Archive | January 2018

Boot up


The conversation so far has been about food but exercise was in the mix from day six.

I was patting myself on the back about being good, posting pictures for coach to see what I was eating and really biding time; when I was younger we used to call it mark timing. It was interesting to see my food choices and I was so fascinated there so I simply stayed. I also too scared to exercise lest I made a fool of myself and stopped in the process.

Alas, nothing passes coach. You know those people who remember what you told them you will do and keep you accountable? That is my coach. He watched and waited and watched and waited but after four days of nothing, he voiced his concerns in his calm voice. I have never heard him raise his voice at anyone, and he has never told me off without a calm voice…oh, I digress.

You’re on point, so far, with food. Workouts are yet to be done

Yeah, I need to get gear and I don’t know what to do

Hahahaha….even as I said it I know that wouldn’t last and for sure a couple minutes later there are three sets of links in the chat (eye roll). How is it this one person is so intent on pushing me? Can’t a girl get a break?

Those two can be remedied easily.

Oh yeah?

Have you seen the links?

Yes

Look through them and let me know which works

Ok

So you will work out today?

Like really? Can’t I just have a day off and figure out what I am going to do and when and then tell him? Does he have to be so intent?

Yes.

Ok, I’ll check in later.

Sawa!

That is when it all came rushing in. It isn’t that I didn’t want to work out, not at all. I just didn’t want to say I would do something and then fail at it. Does that make sense? The thing that had held me in the place of indecision was fear. How many other times had I started a routine that didn’t go anywhere? How many times had I worked out and hurt myself? How often had I asked for advice and been told just look online?

If I was going to do this task and do it well I would have to dig deep and face these fears and uncertainties and win. I would have to be sure of the steps I am taking and learn to ask for help with I didn’t know. I would have to get out of my place of comfort and try new things and fail or not to them too well then rise again and conquer.

That is when I remembered that my Father in Heaven has promised to be with me even to the end of the age and since he is the one who got me on this path he has a plan for my good that begun here…facing the things I feared most, trusting him to carry me through to the other side and just stay the course.

So I started that day. It wasn’t all that but I was determined to start. I would do at least one exercise if that was all I could do and I did. Alas! First of all it wasn’t one and it wasn’t as hard as I had thought it would be. Oh I was out of shape but I was also not totally lost either.

I finished and was making breakfast for my boys when the lil man walked in, looked at me and said, ‘Mum you look really nice.’ Oh precious, even as it wasn’t about the fat I had lost, it was the strength I needed to commit to the process.

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Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he [it is] that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Deuteronomy 31:6

 

Even When I Relapse


So I improved a lot and I had reduced sugar and my eating was under control, or so I thought. One Saturday my lil man, sister and I were hanging out and he shares his ice-cream with me. What kind of mother would I be if I declined this gesture of love? Do you know how it could hurt his feelings? So I oblige him and eat.
Shortly afterwards at my sister’s house I choose to taste some candy. Oh my Father I heaven…it is down hill from there. I cannot seem to stop eating the sweets. They are these really lovely chews a lot like skittles. Walalalala…now I can’t stop.
So of course, I send a picture of the package to coach and confess that I’m having a hard time stopping. It goes something like this:
These are so yummy
Oh my word! 🙈
Aki aki, I don’t know what is happening today
Only you can tell…
I don’t know… Maybe the taste of sugar in the ice cream has triggered a major crash
That’s a start. When you starve the body of something, it learns to get rid of it. Once you introduce it, natural reaction is to binge
And you are just saying this now because?
You had to learn for yourself. Me telling you wouldn’t make sense till you experienced it fully
Really? Aki you are a hard teacher…
You’re welcome! 😊
I’m welcome? You mean there’s no sorrow on my behalf?
Sorrow? For what?
For me having a hard teacher
No, no, no! No sorrow. That’s how lessons are learned and remembered. Besides, what good is a soft teacher? Soft is seldom remembered. Hard leaves lasting memories.
Woi! I just have to learn because this is really a process based on God so it’s Him I should be asking for mercy not coach.
I lay it down, accept I need help and once again choose to be a vessel as He has defined. It’d be easy to lie and say I’m doing perfectly well, but my truth is that I am in process with my Father and He’s not given up on me so I won’t give up on me.

What did you decide?


