I have lived a life with few expectations of people but as I have grown up (hehehe), I have found that it is difficult to live that way all the days of your life. I was always the eternal friend who you can call after two years and we will pick up from where we left off. It worked for many years but not so well anymore. In the process of being so good for everyone I found great emptiness and loneliness beyond belief. However, I had never really thought about it or processed the feelings because I was so busy doing stuff for different people and working at making it in life that I did not have the time or presence of mind to see it.
One day a while back I woke up to the realisation that my heart is empty because I had given everything that was in me and never stopped to be replenished. I was like a driver who kept driving without thought of checking the fuel gauge then somewhere on the highway in the middle of nowhere the car runs out of fuel and dies. The only way I could have remained full is if I had remembered to refill. Not only had I not refuelled but I had lost some real friends along the way.
Expectations taint every relationship we have and affect our ability to be close to people. We need to give and get out of relationships and to get on well in life. So why is it that we only look for people when we are need help but do not take time to develop and sustain relationships all year round? Who are the people destined to walk with me and help me make impact in this life? I believe that friends are sent by God for a reason and our relationships will change as life goes on but we will only live well if we stick to God’s plan for us.
Are you like me? Have you felt lost, lonely and alone? I am finding that talking to God has directed me to adapt to the change in relationships and recognise who needs to stay and who needs to go. I have also learnt that I only have to be close to whomever God has directed me to and let all the others go. Letting go was so hard because I was comfortable to have many friends but what value had they added to my life?
I have found a new boyfriend who sticks closer than a brother and is not a man that He should lie or the son on man that He should change His mind. He is not judgmental and allows me to be me. When I do something He doesn’t like we talk about it and rectify things. I have learnt a lot about me by being with Him and we have a rich relationship.
His name is Jesus, son of the Living God and I am blessed to have Him as a friend and brother. Do you know Him? Take your time it is worth it and then some…
I know I have been on about obedience and it only seems to get broader and broader in its reach. My walk has been increasingly excruciating because I am being forced to look at myself and deal with issues I would rather not have to face. We all know that change is not usually easy but the harder part is just getting on with things.
So this weekend I had the greatest time of my life in a long time and I just cannot explain the refreshment and renewal I felt. I was with friends and loved ones and that was just a blast. However, it got me thinking about the path my life has taken and I realised that this path has taken me away from many people and into the lives of others.
I was thinking about the friends I have lost touch with and wondered whose fault it was mine or theirs or it is just life. On the other hand I know the saying that to let something go is to keep it. So why does my heart feel so alone and lonely? Why do I long for certain relationships that may never be restored? How do I want to call some people so badly but I know I would not have anything to say? Did I just walk away out of personal choice or did I really need to walk away? Was the relationship real or did I imagine it all? These are some of the questions that are running through my mind.
Ok, now I sound like I am pessimistic yet I am just reflective and wondering since I so often feel the sense of loss and wonder what happens. One of my friends mentioned that people are just like that and very busy so we all let things go and we never really look for each other hence we should just let them be and live life. If this is true, why do I feel the need to keep my relationships going and feel the loss when they don’t? With these feelings, I beg to differ as I now know that we look for the people who matter. This then means that if I have not looked for you for a while or you have not looked for me for a while than the level of importance on either end is not that high. Get it???? On the other hand there are people who are always there and always strong and stable so no one ever thinks they ever need support. These are the people who will eventually fall off the radar and when they surface the stuff that has happened seems impossible to have come from that person.
Look around and notice who has been missing and consider them. I would not advocate for forced relationships. There are people who after a while we know are no longer of value or substance and are therefore going to be a bog down to have. Before you go about looking for people just because you have not seen them take time to talk to God about it and be sure that this is someone He desires you have a lasting relationship with. If God is silent maybe this is a person who needs more time before you reach out.
When you think of someone or miss them, please call them, text them or inbox them. They could be in the midst of a very hard time in life and need some encouragement or they could have just the word you need to hear that would totally change the way you live today. You never know who needs you to reach out and there is great impact you can have. You are the angel or the warm person and heart that God can use to minister his grace and peace to others. Do not let the opportunity pass you by. Additionally, you never know who will change the course of your life with a simple word or contact so let you senses be alert and open to the people you need to connect with and make the difference.