Grief is Transformative.

Grief does a number on you you will never see it coming.

I remember on the day of laying Fathe to rest, many people came up to me saying they had wanted to come but hadn’t because they were busy and now they were out of time. Some knew he had been unwell and were prompted to come but never did. The saddest ones for me were a couple of instances:

Those we had specifically called because we knew they were to receive a mantle to extend from his life and they never came.
Those who heard and in their heart of hearts knew they needed to come but could not or did not make time.
Those who could not deal with the sight of this once virile man, weak, silent, and bedridden so they never came.

As I have sat in this space with different people, i find it very fascinating how grief can change people. I am saddened for those who now carry a deep and crippling sense of guilt because they did not come. I know how that burden can break some. Yet I am critically aware that there is nothing I can do that will take away their guilt. The sadness I saw in their faces was devastating but there was nothing I could do about it. Even when we said it was ok, we could not wipe out the pain and regret there. I saw people stand by the grave and stare as if they needed to have a moment to reconnect…but he was gone for good.

It is easy to hear that someone is unwell and not be able to visit them but when you feel the unction to talk to someone, do it. If your heart longs to see someone, go and see them. Whatever it is you need to do, make sure you do it. Live life without regret and free of wonder.

Shalom.

The Retreat…

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It’s easy to live life until you journey with someone dealing with health challenges. One of the most challenging ailments to navigate is Alzheimer’s dementia. I won’t look at the technical medical terms because they are overwhelming.

For many years it was just another term that meant forgetting and losing memory and oh well, it didn’t seem that bad until we traveled the journey as a family. What started simply as short-term memory loss gradually became clumsiness and ended in immobility.

It is a harrowing journey that families bear, often in silence because when they try to explain it to others, it seems like normal aging at first. I remember the first day I met someone who had been through the journey I almost cried. For once, someone got me, someone understood my questions, frustration, sadness, and sense of loss. Finally, someone had ideas for me on how to support my mother. That was priceless!!

Recently as we shared the journey with a dear family friend, it struck me just how much we could not and had not shared with the world when she just broke down and cried. You see, about ten years ago, Dad retreated from the public eye when he retired for the third and final time and that is the memory everyone had of him…strong, full of laughter, walking with a limp but walking. Yet over ten years he slowly lost every little bit of that and spent his last days in silence.

A couple of things happen when people retreat from the public eye that we never think about before that. Connections and relationships change, some are lost, some are deepened, and most go into limbo. Limbo in this case is neglect or suspension. Each one is waiting for the other to make the move to connect and many times it is too late before they are restored if at all.

If someone in your circle has gone out of circulation, find them. Even if you have nothing to say, just say hello, share love, hug them close or just sit with them. There is greater friendship in silence but the greatest thing you could do for a family in crisis is the gift of presence.

Be There…No Matter What!!

Faith holds us accountable

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In a piece I wrote called, He remains faithful, I said that no matter how it gets, God is in control. I realised my life has to be the first port of display of this truth if I proclaim it.

I’m one of those people whose devices give extremely good service. My phones give me five years and my laptops up to ten years. I rarely replace things because I’m bored, rather I replace them because the device no longer serves the purpose.

In December, my phone notified me about its performance. I kept getting notices about the battery life and every so often it hang for no reason. The young king was watching he seemed more alarmed about it than I was and he couldn’t understand why I was so blase about the situation. Every week he said something about it and my standard response was “God will provide the resources or the phone.” Was that a hiding tactic? Not at all. It was my truth because unless God provided resources, I didn’t have anything extra available to make a big purchase. This led to four months with him living on the edge and me flouncing through life seemingly carefree.

Fast forward a few weeks and I’m trying to figure out how to replace his phone when a dear friend and one of my leads offered to take him to trade in his phone and get a new one. As they did that they find a phone for me. That sounds simple enough right? Well, we have two old phones to trade in then we top up the difference and I am sure we have an option coming. As they wait for some things to be sorted, another client walks in and trades in a good phone of the brand I usually use.

Unbeknownst to the young king, my lead calls me and tells me about the phone. He thinks I should get it but I dismiss the idea because I didn’t have money. He repeats that I need to get it and I say I am trusting God for resources. The young king calls me and mentions the same phone with a plan of how I could acquire it. He offers to trade the resources he has acquired so painstakingly to me so that I can get this phone and I am not sure.

However, I am still trying to use that phone as a stopgap for him for about six weeks which will allow me to make something and get him the phone he wants as I pick this one. As we spoke, clarity of what my lead had said to me earlier came and I suddenly understood the right position…trade in my current phone and top up the difference from my business account because it is a tool of the trade and leaves the young king’s money for his phone. Suffice it to say, trading in and getting used phones did the trick.

