Archive | February 2018

The Real Stakes

When do you meet with your coach?


Yes…when do you meet to discuss progress?

Oh, it’s on WhatsApp.

Really? Why?

He’s abroad.

What? You mean your coach isn’t here?


So how do you keep accountable?

I send pictures of my food and the workout details.

Oh! You can lie no?

Well I could but so far I haven’t?


Well, because this is a journey with God first and my friendship with coach is based on trust so I need to be honest.

But still…

Still what?

You don’t feel like telling him a lie about the workout etc…

Well it could happen but to what end when it is me benefiting from the process?

So how do you tell the truth?

It’s all in the questions he asks…he’ll be online soon I will show you.

Shortly after my phone pinged

Great workout today! How is your body responding to the new regime as you challenge it more? How is your heartrate?

Heart is racing during the workout but there is less burn every so often so am constantly upping and changing.

Great!!! You are doing it right. Is the heart rate consistent or straining?

Pretty consistent most of the time.

What is the change this week?

More cardio than HIIT.


Will the soreness ever go away?

Not really. It is your muscles response to changes in the routine and challenging the movement.

It’ll be this excruciating all the time?

Nope! It fades as you keep challenging and increasing. Just make sure to keep up the good work and rest.

Ahaa….so I need to rest?

Yes, two days a week. Haven’t you been doing that?


You need to heal, so work it in from now on.



What??? Those are the discussions you have?


Weh!!! There’s no way to lie with questions like that…wah! I can’t work with that coach.


He’s too intense.

Hahaha! To each one his own I guess.

Why do you say that?

This is just what I needed, someone who wouldn’t take my excuses.


I’d started and stopped so many times before it was do or do this time and I couldn’t do it alone.


In most areas of my life, especially in the visible public ones, I had successfully changed course but the hidden areas were a different situation. I hadn’t succeeded as much as I wanted until I began to ask for help…yes ask for help and by the grace of God, help came.

Health and fitness had always been a struggle. On the outside I looked like I had it all covered but on the inside I knew I was goofing badly.

Now that help was here, how could I be dishonest?

To lie to coach is to lie first to myself and then to God because this process is between us. So what is coach’s role? He is God’s agent, emissary, enforcer. If I lied, it wouldn’t be to him, rather it would be to my Father in heaven. It’s now a no brainer whether or not to be honest.

I would be lying if I said I had never thought about being dishonest to coach. The very thought occurred to me in the beginning. I mean, how would he know and he is eight thousand miles away. Right? Wrong! Why wrong? Well, who is the beneficiary? Me. So if I lie and I don’t shift and change as desired then for some reason get sick, who will be to blame? Who will suffer? Who will lose? Only ME!

Honesty is therefore a personal conviction lived out in a personal way.

In a world where people are ok with half effort, half-truth, just enough to get by it is challenging to be fully honest but I have to make a choice. The big questions are:

  • What would making a choice cost me?
  • What would the lie cost me in the end?
  • What would I lose?
  • What was at stake?


The other questions are:

  • If I am dishonest is this one area, what else will I be dishonest about?
  • What else will I look the other way about?

Ah!!! This journey is so interconnected… #NoExcuses

Because of water? Really?

Consistent exercising? ✔️ Eating right ✔️. Getting better at it daily ✔️.

A rhythm is now going and I’m getting more comfortable daily. Hah! What I mean is that the desire and capacity is growing and totally consistent. Yet sometimes it just doesn’t seem to work.

So after a late night and skipped dinner because it was late and I don’t eat late, I had a slow start to the day and many other challenges so I didn’t work out and hence there is no post for coach to see when he came online. By now you know he doesn’t take things too easy so of course he asked about it and I was trying to ignore the situation.

Have you worked out today?



I had a late night yesterday, skipped dinner and a slow start today so I am tired.

Ahaaaa! Not too happy with the lack of meals. I understand the circumstances but you need to do better.

I was tired because of the late night as mentioned.

I know that and understand the circumstances but doesn’t someone lives by the credo #NoExcuses.

I haven’t made a decision but for now I am seated watching telly. That said, minds can be changed you know?

I’ll hold you to that you know?

I do!

By the way, what’s your water intake?

At least 1.5 daily.

1.5 glasses?

Eish!! No!! Litres.

Ah, ok. What’s your goal?

2 litres daily

Ok, today’s intake?

Almost 1litre.

Almost? Is almost now a measurement?

