that we know, that He will come through. It is knowing with certainty like we know our names, that HE is reliable. It is allowing Him to teach us His truths through His servants even those significantly younger than us (now this is a story for another day). It is being unmoved by the things around us and resting deeply on and in the word that has come from His mouth to us. 

Shalom.

He Remains Faithful

I took a break at the end of last year to finalise some of my assignments that went into early Jan and that was it. Many things have happened but the biggest one was when my mum fell and broke her hand. Life stopped for a bit because we had to get her care against some incredible odds in the healthcare scene but we persisted. 

I am the youngest in our family but the one who gets the hard things done. Some call me pushy, I say I am assertive. I know what needs to be done and so I work to get it done. I also live near my mum so I stepped in as the next of kin with her hospitalisation. It rings different when you are signing off forms the procedure knowing full well that if anything happens you are the one who approved. Something about that makes you think about life.

I remember sitting in her hospital room for hours waiting for her to come back from surgery and when she did…she was so groggy I realised I should have just gone home. For the next round of surgery, I booked her in and stayed around until she was in surgery then realised that it would be very late before she came out of recovery so I went home and advised the family not to go to the hospital.

It is sobering when you know that your loved one is truly in God’s hands and there is nothing you can do. Our greatest blessing was a great surgeon who has not become a family friend and is helping us solve other orthopedic challenges in our ecosystem.

This season has reminded me that God is the one in control. The hand of God is not too short to save nor is his ear deaf to hear (Is 59:1) nor is he blind to see what is happening in our lives. He knows the end from the beginning and his purposes will stand (Is 46:10) so this season was on his radar all along. He knew that 2023 would start with all this pressure and he had already prepared the needed provision for the season. 

I remember just hanging out with mum in the hospital and a friend shows up with enough food to feed her whole household for a month without request. He just showed up, paid for a cab, and filled the boot and half of the back seat with shopping. Mum was due to shop that week but we had to focus on getting her sorted. I remember friends showing up and hanging out with me until the surgery was done because they wanted to ensure she was well. My friend’s mother came to see mum and they had such a blast reminiscing after twenty-four years of not seeing each other. 

When things are hard and not working as we expect, it is easy to wonder where is God and why he is being unfair but God… He is never late, and neither does he forget us. We are inscribed on His palms and our walls are always before him (Is 49:16). 

  • Will we have hard times? Yes
  • Will we be alone in these times? Never
  • Can we be sure of his presence? Definitely

His gift to us is the guarantee that he will never leave us alone and his grace will carry us through. I cannot explain it all but I have known his grace, peace, and personal ministry to me in this season through the people he has sent my way. Some are ten thousand miles away but they have loved on me as if I was in their neighbourhood. Some are next door or a few minutes away and they have watched over me like an eagle her chics. 

No matter how hard things get: God is on the throne. 

Quote: 
No matter how hard things get: God is on the throne. 

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The Essence of Faithfulness

Essence means the inherent nature or indispensable quality of something abstract or a concentrated extract. It is the thing that determines character. Faith means trust and devotion while faithful is remaining true to the fact, to be loyal and steadfast. A faithful person is the opposite of a traitor. Faithfulness is an action word and the quality of being faithful and keeping true to your word. It also means following through on your commitment,

One depiction of faithfulness is Ruth in Ruth 1:11-17.

Can you imagine getting married and your spouse passing on then your mother-in-law going back to her home? She asks you to remain but you choose to go with her no matter what. Ruth in the bible really intrigues me because I don’t know if I would have been that way. It is hard enough for many of us to leave things that are familiar but what would it be to uproot yourself completely?

A couple of things catch my attention:

She had and lost: the loss did not taint her sense of life. I imagine she still loved life and particularly her mother-in-law. What kind of relationship did they have? How had they cultivated it? Where did they deepen it? How did she maintain her inner sense of balance?

She chose to remain: Naomi begged her to go back to her family but she said no. I can imagine that as they walked or travelled Naomi would keep asking her to go back but she was steadfast. How did that certainty remain? What did she know that kept her with Naomi? I remember Naomi telling her that she could not give her a husband yet Ruth remained. Ah! This woman.

