Earlier this year I wrote a post called ‘Unsettled’ that has come back to me so heavily today that I went back to read it. The crux of the post is that God messed with my life and took out everything I had allowed to take greater importance than Him.
I now know it was highlighted today because my heart is once again unsettled. In the midst of the current state of affairs, it is easy to be shifted into panic mode or extreme busyness or deep stillness and each on must choose. Up until today, I thought my choices were balanced but now it is clear they were slowly getting out of whack.
I needed to rethink it all
My work has increased since life changed because my people have time to write and think and develop and I am a supporting piece to their growth. It has also increased because doors that were slightly ajar have swung open and the foundations of these collaborations need to be laid and laid well. I have also been grappling with the fact that I need to hear before I move but the pressure to keep running has been steadily rising until today when like a police man at the traffic lights, Papa said, ‘STOP!’
This afternoon, after a marathon morning of meetings, webinars, online posts and pending work, I asked myself, ‘Will any of these things die or self-destruct if I put them down for a bit?’ The answer was no, so I put it all away. I placed my phone down, put my work on hold and took a two hour timeout. Yes, two hours. I just needed to recalibrate urgently because internally I was churning and unsettled.
You see, every time I am unsettled it means several things:
Papa needs to say something or clarify something
A change is afoot
I am off track and running the race on my own.
The one that scares me the most is the last one because I never want to be caught running the race myself. Why? I have done it before and it is never pretty. So I needed to grind life to a stop for a bit. I stretched out on my bed in the middle of the afternoon listening to music and trying to be still but my mind wouldn’t stop racing for a while. It took a little time, but eventually it all slowed to a stop.
All the things I was doing and working on were adding value to others and meeting my assigned role but the intensity they generated was throwing me off guard and balance. If I had been paying more careful attention, I would have noticed earlier how things were being reassigned and realigned because a change needed to be made. My mind needed to shift.
Those moments of stillness changed something in me.
These are the days of shifting and the adjustments will keep being made until I am running efficiently by God’s plan and standard not mine. I rest assured that I am not yet at peak and so I must recalibrate more often. So I have settled it in my heart that adjustment is part of my new normal. Moments to stop, breathe deeply, listen and change direction will be many more. I must keep on this track and run this race well.
What is making your mind race at this time? What is making your anxious? Do you realise nothing is ever going to be like it was before? Nothing will ever be the same so we must discover our new normal and hold onto that. Yet even though that discovery is harder than most of us thought possible it is possible and must be pursued.
So off I go to keep listening and shifting. You are free to join me.