Eish…what is the problem? Can’t he just be cool and leave me alone? Why is he so pushy? Surely I could do with a break for one day but coach is unrelenting. He’s making life so hard! I realised that God is doing more by allowing His son to keep pushing me. If this isn’t the real deal, what is the real deal?

Then it struck me…there was indeed more. What is really going on inside me that I am so cranky and getting more worked up than necessary in the face of simple questions? What am I refusing to deal with? Did I even want to face it? I was cranky because I knew that my water consumption wasn’t up to scratch and I needed to do something about it. It was a case of defensive because I didn’t want to deal with the matter.

Was I doing the same thing to God? Was I shutting down things that I needed to be facing so I would go to the next phase? Was I walking away from things that would make me grow? Was I asking the right questions? Why was I doing this?

Simple! I wanted to hedge my position of new and dominant. I wanted to remain relevant. I wanted to know the strength of loving my body enough to do what is best for it even when I don’t want to and avoiding feelings when asked where I am or how come you haven’t called me.

calm-2315559_1920The water issues was an indication of something bigger deeper on the inside that must be captured and dealt with decisively. I have since asked God for a new perspective of water and have seen it. Small things like when to start drinking, how to stave off hunger, when to listen to my body and when to ignore it, how often to ask for help when I feel I am losing it…ask for help on everything.

Didn’t Snooze Didn’t Lose

Everyday my mind wakes up a minute before my alarm goes and I have learnt to get up soon after. By get up I mean get out of bed and it is so funny that my body is so ready to go when that alarm goes. This wasn’t always the case especially as I was the poster child of the snooze button.

Thank God for smartphones so I can set more than one alarm. For a while now I would set four alarms half an hour apart, with the last one as the latest I could ever get up. Sounds ridiculous right? But that is how I used to roll. I’d snooze alarm 1, alarm 2, alarm 3 and think oh no…when alarm 4 goes off. In the process of thinking oh no, I would drop back to sleep and wake up like ten minutes into the pressure zone and from there on, the day is a mess.

Those days were relatively simple as I had to get the lil man and myself ready to run out the door. Not anymore. Now I needed to find at least forty minutes to workout before I start the usual school work routines. Initially I couldn’t see where to find the time. because I wake up at 5am and run out of the house at 7am having done this long list of things to get ready…where would I find the time?

Anyway, I decided to see how things would go from here. The next day, the four alarms went off, in their thirty minute intervals and though I was mostly awake between the first and last one I didn’t get up since it was still the holidays. When I finally I got up I went to apologise for not finding time and God stopped me in my tracks.

Do you seriously have no time to work out?

Just look at this routine…where is the time?

In the morning!

Really? Can’t you see how much I need to get done every morning?

There is indeed quite a bit to do but you waste two hours every morning?

You’re joking right?

Nope! Just watch yourself and see the truth.

Mmmmhhhh! How and where do I waste two hours a day? I’m sitting there scratching my head when in my mind I see my alarms going off…four alarms in half hour intervals…just do the math! Oh my! I snooze away two full hours every morning…two full hours…have I lost my mind? What a waste! What got to me even more is that I had done this for four years and never noticed it…what is wrong with me?

With a simple prod, my Father had I must deal with my perspective. I was so caught up in the middle of the madness that was life I couldn’t see it until he pointed it out. When he said two hours, I was like pssshhhh!!! Yet after careful searching there it was, two hours wasted but invisible because it was normal…I was used to it.

He didn’t leave it there though. So what if I had realised I was wasting time, what was I going to do about it? What else couldn’t I see about my life that needed his perspective? What was my next action? He prodded till I decided to wake up with the first alarm. Yes! Two hours earlier than I used to. It wasn’t easy but I was determined to make my Father proud, I was determined to follow His word over me and His faith in me!

He knows the plans He has established for me. He had gathered help from unlikely distances. He has gathered witnesses to learn from the process. He has said that all things are possible with Him, surely I can draw near to Him and hold on to the plan in total faith and fidelity!



It is a daily walk to rise above the normal to see HIS reality and connect dots to the destination HE set out for me.

Beautiful Pain.

A while ago I stepped up the workout and entered the unknown. I opened up the app and it said Paleo Run. I thought, ‘Ok, not too bad they look simple enough,’ and I started. Wah! In the middle I wanted to quit but my Father kept asking me ‘What do you think you are doing?’ So I kept trudged on.