What caught my attention was that not only did the young king have the confirmation that I would get a phone, but he also had insight into how it would come and was aware enough to see it before I did. My words that God would provide the resources were proven when the other customer walked in with a phone to dispose of, trading in my current phone cut the cost by more than half and I had just enough in savings for the balance. Yet it was not clear until the young king voluntarily stepped aside to sacrifice getting his phone so he could get me mine. He also received a reward because the door opened for an even better phone than what he had initially found.

God fascinates me because while we are still sitting in corners and sulking or wondering he is at work sorting things out and aligning answers. Scripture is so clear that He is prepping with words like, “It shall also come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear.” (Is 65:23). This incident helped me realise that even when the path is unclear for me, God is not asleep or taking a vacation. He is right there with me walking the path with me giving me the guidance I need because He knows what I need before I ask Him (Matt 6:8). If He can care for the flowers, the grass, the trees, the birds, the animals in the wild, surely I am of more value than these (Matt 6:25-31) and he will definitely supply all my needs according to HIS riches in glory (Phil 4:19).

God is not a butler who is at my beck and call neither is he a fairy godfather who lavishly dispenses. He is a father. Father is an economy. Father is the source, provider, protector, and preserver. He is the one who stands up and is counted on to ensure that his children do not lack. He calls me his own and has one major instruction for me to access everything. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matt 6:33-34.

This does not mean that I do nothing other than stay in church, though that could be the call of some like Anna. Rather it means that:

I check every move with Him,
Finalise every plan with Him,
Evaluate every situation with Him,
Just live in tandem with HIM.

Oneness with God means not taking a stand or making a move without a clear word from Him. It means to be devoted to prayer and time with Him and to listen keenly to the word as He opens it up to me. It means access to ideas and opportunities others would never have seen or connected to because at that moment you are in the right place.

Walking by faith is what God calls us to be and to do. The deep certainty that no matter how it looks or what is going on around, we know that we know that we know, that He will come through. It is knowing with certainty like we know our names, that HE is reliable. It is allowing Him to teach us His truths through His servants even those significantly younger than us (now this is a story for another day). It is being unmoved by the things around us and resting deeply on and in the word that has come from His mouth to us.

Shalom.

He Remains Faithful

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I took a break at the end of last year to finalise some of my assignments that went into early Jan and that was it. Many things have happened but the biggest one was when my mum fell and broke her hand. Life stopped for a bit because we had to get her care against some incredible odds in the healthcare scene but we persisted.

I am the youngest in our family but the one who gets the hard things done. Some call me pushy, I say I am assertive. I know what needs to be done and so I work to get it done. I also live near my mum so I stepped in as the next of kin with her hospitalisation. It rings different when you are signing off forms the procedure knowing full well that if anything happens you are the one who approved. Something about that makes you think about life.

I remember sitting in her hospital room for hours waiting for her to come back from surgery and when she did…she was so groggy I realised I should have just gone home. For the next round of surgery, I booked her in and stayed around until she was in surgery then realised that it would be very late before she came out of recovery so I went home and advised the family not to go to the hospital.

It is sobering when you know that your loved one is truly in God’s hands and there is nothing you can do. Our greatest blessing was a great surgeon who has not become a family friend and is helping us solve other orthopedic challenges in our ecosystem.

This season has reminded me that God is the one in control. The hand of God is not too short to save nor is his ear deaf to hear (Is 59:1) nor is he blind to see what is happening in our lives. He knows the end from the beginning and his purposes will stand (Is 46:10) so this season was on his radar all along. He knew that 2023 would start with all this pressure and he had already prepared the needed provision for the season.

I remember just hanging out with mum in the hospital and a friend shows up with enough food to feed her whole household for a month without request. He just showed up, paid for a cab, and filled the boot and half of the back seat with shopping. Mum was due to shop that week but we had to focus on getting her sorted. I remember friends showing up and hanging out with me until the surgery was done because they wanted to ensure she was well. My friend’s mother came to see mum and they had such a blast reminiscing after twenty-four years of not seeing each other.

When things are hard and not working as we expect, it is easy to wonder where is God and why he is being unfair but God… He is never late, and neither does he forget us. We are inscribed on His palms and our walls are always before him (Is 49:16).

Will we have hard times? Yes
Will we be alone in these times? Never
Can we be sure of his presence? Definitely

His gift to us is the guarantee that he will never leave us alone and his grace will carry us through. I cannot explain it all but I have known his grace, peace, and personal ministry to me in this season through the people he has sent my way. Some are ten thousand miles away but they have loved on me as if I was in their neighbourhood. Some are next door or a few minutes away and they have watched over me like an eagle her chics.

No matter how hard things get: God is on the throne.

Love is Transformational

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⁷Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. ⁸He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. ⁹In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. ¹⁰In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. ¹¹Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one

1 John 4:7-11

Love may translate into a feeling but it so much more than that. It is a daily choice to get closer to God and then live out our lives as he instructs.

