It is so tempting to put across the veneer that all is well and I don’t need help of any kind. It is even easier to show the world strength while that is all a facade. The deeper dimension is how hard to ask for help. Let’s add the dynamic of the superwoman or superman complex. The people we always go to who always have it together. The people who are strong no matter what and never need to be propped up. The people who sort it all out without blinking and never complain or ask for help or recognition.
The biggest thing that plagues this team is the question, ‘How do I ask for help when all my life I have been the one helping others?’ I was one of these for a long time till God allowed it all to come crashing down. Why do I say it is God? Well, who else would aggregate just the right things for my life to fall apart and I be unable to drive myself forward to success. Why would he allow me to be unable to get out of bed or to the next appointment or the next day? Oh, yes he can allow it; just think of Job and how He allowed him to lose it all but his wife and life.
He allows it and it is hard to ask for help. Why is it hard? Where to start really? First, it demands that I become vulnerable and oh I hated that. Why would I want to expose my ‘weakness’ to someone and allow them to use it against me. Second, it demanded that I depend on another person. Ha!! Who would do that willingly and why? They will disappoint you and you will just want to hang someone. Third, it demands that I talk about what I am going through…heh! Talk is overrated so I would rather be silent for the rest of my days.
So when God demands that I ask for help is because he has an agenda. Recently I have realised that his agenda is simple, to become the most important part of my life and the one I lean on. Nothing has shown me this like this fitness journey. I have family in the process who keep me in check and become the voice of reason, support and challenge. They also serve about the possibilities of where we can go and into the realisation of the love we need for the journey. However, the greatest thing I have realised is the he is demanding I GROW.
What do I mean GROW? Simple really! I become a better version of myself. In fact, his demand is that I become the version of me he sees. So even as I go through this process, it is not about what coach advises or what my siblings are doing…it is about hearing what he says I need to do.
At the start I was using the excuse of not knowing what to do to get away and true to form coach sent me a couple of links. I looked at them and walked away…bila shame! (No shame). I thought I’d got away with it until two weeks ago when he brought the same to mind and said that is the next work out regime we are doing. Maayyyyooo! It scared me because there are exercises I used to fear and the intensity increased daily to ensure the body isn’t comfortable.
It has helped to have help because every time the demand to increase routine has come I have known there is a great cloud of witnesses watching but also rooting for me. Help as God has determined is important. It is of no use to have people watching and supporting who will only go and back stab you. I love the way my life has been because he has send the demanding help more often and more.
I had to be honest with myself and say that help isn’t such a bad thing.