A few days later I switched the routine again and felt like my body was shaking, burning and crashing all in one. Oh I needed wisdom to understand this one. My God! How is it that my body is complaining so hard yet You had asked me to step it up? My body is on fire from the inside and relief only comes when I stopped the workout. Yet I could hear within me, ‘Just finish!’ So I slogged, dragged, crawled, clawed and finished, and I am not being dramatic. You should have seen me collapsed on my exercise mat once I was done…it was a sight!

In theory I had heard people say they hurt after workouts but oh I had never experienced it myself. I have worked out before and lost weight and gained definition but the pain I have felt as I have stayed the course and increased the intensity is totally new. Coach said it is normal so I went online to read and found it is true. Ok, did I doubt him? Tihihi…for a bit because I couldn’t get that this pain was good for me. In fact when I mentioned the aches and pain, his response was ‘Good!’ Like really? How now? Sometimes I think he is a slave driver then I remember how I asked God for help and he sent coach so I relent.

As I searched I found out that it is important to keep switching up my workout so that my body doesn’t get used to it and slow down. This reminded me of Ma’s workout that was so diverse every day. If you follow her thread, it is such a diverse mix of stuff that blows my mind. As I paid closer attention I realised that she too talked about the pain, and the shakes as did my sister Mandarina. Aha!!!! I am not abnormal! I even found the hashtag #pushingpastthepain and found I am not alone in this journey.

You should have seen me dance and embrace the pain. Embrace it in the sense that this was part of the process to let go of the old form and sculpt a new form. It was part of the process to move from the old me to a new and better me. Oh there have been days when in the middle I ask myself what I was thinking and answer that it is all about obedience to God. Other days I want to just cry and give up but when I stop I hear my heart ask, ‘You are actually going to give up?’

My body has refused to let me quit even when every muscle is screaming. My body has decided she is on track to the prize laid out for her by her Father so I align and connect to that path fully and joyfully because this is the road to victory. It got me thinking…what else do I need to change and shift in other areas of my life. you see, I don’t believe this process is only about my health and fitness. I have come to see that it is a precursor for a life of #NoExcuses and #NoLimitations going forward.

IMG20180116184928.jpgSo Father, what else do I need to see that I need to grow and stretch and hurt through to become a better version of me for you? what other areas of growth are there for me to move through? How does this process intertwine with the other processes around me? Please help me see the real depth of what you are doing inside me and walk with you diligently as  you change me despite the pain of the change. Have you way!

No More Me Too

Over the years I have said over and over that each one must hear God for themselves and this morning I was reminded of that.

Health and fitness has been and continues to be a clarion call in the family with different people doing different things. There is one program that quite a few of us are on and the results are seen in days…literally. On the outside I was fine not to be on that program but as I heard from more and more of my siblings what they were doing I begun to ask if I too should be on it. Crazy right?

One day, in a conversation with my ma, I received clarity. She was sharing her journey and how God has been very intentional step by step with her and I realised that I too needed to remain committed to my process with Him. If I was honest with myself, for a moment I had lapsed back into the ‘me too’ thought process and walked away from my uniqueness in God. I had forgotten that because He made me specifically, He would have a specific plan for me and the levels of specificity would be so high that no one else’s plan would work.

Talk about course correction. I had to stop and ask God again, what the plan was for me. oh my! Speechless! There were things He planned to break and shift in  me that could only happen when I found out my personal self-limiting thoughts and destroyed them at the root. There were things he wanted to highlight so that I would never go back there. There are things that will only stick if I find them out the exact way He would have me find them out. You know how a parent shakes their head in disbelief when their child throws a tantrum? I could see God looking at me similar.

I have said many times to people that we all need to find who God says we are from before the foundations of the earth and live in that way and here I was putting that aside to be like everyone else. In the place I am positioned, this operating like everyone else will not get me more friends. My family is wise enough and have discernment to pick up on the things that are out of place and call them out without fear because God has commanded us to be true to who He has said we are and we will in the end be accountable for that.

This has allowed me to settle into my process and keep my eyes focused on the goal set with my Father in Heaven. It has also opened the door for me to be honest with myself and see perspectives I would never have seen. One of the greatest things I have found is a very deep faith in God and His word over me. The word that never changes and can be challenged and stand strong.




His word is reliable because, He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. Shalom.


Push Through…Come On!

In the past, I had convinced myself that I couldn’t do certain exercises. I had determined in my head that they were too hard and I would never be able to get them straight so I would injure myself. Where had this come from? Oh, quite simple, a corner of life I had refused to deal with…where else? Here I was in the middle of nursing an injury needing to push myself more and more daily but there was a corner of my mind I needed to deal with.