The daily food journal was such an exposition as I sent it to coach every day without fail. He’d comment, ask questions about quantities eaten and the most common comment was, “You have a really sweet tooth.” Every day I wanted to hide and stop but the determination to change wouldn’t let me.

The light of scrutiny was glaring and I could not get away from it neither could I stand the suspense. I expected to be castigated and put down because I enjoyed so much sugar, yet it was always a gentle response from coach. Oh yes, gentle response but the questions asked were hard.. ‘What are you going to do about? How are you going to curb all this sweetness you eat? What is the plan?’ Really? I expected stern words. Oh don’t get me wrong he was serious and if looks could kill I’d probably be dead BUT even as he pushed me to conquer this, he was resolute it had to be me to make the choice.

What could I do? How could I change things? I thought and thought and a subsequent chat with coach brought something to light…I had to make a choice. I had to decide. Decide what you ask? I had to decide that the goal i set with God earlier is more important than eating sugar every day. I had to make a choice and work towards it.

I’m like really? I thought I have made the hard decision to start and then to know what I have to do. Now I actually have to decide how to control this sugar thing. This one took me deep. I had to understand that there was no way out of here other than to decide. So I chose to deal with the love for sugar. Oh and that was hard because it was in everything. It was in juice, soda, cookies, pastries and even fruit. I had to cut back and begin to regain control so yes, I decided to tackle the sugar,

I am working on it daily, I am growing, I am overcoming, I am walking strong because I know that as I conquer my food habits I will in the end conquer myself and come out better. This process is the route to a greater expression of the inner me so I will stay the course. I  was reminded that God doesn’t throw us off  if we do not get to the finish line when we want to simply because he is realistic about how he created us and he knows that in his time we will get there.

So I press on in this walk towards health and fitness as I press into the plan God has mapped out for me.

Lesson of the day: Decide; Decide; Decide.

pexels-photo-375897.jpeg“Let us choose for ourselves what is right; Let us know among ourselves what is good.  Job 34:4

 

 

Write This Down


I set my fitness goals and started as I could which was easy, tackling my eating. Hahahaha! I chuckle because people around me know I have been a careful eater all my life. In some circles I am even said to eat leaves and twigs, in others I am the one who doesn’t drink milk, in others I am the one who eats too little. There are so many ways I look like a good eater and I used to pat myself on the back. Key words…used to!

So the plan began with a food diary. What is a food diary? Oh quite simple…a record of all you eat. Most food diaries are a written record of what one eats but mine is different. I am very visual so the option I have taken is a picture of everything I eat and share it with coach. Wololo…how do I explain it? Take a picture of everything and I mean everything I eat and share it with someone else. Mind blowing!

Oh I started it, yes I did and I took a picture diligently but my word…when I started to see what I was eating through the eyes of another…that was intense. It wasn’t easy because I had to share a part of my life that I liked to keep private. I felt stripped, exposed, showcased. Then my real habits came to the fore; the things I thought I had under control like sugar popped up everywhere.

Oh my…how did it get this bad? I have always been proud of myself for portion sizing but I wasn’t really watching the other things I was eating in between meal times. Neither was I watching how much water or coffee I was drinking or if I was getting enough exercise. I also wasn’t watching how I was responding to work pressure with food. I just wasn’t watching because I thought I had a healthy lifestyle.

In a blink, I could see where all the weight I had gained came from…my plate and my habits. It all came to a grinding halt there. Why hadn’t I seen it? I wasn’t paying attention…simple. As difficult as that was to accept I decided to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

It got me thinking about the things I didn’t know about myself. If I didn’t know how much I was eating, what else was unaware about in my life? What else was there to learn? How could I change the direction of my life with greater knowledge of myself? Could my life change significantly by the simple move of writing things down?

My eating habits indeed started changing because I was logging it. I was able to see myself with a new set of eyes and without outside interference understand where I needed to make change. I was able to see things I had agreed to do different with God that I hadn’t been honest about that were holding me back. So I determined to keep logging the truth of my meals and am finding great strength to change permanently from that.

Lesson of the day: Write this down

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAnd the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. Habakkuk 2:2

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5

 

Start Here


In my last post, I mentioned my fitness buff friend who said I needed to sleep over my decision to get active about my health and fitness. How hard could this really be? I mean, watch what I eat and do a few simple workouts…how hard could it be? Wah!!!!

