Seeking the Root – Fruit & Process

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Dear God,

John here. I know we haven’t spoken for a while but sitting here with Daud makes me want to speak to you and know whether you still exist and are still waiting for people to reach you.

Is all he is saying about you true? Do you really want to know me better and lead me? Can i really trust you like he says he does or is that reserved for a select few? Will my life really change when we meet? Do I even want to change my life or am just comfortable with it as it is?

I don’t get it. All my life I have known you yet here is someone who seems to know you deeper? Do you select who You want to be close to or is it open to all of us? Somehow it has always felt like a selection club…a bunch of favourites and I have been passed over for selection. Yet if what Daud is saying is true, then You actually love and care for me for who I am. Is it actually possible that you would look on me in love despite all the things I have done in the past? Is it actually possible that you would love me and want to be connected and related to me? I have always sorted things out for myself and never really needed external help, why would I need help now? I have my networks that work and contacts that come through, what more do I need?

Surely if my redemption is really that important and in your plan you need to do more than just sit there and wait for me to come to you. Why don’t you just show and we can have a face to face chat about life and the way forward?

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I am so tired of this routine of keeping appearances and hiding my questions on the inside and you know that in my position and at my status there are very few people I can ask questions like this. The last time I had a discussion of these nature with my sister and her friends it was all out there that I was in a life crisis and it really cost me too much at work. If you are really interested in me, make a way for me to see you and understand or at least, begin to understand that you are interested in me.

That said, I don’t want embarrassing scenarios, I don’t want people praying over me casting out devils (because they have tried), I don’t want my stuff exposed to the rest of the world. I am a private person and I need you to deal with me privately. In fact, if you can keep people out of my stuff and do this thing that you do as silently as you did for Daud…I’d appreciate. Then don’t ask me to share with others or testify about the change in my life. I am not that kind of person. I know you are good and that you care for people so please do me those simple favours and I would really appreciate.

So…I’m waiting to hear from you soon.


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