Love is from God

Love is instruction

Love is a Covenant

Love is a supply line

Love is a source of strength

Love is an antidote or cure for fear

Love is a measure for our walk

Love triumphs over darkness

Love is a place of rest

Love is not earned

Love is accepted

Love is intentional

Love satisfies

Do you understand who you are?

You are the beloved of God, the apple of His eye, a city on a hill that cannot be hidden, a chosen one, a king, a priest. You are loved by God and that is enough.

Faithfulness and Communication.

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In a previous piece, The Essence of Faithfulness, Ruth’s life taught us that we all receive a gift that we must work on faithfully and bear fruit to attain our calling and assignment on earth. Faithfulness is foundational because it attracts the resources needed for the assigned task, weaves in the connections needed to live and thrive, and provides stability to our walk.

We are created for community life thus we thrive through faithfulness to the call and consistent communication. Communication is the impartation or exchange of information through a medium, which can be written, spoken, or in any other form. Effective communication is designed around the needs of the recipients and listeners so that they can truly connect to and interpret what the speaker is saying.

For this conversation, we will explore three levels of essential communication.

God: I used to see God as the guy sitting up there waiting to hit me on the head for everything I did that he did not like. I have since learned that he isn’t like that at all. He is the creator of the universe, Father, and lover of all. He is our source, strong tower, shield, and defence. He loves us and is always speaking words of life to us with the hope that we will listen and then guide us. His words do not return to him void but accomplish all He determined they would (Isaiah 55:11).

He does not withhold from us but provides ways to connect to us. I searched high and low for the perfect way to connect with God. In the search, I found there are several ways to reach him. We connect to God through prayer, the Scripture, the spoken word from his servants, His promises (the ones He has given you as part of your journey), and His blueprint. When God gives us a word, he supports it with a plan and people to bring it to work, His Blueprint. Our conversations with God are a response to his love.

Self: We are all created in God’s image and likeness: his beloved. However, do we understand what that means? Do we see ourselves as worthy of his love and love ourselves fully? Do we accept ourselves as we are? How do we speak to ourselves?

I am reminded of Proverbs 23:7, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” This reality is foundational for every person on earth. We all speak to ourselves based on how we perceive ourselves. We respond to the image in the mirror based on our inner truth. However, is it aligned with whom God says we are and are becoming?

If we are negative to ourselves, we will speak negatively and out of line for our calling. To be faithful to God’s call on our lives means we must be true to how we deal without ourselves. Be faithful to the word of God for who you are and speak to yourself in the right tone; full of love.

Others: Scripture tells us to love others as we love ourselves (Matthew 12:31). This means that I cannot be faithful to a friendship with someone else if I am not faithful to my relationship with myself and God. My relationships will be unstable if we are not communicating well with others. How I engage with others is frequently premised on my personal self-awareness and self-confidence levels.

Which of the three levels of communication do you find challenging? Are you in good stead in all of them or is there one that is a struggle? I have learned that I can only work on what I acknowledge. My previous poor self-communication had significantly affected how I spoke to myself and in turn, impacted how I expected people to deal with and treat me. I choose to work on communication in my journey to consistent faithfulness.

Shalom.

The Essence of Faithfulness

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Essence means the inherent nature or indispensable quality of something abstract or a concentrated extract. It is the thing that determines character. Faith means trust and devotion while faithful is remaining true to the fact, to be loyal and steadfast. A faithful person is the opposite of a traitor. Faithfulness is an action word and the quality of being faithful and keeping true to your word. It also means following through on your commitment,

One depiction of faithfulness is Ruth in Ruth 1:11-17.

Can you imagine getting married and your spouse passing on then your mother-in-law going back to her home? She asks you to remain but you choose to go with her no matter what. Ruth in the bible really intrigues me because I don’t know if I would have been that way. It is hard enough for many of us to leave things that are familiar but what would it be to uproot yourself completely?

A couple of things catch my attention:

She had and lost: the loss did not taint her sense of life. I imagine she still loved life and particularly her mother-in-law. What kind of relationship did they have? How had they cultivated it? Where did they deepen it? How did she maintain her inner sense of balance?

She chose to remain: Naomi begged her to go back to her family but she said no. I can imagine that as they walked or travelled Naomi would keep asking her to go back but she was steadfast. How did that certainty remain? What did she know that kept her with Naomi? I remember Naomi telling her that she could not give her a husband yet Ruth remained. Ah! This woman.

She listened to and followed instructions: Ruth had no knowledge of how to be a good Israelite woman. How could she, a Moabitess, know? So she listened and followed everything Naomi told her to do. I also imagine that she watched Naomi’s interactions with others, and listened in on conversations and prayer times. She was on track right down to the evening visit to the harvest fields to see Boaz.