So I said let’s start but how about we finish the holidays and start in the New Year? Hahaha!!! He’s like why not tomorrow? Wait a minute…the tomorrow he was talking about was December 26th, 2017. Who in their right minds would start a new fitness program during the holiday’s right? I know you agree with me but that is the wrong answer. Gotcha!!

Why is it the wrong answer? I realised that any day can be a new beginning so why wait another give days to change my life?  I started the fitness regime that day…26.12.2017. I know right? Of course on the outside it looked like madness but my heart knew it was the right thing to do.

The hardest part was on December 25th night. Yes! Christmas night. While everyone around me was relaxing I had to figure out things…talk about no rest for the weary. Why was I doing this? What was my current weight and target weight? What would I change in my diet? How will I keep on track? You would think that coach would help right? Woi!!! He flat out refused!

I was like…what? You are the one pushing this; why are you being difficult? I bet you want to know his answer. It was so annoying but true. It was really simple, if I was serious about it I needed to figure it all out; what I wanted, when I would start, how I propose to do it and how I would be kept accountable. Surely a little help would be nice, right?

It is true that a little help wold be nice but I needed to figure most of these things out. In the last few months of my journey God has been clear that only He can direct my steps so I needed to consult with Him first. I know I had never told coach about this part of my life but God in His wisdom and madness gave coach a stand that led me right back to my pattern. Coach’s only demand was that I figure it out quickly and tell him.

This God! Eish! He is so beyond me. How does He set me up with the perfect source of strength who wouldn’t take my excuses and give that very source a plan that would push me back to Him for direction? So the journey started with me having to figure out what I needed to do and why from the perspective of my Father in heaven.

Then I stood on the scale and we discovered where I was in weight (I almost cried at the number) and where I wanted to be. Next was to understand why I needed to do this. By many standards I am not big just curvy in all the right places. However, there is an internal standard I have with God and the scale had already told me I was above where I needed to be. See…that extra needed to be dealt with. Now I had the right perspective and reason to start the journey.

This left me wondering what else I need to look at and deal with from God’s perspective. Who does He know me as that I have not yet attained but as long as I keep walking He will keep providing the help I need?

I know, there is nothing better! Everything is working out in ways that can only be God.

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Never Say Never


Never say never! I have heard this over and over but in this season it holds absolutely true in a new way. Let me explain.

I have said that I don’t need to work out because I can control my weight with just diet. Don’t even laugh. I know there are people who do that but there was a bigger reason I would say it. You see I have tried over and over to exercise and have failed miserably. You know where you do everything you know to do and it still doesn’t pan out as expected. That was me. I have started and stopped so many times I don’t even say that I want to exercise anymore.IMG20180109065340.jpg

Last year I kept feeling I needed to add something substantively exercise to my life but once again, for the life of me I couldn’t wrap my mind around how to make it work. I asked God for help and left it there. You know those things you do just because you can but don’t really expect anything different? Yeah! It was one of those ones.

Mid December, yes a full year passed, I was chatting with a friend about health and fitness and how it is something I’d like to do but don’t know how. Oh…I didn’t know what I was saying in that moment. He simply said he could help but I had to decide what I want and if I really want it since he doesn’t play games and will drive me hard. Hahahaha, I thought…what is the worst that could happen. He even said sleep over it before you decide and I was like for what??? A bit of exercise? Eish…be serious!

Wah!!! I should have known…when someone gives you a disclaimer repeatedly and tells you to think about it…there is something they know that you don’t and whatever it is can come back and bite you on the nose…Heh! Wacha tu!!! Hold it!!! Deep breath!!! Calm down!!! This one…it was only for God help me because I committed myself without much thought.

You know that day when you decide that you what walking with God could be like then when you start you are like….oh God! what did I get myself into? He simply says walking with me! Yet there you are thinking ati what? This is what walking with you looks like? I thought walking with you is all smooth sailing and peace, no pain or heartache. I thought it would be a breeze…but in reality it’s so much harder.

Then I remembered how God works with us telling us that he has it and we just have to decide to walk with Him. I remembered that He will never force us to do anything but will simply ask us to trust Him. He will never take us where he cannot keep us. he will never lead us where the path will destroy us. There are  bigger questions to answer:

  • Do we trust Him enough to let go and let Him hold us to account for our lives?
  • Do I trust Him enough to believe that His plans are indeed good and have a future and hope in it?
  • Are we in the place where what we want is what we pursue regardless of His plan for us?