THE CHRISTIAN WALK, The Simple Life

Left Out From Living It Out


Mwanza Tanzania Courtesy of Moses Nderitu
Mwanza Tanzania
Courtesy of Moses Nderitu

Hey girl,

Hey Dave, How are you?

I’m good.

You?

Okay.

Only ok, Jo?

Yeah…just ok.

Why?

I’m in a really hard season.

You?

Yes.

No way…

Oh yes way..It’s a day at a time.

What’s up?

Everything!

Explain

I feel forgotten

By?

God, My mother….

Why? What happened?

My sister got saved.

Like really? You are upset and feel forgotten because your sister got saved?

Yes!

Why???

It’s like she got fast forwarded…

Mwanza Tanzania Courtesy of Moses Nderitu
Mwanza Tanzania
Courtesy of Moses Nderitu

You’ve lost me…

She got saved and then had a lot of prophecy and amazing experiences came and continue to come for her from God.

And???

My life was and still is silent in many ways…don’t get me wrong I am happy for her…really happy.

Really?

Sure!

Really…you sound mad because God is doing more for her than you

Ok, so you are right. I started out with the elderly brother spirit but I dealt with it but now I feel forgotten.

Elder brother spirit?

Well, you remember the prodigal son’s elder brother who was mad at his father because he had never had a goat to share with his friends?

Yes, but that feeling was born out of a sense of entitlement and anger

Yes, but in a sense it was justified because the best had been given to his younger brother.

Mwanza Tanzania Courtesy of Moses Nderitu
Mwanza Tanzania
Courtesy of Moses Nderitu

So you feel that God has forgotten you and so you took it out on your sister?

Not anymore…I just feel sidelined.

Why Josephine? Are they ignoring you? Are your expectations unmet? What?

When you call me Josephine not Jo means I am in trouble?

Not really. So you feel forgotten because…????

Not forgotten, I feel overshadowed.

Overshadowed? Explain…you changed the word many times today you know?

I don’t know how to make you understand.

You’re unforgettable, remember that

Thanks, I can’t even argue against that.. I don’t know whether I can explain my season right now, but everything feels hard.

I’m learning the real issue is based around what I think about, who think I am and what I allow to become my truth

You sound like you’ve read ‘Battlefield Of The Mind’ by Joyce Meyer

Lol…I haven’t…I just know that place of frustration.

You do?

Sure…just last Monday, I was ready to give up, pack up and bail out.

Really? How did you get out of there?

Yes. It took soul searching and listening to God, for me to realise that I’m on a journey and my journey is the way it is so I can help others who will follow behind me

I’m just so tired of being in the kingdom…it’s so much work to keep going and stay true

It is at times but remember…nothing good comes cheaply. Think of Christ in Gethsemane.

I want to give up, but I don’t know what will be next if I do. I think I’m just looking down on myself.

Mwanza Tanzania Courtesy of Moses Nderitu
Mwanza Tanzania
Courtesy of Moses Nderitu

Why?

Comparison.

With?

My sister…God keeps pouring into her, telling her about her ministry and all…It has made me feel forgotten.

Is your life purpose the same?

No.

Are your personalities the same?

No.

So if you’re going different ways, do you think your path will be the same?

What do you mean?

Let’s say two of you are going to Mombasa, but you left in the middle of the night when the options were limited and your route meant you take a different mode of transport…do you complain? Ideally no…but in real life we do.

What if you are going to Mombasa but you are in full health and she cannot take the eight-hour trip, would you complain if she takes a flight and you have to take the bus?

Yes, I would I guess because she has only 45min of travel and I have a whole day.

But she is unable to do the long journey

And I am?

Of course because in the scheme of things you are healthy and able to handle the travel

Uhuh…and you want me to I apply this to life?

Yes. The thing you need to do is to spend time with God and find why you are here and keep that front & centre despite the challenges. Is it easy? Nope! Is it doable? Absolutely! Is it always pleasant? Not always!

Mwanza Tanzania Courtesy of Moses Nderitu
Mwanza Tanzania
Courtesy of Moses Nderitu

I understand. I truly do.

We’re different people with different destinations so the route you get there will be different.

I love how you analogize things.

Lol…it’s a gift I’m just discovering as I accept and walk the path laid out for me.

So you are saying…She’s going one place and I’m going to another so we just can’t be the same.

Yup.

Wow…

Is it easy? Not always. Is it good? Long-term definitely. Will I always like it? No. Will it go away? Unlikely.

And I just have to accept.

I’d rather you choose to accept.

What do you mean?

Think of it this way. When we feel we have to do something it becomes an obligation or a chore, something we settle for that makes us feel we’re powerless. When we choose, we take an active position; we opt and hence we are strong

I love that!!! Thanks I feel way better

It’s a long journey dear, and it needs grace. I’m learning to choose my responses daily.

What is the best response to choose?

I know it the best choices are trust and joy.

God has kept telling me how I kept choosing anger.

Why?

Even through this season, I kept telling God how happy I am for my sister.

Are you really happy?

When I’m not thinking about myself or feeling forgotten.

Joy is a permanent state. That has been my lesson, to learn to be glad for everyone…real heartfelt joy no matter what is going on in my life.