How many of us would be so diligent in such challenging situations? Would you even think about it? What I find interesting is the seeming simplicity of her life even with very challenging circumstances. Remember they were two daughters-in-law and Orpah went back. Please note, there is nothing wrong with her going back. It is what made sense to her. Yet Ruth chose a different path because she knew in her hearts of heart that her path was aligned with Naomi and she would not let go.

Each of us has that kind of calling. There are people who are integral to our coming of age and reaching impact. In recent years, I have encountered several of my integral people and it has been transformative. They have spoken over me and challenged me to keep growing but it has also shown me a few things.

I RECEIVED a gift from God: it was inputted into me before my birth and it is designed to make my life journey successful. So do you!

I must WORK on and with the gift: the work includes understanding, using, creating room for others and growing through the process. So must you!

I must BEAR FRUIT: the proof of my life and gift is in the lives transformed; that is my fruit. A tree without fruit is either cut down or ignored so imagine a life that does the same. I must bring forth and so must you.

The only way to do this is to remain faithful to the call of God. I have a choice to remain faithful or not and I have learnt that being faithful to the cause is all that matters to me today. The essence of faithfulness is the CHOICE to remain true to who I am, what I know and who I am called to be.

Shalom

Prayer for your week

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May God reveal more of Himself to and through you.

May His favour, grace and glory be revealed in your growth and prosperity.

May the Lord hear your prayers and respond promptly.

May His blessings be over you and all you have and own.

May you never lack and never want.

May the compassionate Father of lights who gives without a shadow of turning, give you more than you ask for.

May His blessings over you never run dry.

May God be God in all that concerns you.

Changed By An Ask

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We have developed unhealthy independence by being bullied into not asking for help. In life, it links to pride, fear, arrogance, and shame. It is a learned and reinforced behaviour that can become a stronghold if not attended. This behaviour is accepted because it is a cultural response popularised over time.

Conversations around me opened a chasm of clarity for me. I have been severely independent since my childhood right into adulthood. I had been unable to ask for help for so long despite knowing I needed help to break out of where I was. It took a major crisis in my life to bring my unhealthy independence to the surface and forced me to deal.

Things changed through a conversation when one of my leaders shared how they learned to ask. Asking makes us better, not less than the next person. When we ask for help, the response is never guaranteed and sometimes discouraging beyond belief. Anyone could say yes or no, ignore the ask or castigate the request. We do not have control over anyone’s response. The bottom line, I learnt that asking is an avenue to grow.

I had to ask for help shortly after that conversation; I couldn’t help the trepidation I felt because I was afraid of rejection. Since I couldn’t deny the need, I gathered my wits and asked. This time my internal response was different because I understood a few things:

No one is obligated to listen to me.
It isn’t mandatory for anyone to give.
I am not less of a person if I need help.
The instruction to ask does not mean that the person asked will give.

Learning to ask for help changed me significantly. Everyone read the message, thought about it, tried to help, and communicated back to me.

It broke the SHAME associated with it.
It turned my eyes to good so clearly that I didn’t get disappointed.
It allowed God to prompt others to hear, grow and help.
It taught me to TRUST God and his power because He is ALL powerful, wise, gracious, good, loving, and present.

A good response must be to overcome the shame, unlearn some things and learn new things. I must grow into several things:

Forgiveness: This is the conscious and deliberate choice to let go of hurt, resentment, or vengeance toward those who have harmed you. It is extended to people whether they repent or not or whether they deserve forgiveness or not. Forgiveness is a divine instruction that connects me to personal freedom and will enable us to counter unhealthy independence.

Compassion: when you have known lack, you are gentler with people and more understanding. Paul made this clear in Philippians 4 when he talked about having much and nothing in turn. It reminded him that his strength is in Christ; that is enough. It made his heart softer and warmer for people leading to a more fulfilled life.

Respond: when you have known lack, it is easy to see and resonate with the hurt of others and meet their needs. It is easier to answer the call for help and not be frustrated when people do not respond to you.

Learning to ask makes your life simpler and richer every day. Do not avoid it; embrace it daily.

Covered completely

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He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
²I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

³Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the ^[a]fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
⁴He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and ^[b]buckler.
⁵You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
⁶Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

⁷A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
⁸Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

⁹Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
¹⁰No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
¹¹For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
¹²In their hands they shall ^[c]bear you up,
Lest you ^[d]dash your foot against a stone.
¹³You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

¹⁴“Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will ^[e]set him on high, because he has known My name.
¹⁵He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶With ^[f]long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

Psalms 91 NKJV

Kyesubire's

#LivingEpistles

Grief is Transformative.

The Retreat…

Faith holds us accountable

He Remains Faithful

Love is Transformational

Faithfulness and Communication.

The Essence of Faithfulness

Prayer for your week

Changed By An Ask

Covered completely