Shaken Up & Reconnecting – 4

2013-04-14 18.07.36

Dear Father,

Please don’t be angry with me. I am sorry for doubting that You care. I am sorry for wondering if You had forgotten me. I am sorry that I said You are not reliable, and calling You a liar and a hoax. In all truth I was on a tangent waiting for You to respond to me like I wanted You to respond to me. I simply wanted the answers I wanted and not the answers You had in place for me. I am sorry for that.

I am humbled like the men of old that You would remember and choose me worthy to 2013-04-14 18.07.01receive Your goodness. I am reminded how Mordecai challenged Esther that maybe she was created for such a time as this but she had to take her rightful position and accept the mantle You were placing on her shoulder. You always say Your yoke is easy and Your burden is light but when I think of Esther I really wonder what it means to have a heavy burden. If Your burden is light then how come my life feels so heavy sometimes and I feel so weighed down? Have I missed something? Oh Lord I wonder what it would be like to have all the madness that You have shielded me from on my back and no one to support me in the process. Then there are days like today when I wonder if You couldn’t have taken all the drama out of my life and just provided for me without much ado.

Father, I am humbled and blessed that You choose to remind me of Your goodness and don’t strike me down as You did Dothan and his family when they sinned against You at Jericho. Maybe I haven’t stolen or disobeyed yet so You have no reason yet most likely I know that it is just You having mercy on me. I know we live in the days of grace and You are gentler with us yet sometimes I think the things I do warrant being struck down. Thank You for Your grace and deep love that shields me from total disaster.

I am beginning to understand that as long as I walk with You and I trust in You things will work out some way, somehow. I am also beginning to understand that I need to hear You clearly and know Your voice so that I don’t doubt what I am hearing and whether I am hearing clearly. I have also begun to understand that You speak in many ways and if I wait 2013-04-14 18.07.50for You to speak the same way every time, I will miss out on Your word and therefore miss out on my next direction.

You Lord, have cut me down to size often and You have challenged me to be different and I don’t always know what that looks like. You have made demands on my life that I have felt are unfair in the past but now I know You are challenging me to walk with You only. You have allowed the little I have to be lost that I may look to You and find You. You have allowed the joy I have to be challenged that I may find deeper peace in You. What am I that You would be mindful of me? Yet in Your mercy You keep reminding me that You haven’t forgotten me and You are all I need.

I am struggling Lord because of all the pain and uncertainty that has been in and around me. I have struggled Lord because the answers aren’t always as forthcoming as I would want them to be. I have nothing right now except Your word but there are times it seems inadequate for me to keep walking. It makes me feel like I cannot see or reach the mark set out for me…I’m struggling Papa…

Help me Father to hold onto Your word over me as the only truth to operate under. I choose this day to walk in You and hear Your voice and follow Your leading. In a limited way I am beginning to understand that when David said in Ps 23 “Yea though I walk 2013-04-14 18.07.57through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no ill for thy rod and staff they comfort me.” Surely, he didn’t mean that it was only the physical death. There is also the death of my desires, my hopes and dreams and Your rod and staff comfort me as I move forward to connect to Your desires, hopes and dreams for me.

Father, I chose You today, not because I understand where I am or where we are going; or because You have tangibly provided all I need for now but because You are God and Lord over everything. Surely I can trust the Creator of heaven and earth to keep His word. So I make the choice to hear Your word, accept it, believe it and stand on it as it is the only sure foundation I have now.

It is done


What is the promise that God has spoken and confirmed to you about your life?

Are you standing solid and firm on the promises of God?

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