I had conquered sit ups with practise now I needed to use that strength to conquer the next thing…planking. For those who don’t know what it is…check this out. I also had to figure out variety because I didn’t want my body to get used to the same routine so I looked through the exercise book on the app I am using.

Oh the capacity to say I can’t do that, I can’t do that, I can’t to that was so strong I had to look it in the face and find out why. My maternal grandfather always told his children, thankfully not his grandchildren, ‘Can’t is a word in a fools dictionary.’ So I am no fool so I needed to get that word out of the way. However, the greater driver had to come from my walk with God.

Had he asked me to follow this path? Yes! Does he change his mind? Not often! Does he set impossible routes for us? Never. I know some will say that he puts things in our paths that are painful and we cannot bear but he also promises to never leave us nor forsake us, he promises to be our shield and buckler, he promises to lead us in the dark places…so why was I being so foolish?

‘Dear Lord, you say all things are possible with you as long as I believe, so I am standing on your word for this one. I cannot do it if I try and I need to be able to get past this fear so please help me.’ Oh and bit by bit he came through. I am seeing incremental growth; little steps from 10 second planks to 15 seconds to 20 seconds; from only two reps to five or six reps of planking; from 5 sit ups to 10 sit ups the list is endless of these little steps.

Every day I marvel at how we have done and then share with coach and true to form he celebrates with me but always asks, ‘Can you do five more and add one more rep?’ The other day I bit back with, ‘Surely give my body time to acclimatise!’ His response was calm as ever, ‘I didn’t mean you add today, I just need you to keep the thought of adding front and centre.’ Guess what…the next morning my Father in heaven asked, ‘So how many more can we add to this set?’ I’m like…really? Can’t these two give me a break?

You know the answer as well as I do; No! They won’t give me a break until we reach the goal and then God changes the course and we keep going. So I press on towards the mark that is set out for me because He who begun the good work in me is faithful to complete it, I just have to agree with him.


Come on Mountain…Move!

This journey would not be possible without a level of faith. Oh I thought I had strong faith before but this journey has taught me that faith is a daily thing.

Twenty days into my exercise journey I hurt my leg in the most unusual way. Hahahaha, there’s no usual way to get injured but wah!!! We were setting up for a family celebration and there were challenges with some of the décor items. I had a brain wave and went to action it when I slipped on a stone and severely twisted a muscle in my foot. Oh how unexpected to get injured…how unexpected.

Now I know that seeing stars is real because I saw stars and was blinded for a quick moment as my heart cried out, ‘Oh God please stop any major injury that I can serve and complete my task today.’ It was as if my foot moved backward and something internally shifted but the pain was there. I finished my portion with a very slight limp then asked one of sisters to rub my leg because I needed someone who would not relent when I felt pain. We confirmed that it wasn’t a break or ankle sprain and for that I was glad

Oh but I felt pain to the point of seeing stars again. Wah! How can something be so painful? Surely, how can this happen just when I was getting the rhythm of regular workout? How oh how? I drove home as the swelling hit and the throbbing started but thanks to a wonderful lil man, there was hot water for soaking ready when I got home.

What surprised me though was that my biggest concern wasn’t that I was injured but that I wouldn’t be able to work out in the morning. Can you imagine just how much God had done in twenty days? As I lay down to rest my ardent prayer was ‘Lord, please help me find a way to work out even with this injury.’

By morning, wisdom had arrived…we’d take two days off major exercise and I would flex the foot as often as I could handle the pain. When we resume on Monday the focus for three weeks, would be exercises I could do sitting and without pressure on my foot. This meant exercises like planking, sit ups and push ups that I’d wanted to avoid for a little longer.

You know those things that just give you a brain freeze when you think about them that look like the Himalayas? These exercises did just that for me. My ready excuse to coach was I don’t know how to do sit ups, but quickly I found myself online looking through videos *hides*. There was one video I felt I needed to watch but wilfully decided to skip it but alas, that is the very video coach sent. Ah! This God, He was thwarting me at every turn so I decided to listen.

‘Dear Father, please help me shift the mountain in my mind and cause my body to follow,’ was all I could pray and He answered it to a T. Every day I slogged through the exercises until I could do them well. The miracle was after watching the video I had tried to skip I could do sit ups without residual back and neck tension meaning I finally got it right. For sure, God had shifted me, albeit by force but He had shifted me and I wasn’t going back.



Every day I ask for a new level of faith to make it through and God continues to be faithful. Every day He says, ‘…And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.’ Matt 28:20