She listened to and followed instructions: Ruth had no knowledge of how to be a good Israelite woman. How could she, a Moabitess, know? So she listened and followed everything Naomi told her to do. I also imagine that she watched Naomi’s interactions with others, and listened in on conversations and prayer times. She was on track right down to the evening visit to the harvest fields to see Boaz.

How many of us would be so diligent in such challenging situations? Would you even think about it? What I find interesting is the seeming simplicity of her life even with very challenging circumstances. Remember they were two daughters-in-law and Orpah went back. Please note, there is nothing wrong with her going back. It is what made sense to her. Yet Ruth chose a different path because she knew in her hearts of heart that her path was aligned with Naomi and she would not let go.

Each of us has that kind of calling. There are people who are integral to our coming of age and reaching impact. In recent years, I have encountered several of my integral people and it has been transformative. They have spoken over me and challenged me to keep growing but it has also shown me a few things.

I RECEIVED a gift from God: it was inputted into me before my birth and it is designed to make my life journey successful. So do you!

I must WORK on and with the gift: the work includes understanding, using, creating room for others and growing through the process. So must you!

I must BEAR FRUIT: the proof of my life and gift is in the lives transformed; that is my fruit. A tree without fruit is either cut down or ignored so imagine a life that does the same. I must bring forth and so must you.

The only way to do this is to remain faithful to the call of God. I have a choice to remain faithful or not and I have learnt that being faithful to the cause is all that matters to me today. The essence of faithfulness is the CHOICE to remain true to who I am, what I know and who I am called to be.

Shalom

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Changed By An Ask

We have developed unhealthy independence by being bullied into not asking for help. In life, it links to pride, fear, arrogance, and shame. It is a learned and reinforced behaviour that can become a stronghold if not attended. This behaviour is accepted because it is a cultural response popularised over time. 

Conversations around me opened a chasm of clarity for me. I have been severely independent since my childhood right into adulthood. I had been unable to ask for help for so long despite knowing I needed help to break out of where I was. It took a major crisis in my life to bring my unhealthy independence to the surface and forced me to deal. 

Things changed through a conversation when one of my leaders shared how they learned to ask. Asking makes us better, not less than the next person. When we ask for help, the response is never guaranteed and sometimes discouraging beyond belief. Anyone could say yes or no, ignore the ask or castigate the request. We do not have control over anyone’s response. The bottom line, I learnt that asking is an avenue to grow. 

I had to ask for help shortly after that conversation; I couldn’t help the trepidation I felt because I was afraid of rejection. Since I couldn’t deny the need, I gathered my wits and asked. This time my internal response was different because I understood a few things:

  • No one is obligated to listen to me.
  • It isn’t mandatory for anyone to give.
  • I am not less of a person if I need help.
  • The instruction to ask does not mean that the person asked will give. 

Learning to ask for help changed me significantly. Everyone read the message, thought about it, tried to help, and communicated back to me.

  • It broke the SHAME associated with it.
  • It turned my eyes to good so clearly that I didn’t get disappointed.
  • It allowed God to prompt others to hear, grow and help.
  • It taught me to TRUST God and his power because He is ALL powerful, wise, gracious, good, loving, and present.

A good response must be to overcome the shame, unlearn some things and learn new things. I must grow into several things:

Forgiveness: This is the conscious and deliberate choice to let go of hurt, resentment, or vengeance toward those who have harmed you. It is extended to people whether they repent or not or whether they deserve forgiveness or not. Forgiveness is a divine instruction that connects me to personal freedom and will enable us to counter unhealthy independence.

Compassion: when you have known lack, you are gentler with people and more understanding. Paul made this clear in Philippians 4 when he talked about having much and nothing in turn. It reminded him that his strength is in Christ; that is enough. It made his heart softer and warmer for people leading to a more fulfilled life.

Respond: when you have known lack, it is easy to see and resonate with the hurt of others and meet their needs. It is easier to answer the call for help and not be frustrated when people do not respond to you.

Learning to ask makes your life simpler and richer every day. Do not avoid it; embrace it daily.

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Covered completely

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the [a]fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and [b]buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall [c]bear you up,
Lest you [d]dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will [e]set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With [f]long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

Psalms 91 NKJV

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Realigning to the assignment:

I previously wrote about being out of line with my spiritual leader. If you missed it, be sure to read about submission or stubbornness. I could console myself that though I was out of line, it was mostly ever so slightly. Yet out of line, no matter how little is out of line and I needed to recalibrate and realign.

