Monthly Archives: April 2011

One Minus Two

So I am walking down this new road and realised that alas…very little had changed. How could that be? Just the other day I was all high and glad to be different then poof….it has all gone.

So here I am wondering what is wrong with me. The fire is still there but is smaller; I seem to be walking with a lot of struggle instead of consistent victory. It is as through I have lost something I had on that first day…oh what has happened to the instant ability to conquer and vanquish the dragons of the past? When we see something new and make an adjustment to adopt it into our lives, we figure that all it will take to do it remain there is to choose to things differently. Wrong…so absolutely wrong!

Today I realised that the reason I am kinda stuck is the fact that I have not mastered the changes that are mine to master. Ok, let me explain. Yes I have the victory, yes my way has changed but have my internal behaviour and beliefs changed instantly? No not yet. In fact they are lagging way behind because this is a new season with a new mode of operation that is nothing like what I am used to. My whole mental, social, physical and spiritual paradigms must shift and the new ones are still filtering in.

Ok, let me say it differently. Let’s say I am overweight and have been told I must lose weight. There is the reality that thinking about losing weight will not get me there no matter how long and hard I think. I can dream and dream and dream but to no avail. There are practical steps I need to choose to take to achieve my goal.

First, I must find the reason I am overweight. Is it because food is a substitute? Do I just eat the wrong things and never exercise? Am I careless about what I eat? What is the reason behind all the weight I carry?

Next, I must commit to change my way of life in a way that will eliminate the things that help me put on the weight. This is where the work is. There must be a change of diet, a definite way to deal with my emotional issues and the inclusion of exercise in my life. The intensity or variety of the above combination will be different for everyone based on our situation. However, each of us must find our winning combination. Some of us will need accountability partners while others won’t. Some will exercise twice daily while others just a couple of times a week.

The Christian walk is similar to a weight loss plan but is not one size fits all and therefore I cannot prescribe for you what has worked for me. Each of us must go to the gym instructor and discuss the program that will work for us and make a personal commitment to the program. God deals with each of us as He created us hence the difference.

There will be days when we may not walk as we should but the joy is the “a saint is just a sinner who falls down and gets up.” We must just keep getting up and asking Jehovah for help to walk aright and keep walking.

I know for sure that I am on the right track and even when I fall flat on my face as I have done so often, he is there in love to pick me up, dust me off and lead back to the path. I am so glad that all I have to be is honest and normal and Jehovah He will guide my path and lead me on the right way home. Are you on the path and in close relationship with Him?

New Beginnings

I never banked on this happening but now that it has I am so glad He caught me by surprise. Oh…I never imagined. One moment all was dull and drab and the next it was bright and sunshiny…what a joy….what a joy.

This is the season for new beginnings and my new beginning is extra special. This is a defining year for me and the high note of the onset is great. I had been searching for a deeper something since I felt that my life had become common and flat. It was kind of like eating sawdust over and over then expecting it to taste different each time.

Anyway, I begun to wonder if there wasn’t something better, richer, deeper? Oh I was still a believer but life seemed to be the same old same old day in day out. So I did the personal stock taking and could not really figure it out. Then I realised that I was going about it my way and had to stop, be still and hear God on what to do. I had been doing my own thing for a bit so it took some time to connect to the right frequency and gain full signal.

When it was all systems go I asked but He remained be silent. I ranted and raved and he was still silent. So I began to ask myself if I had done something to make him turn away from me. The questions were all good but the lack of answers really begun to get to me. What was happening? Then it struck me that God always answers and it is either yes, no or wait. So what was he saying to me? WAIT! I needed to learn to truly wait and hear him. I thought I had the waiting figured out and I thought I was patient yet he took the time to show me areas I needed to learn to stop. The moments of waiting proved more beneficial than I ever thought possible. I learnt to connect with him and his plan for me.

I learnt that God doesn’t assume I am ready for him to move but requires that I must be specific. I must ask that I may receive, seek that I may find and knock that the door may be opened. When I ask for more of him and stayed put seeking his face and presence he opens a door to me that is beyond my wildest dreams.

When he opened the door I found him. I found him arms open wide ready to embrace me and hold me close and speak his word to me. I found people he had put into place to confirm all his word to me. I found new connections with him that filled my heart to overflowing and removed the emptiness that I hadn’t admitted existed in my heart.

Oh the bliss of this new day. Every time I wonder if there is more and then he comes through and opens up something new that I never imagined. I only have a glimpse of his love and yet I want more. I desire to connect to the length, depth and width of this love that transforms everything it touches. So I must say I am transformed; made new; freshened moment by moment; still going strong. The love of God changes everything it truly touches.

Do you know that place? Do you want more? It is all in Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. He is the only source of love we will ever need. He is all in all and real contact with him never leaves you the same. Join me on this love journey that is a feast laid out for us in the midst of the thing we call life.

My new Boyfriend

I have lived a life with few expectations of people but as I have grown up (hehehe), I have found that it is difficult to live that way all the days of your life. I was always the eternal friend who you can call after two years and we will pick up from where we left off. It worked for many years but not so well anymore. In the process of being so good for everyone I found great emptiness and loneliness beyond belief. However, I had never really thought about it or processed the feelings because I was so busy doing stuff for different people and working at making it in life that I did not have the time or presence of mind to see it.


One day a while back I woke up to the realisation that my heart is empty because I had given everything that was in me and never stopped to be replenished. I was like a driver who kept driving without thought of checking the fuel gauge then somewhere on the highway in the middle of nowhere the car runs out of fuel and dies. The only way I could have remained full is if I had remembered to refill. Not only had I not refuelled but I had lost some real friends along the way.


Expectations taint every relationship we have and affect our ability to be close to people. We need to give and get out of relationships and to get on well in life. So why is it that we only look for people when we are need help but do not take time to develop and sustain relationships all year round? Who are the people destined to walk with me and help me make impact in this life? I believe that friends are sent by God for a reason and our relationships will change as life goes on but we will only live well if we stick to God’s plan for us.


Are you like me? Have you felt lost, lonely and alone? I am finding that talking to God has directed me to adapt to the change in relationships and recognise who needs to stay and who needs to go. I have also learnt that I only have to be close to whomever God has directed me to and let all the others go. Letting go was so hard because I was comfortable to have many friends but what value had they added to my life?


I have found a new boyfriend who sticks closer than a brother and is not a man that He should lie or the son on man that He should change His mind. He is not judgmental and allows me to be me. When I do something He doesn’t like we talk about it and rectify things. I have learnt a lot about me by being with Him and we have a rich relationship.


His name is Jesus, son of the Living God and I am blessed to have Him as a friend and brother. Do you know Him? Take your time it is worth it and then some…