Wah, THAT’S HARD!!! That’s asking me not to think about myself

Was a long journey but it is possible and I’m glad I did

Talk about die to self

Rusinga Island Kenya Courtesy of Moses Nderitu
Rusinga Island Kenya
Courtesy of Moses Nderitu

It’s accepting that your path is just that…your path. It is God ordained and will be different from other. It is accepting that in order to achieve your life’s purpose, what you need & what others need is different.

Mmmmmmhhhh…mmmhhhhh

It is understanding that even if you covet someone else’s blessings they won’t come to you nor benefit you. Nothing will put the gifts of another in your hands. Just know that…

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  • How many of us are feeling forgotten because of blessings that others have received and we haven’t received ours?
  • Are we looking for and desiring the wrong things?
  • Do the things we yearn for add value to the reasons we are on earth or are they distractions and deterrents to us reaching our pre-determined destiny?
  • Do we even know why we are here and what we need to complete for our Father before HE calls us home?

It is time to begin to ask these questions if we haven’t already begun and make course corrections to the right track.

Shalom

THE CHRISTIAN WALK, The Simple Life

Living It Out Guilt Free


Photo taken in Anahein CA,  Courtesy of Roskyn Pryor
Photo taken in Anaheim CA,
Courtesy of Roslyn Pryor

Hi,

Hi. How are you?

I’m so sorry I never made it to your brother’s memorial.

It’s ok.

Really?

Well, I admit I looked out for you and was disappointed but what to do?

I’ve been feeling so guilty and was hiding.

Why?

Because I was scared you would be mad at me.

Hahahaa…really?

Yup!

Why?

Well, I promised you I would be there, you were counting on it and then I didn’t make it or explain why I didn’t make it.

Ok, granted I probably wanted to curse you out that day and for a few weeks after that but I eventually got over it. You know, guilt is a bad thing…don’t let it bite.

How don’t I let it bite when it is something that is so real?

Well, we all need to find ways to deal with it

We? What are you working though

Oh, so many things you know…

Related to what?

My brother, my friends, my family, work…everything really.

How? You seem to have it all together and as far as I know you do everything on time

Photo taken in Anahein CA,  Courtesy of Roskyn Pryor
Photo taken in Anaheim CA,
Courtesy of Roslyn Pryor

Girl I am no saint. There are days I goof off and make mistakes and have to work through the consequences.

Ok…

I was talking with Daddy the other day and telling him how I was so sad that some of the last things I said to Jimmy weren’t the best things to say to someone.

Really?

Yup!

Wow….What did you say?

Jimmy and I always fought for everything. I chalked it up to that is what happens when you are so close in age. I was always the more uptight and controlling of the two of us so I liked having everything in order. A few months ago, he showed up on my door step at two in the morning, asking for a place to sleep.

Well, how is that a problem?

He had made a scene downstairs, cursed out the security guards and actually hit my neighbours car.

Oh my!

Yup! When he said he was my brother the guards tried to call me but I didn’t pick up because my phones were all on silent so I could sleep. Suffice it to say they ended up on my door step ringing my bell till I woke up as had all my neighbours because he was making another scene. I let him in because I just wanted to get back to bed fully intending to sort things out in the morning.

Ok…

By the time I woke up he was passed out on the couch. My kitchen was a mess, my fridge was raided and my favourite centrepiece on the table broken. I waited for him to get up but he slept through till almost 3pm. I was so mad because I had guests coming at 6pm so I needed to clean up and set up everything.

Ok…

Photo taken in Anahein CA,  Courtesy of Roskyn Pryor
Photo taken in Anaheim CA,
Courtesy of Roslyn Pryor

I didn’t let him explain what happened or why he ended up in my house at that hour. I was so mad I told him that at times I wished he would just get out of my life and stay out. His jaw dropped and he simply picked his stuff and left. I went on with life and entertained my ‘worthy’ guests. Now he is gone for good and I wish he was here to make me mad.

Did you get to apologise?

Not really.

How come?

I tried to call him later but he never picked my calls for three weeks so I sent him a text to apologise. However, I will never know if he read it or not.

Why?

I sent it the day we were told he fell and hit his head

What time did he fall?

I don’t really want to know because that will confirm whether or not he read my text and I can’t really deal with him not knowing that I was sorry.

How come you were so nasty to him in the first place?

I was too proud. To me, his bad behaviour was a shame to the family and my otherwise spotless image. I didn’t want people to know I had a screw-up or a brother.

Why didn’t you send the text earlier?

I wanted to say I am sorry to him and text seemed to be an escape. I also didn’t want to be the one to eat humble pie and say sorry first because I believed he owed me an apology.

Oh my!

Yup! Now I don’t know if my brother knew I was sorry for being so mad at him

How are you dealing with it?

One day at a time. I am asking God to help me and working through the guilt.

Now I see…

See what?

Photo taken in Anahein CA,  Courtesy of Roskyn Pryor
Photo taken in Anaheim CA,
Courtesy of Roslyn Pryor

Why you were saying that guilt is a bad thing.

It is a very bad thing that we must avoid at all costs.

Isn’t it just another part of life?

I am beginning to think that it has become a part of life that should never have been accepted as part of life from the start.

Aha…makes sense.

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Are there people you have turned away because they don’t fit into your ‘perfect’ picture of life?

Who said your perfect picture is indeed God’s perfect picture?

Are you living by a list of do’s and don’t’s?

Extend grace, love and forgiveness remember that you too have your faults and God gave you a chance. Ask God how to deal with everyone who comes your way and deal with them only that way.

Shalom.