Realignment is not as simple as I expected it to be. I thought I would pray and get over it, but alas! It was so much more. God led me on a journey that brought all my pride and self-importance to the surface and then crumbled it one piece at a time. He exposed my sense of self and unveiled the ugliness underneath it. He uncovered the deep hurt and fear that made me build walls and showed it up for what it was: hiding.

How could I hide these things from myself for so long?

The unveiling of myself was somewhat painful but not hard. Realigning was the challenge. I had to acknowledge that distraction had moved me away from my assigned path. I was so used to my leader that I had forgotten how to listen, respect and honour him. 

In teaching, Apostle Selman explained that we are all multi-dimensional. We receive grace from people based on the dimensions of their lives we acknowledge and how we interact with them. So if I see my lead as a friend, I only receive friendship and friendly advice. If only a brother or sister, that is what I receive. If I see them as a prophet or priest and engage with that dimension, I will partake in the prophetic and priestly. However, to fully receive all that is mine, I must understand how God views them and their assignment and respond appropriately.

Ah! Indeed I was off track because I had become lax in my dealings. 

I expected my lead to understand when I did not show up as if I was showing up for him. I expected him to check on me and pray for me always. I expected others in the team to understand when I did not participate fully. I forgot to pray for him and the work he does. I missed learning opportunities because I had heard him speak so often that I was less engaged when he repeated teachings. 

My first port of realignment should have been the knowledge that God assigned me to His servant and work. I needed to reconnect to why God attached me to this particular leader. My behaviour was a great reflection of my relationship with God: a mirror of the importance I had given Him. My inconsistency and flippancy said a lot more about my walk of faith than I could imagine. 

The only remedy was total recalibration.

I asked God for sight, healing and restoration, pleaded for mercy and grace; I sought a pathway back to wholeness. God graciously gave them all to me. However, the work was still incomplete without an apology to my leader. It did not matter that I was one of the more consistent ones. It did not matter that he was not upset or frustrated with me. It only mattered that God had shown me my error that I had to correct. 

The apology brought me to my knees, head bowed by the weight of my actions. I had a clear picture of my faults and those of the team. I could see how our actions had short-changed many of us. Only God can understand what I saw that day and the weight of it. I understood how important honouring God’s servant appointed to lead us is.

Honour is a door to dimensions we would otherwise not know. It is the foundation of growth in all aspects of life and the key to revelation and insight. Honour cannot be traded or demanded. Honour is purely by the revelation of who the person is and what they represent in God. Honour is about obedience to divine instruction and not manipulation to get a blessing.

Honour bears rich and valuable fruit.

I received a verbal blessing for realigning, a lighter spirit and peace in the depths of my soul. Certain things that weighed me down and confounded me shifted. Major decisions I had made but could not keep became possible. My eyes opened, my ears popped, my mind connected to concepts then my hands produced good work. Now it was clear that the sense of stagnation I had was partly because of where my heart and mind had been. There are dimensions I could not rise into when I had dishonoured or been lax with the servants of God.

Do not be like me and live so flippantly that you miss your divine reality. 

My change has come as I have learned to believe the word of God fully. The shift has settled as I have begun to see my leaders for who they are in God’s sight. I have become watchful of the leads I serve and now understand the truth of who they are. I have changed how I interact with my leaders. The measure of grace I receive from them has also changed. 

Sometimes we wonder why things are not working. Doors to opportunities remain shut while the promises we are waiting for remain unmet. Has something in this article challenged you? Good! Now have a conversation with God; ask Him to show you the state of your heart, what is off track and how to turn it around. 

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I submit to you willingly

I submit to you willingly

Knowing I have never known this connection

I have never loved this deeply

I have never been this honest

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I submit to you willingly

Knowing this is my assignment

Knowing my healing is in this place

Knowing only God can secure my heart

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I submit to you willingly

Knowing I don’t need power here

I need the love of God

The love that flows through you

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I submit to you willingly

Knowing we are stronger together

I am whole, you are whole

We are whole

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I submit to you willingly

Knowing God has ordained this union

I know I am safe in this plan

Our lives will count as gain to the Kingdom

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I submit to you willingly