Monthly Archives: December 2018

No Loss Only Gain

I’m looking back to a day like today last year, December 26th 2018, the day I began the journey to wellness. It is a day of deep reflection. So many things have changed since that day.

The most obvious thing that has changed is my state of mind.

I’ve found that as soon as I am fully committed to something that’s all I need. I have learnt that I am the decision maker in my life and must live life as such. I have always known that I make the choices but for so long it was easier to blame life, people and the things going on around me for the state of my life. The journey wasn’t without struggle but it was also covered with learning that shook and grounded me simultaneously.

A couple of years before, a friend said that I needed to stop playing the victim and begin taking charge of my life. Harsh statement but as I thought about it, I saw how right he was. There were areas in my life I was unable to handle because I didn’t know how to and I didn’t want to appear needy or incompetent. I was hiding struggle and fear behind false confidence, indifference and anger yet this was stunting my growth. I wasn’t whole or rational but from the outside, I was cool as a cucumber.

I had to make a significant change in my life. I had to find a new path. I had to improve and this was one option.

As I begun the journey, I had set my targets and sent them to coach in the middle of the night so I had time to process but he’s an early riser so he saw them early the next morning. Hiding had come to an abrupt end at my request and I held the key to continue or stop. This was my chosen path and I had to keep moving so I decided that no matter what I would make it plain to those around me and ask them to hold me to account for the process. It worked.

Looking back over the last twelve months has been really astounding. I see profound changes; I have become a totally different person. I am stronger, slimmer, happier, and calmer. The aspect of calmer is what grabs my attention today and it raises two questions namely, why have I become calmer? How do I remain calmer?

I am calmer because:

  • My life is now based on the word of God and He has proven himself true and able repeatedly
  • I know I can set my mind to a task and complete it even with extreme opposition
  • I have determined in my heart and mind what needs to be done
  • My life is now based on the word of God and he has proven himself true and able repeatedly
  • Nothing shakes my resolve

I will remain calm by:

  • Keeping my mind on the word of God
  • Remaining accountable to my travel partners and other accountability mechanisms
  • Remembering that this journey is not about me so I must help others find and walk in their determined paths

This journey is never about me and will never be and the sooner I learn this and live by it life becomes and remains better.

Be Mindful

Do you remember those days when you could keep going for days like an energiser bunny? Those ones where all you needed was a cup of coffee and you are fired up after almost no sleep? I do!

I don’t miss them.

Ha! Some of you expected me to say I miss them, didn’t you? As life’s seasons change so does how you function and you need a different set of skills to make it through.

I remember going for overnight prayers, hangouts or study sessions and still functioning well the next day. I remember turnabout trips up county, twelve hours each way and twelve hours on location, getting back and going to class. I remember going to class after eight hours on the road and still understanding classes, passing exams and keep a high grade point average.

I remember working all day, dashing home, travelling six hours to see friends, hanging out for the weekend with late nights, long stories and a dash back to the city on Sunday then work on Monday. I remember long days on the road then to a site, setting up till the midnight, get home at one and back on site at seven the next morning.

I remember it all and I’m glad I did it but I also remember other things.

I remember near misses for road accidents because I was totally wiped, driving with windows down, AC on full and music on high just to have enough noise around me to stay awake for the forty minute drive home and still falling asleep for a couple seconds. I remember getting into bed after nine days on the road and sleeping for sixteen hours much to my lil king’s frustrating.

I remember forgotten conversations, missed pitch opportunities, misplaced anger and frustration, poorly done documents, long work times, slow decision making, ineffective meetings, arguments and blow ups all because I was exhausted.

No more! Never again!

I’m reminded of
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28‭-‬30 NKJV

I’m not saying don’t put in your time, you are answerable to God for that. I’m saying,

Be careful how you live that it may bring glory to God.

How? We will hear His heart and mind, connect to it and become all He has established is to be.

Missing Pieces

We find ourselves in difficult situations that we may want to get out of or around like the children of Israel. When they didn’t have water in the wilderness they complained, then they complained about no meat, no bread, no fruit, no luxury…no this or that until God just provided them with manna and quail.

At times we take how God provides for granted saying that it is His responsibility to do so. I used to until I realised that yes it is His responsibility but He has a choice to take care or not.

Case in point is in the desert. He could have wiped out the Isrealites but two things held Him back;

  1. His promise to Abraham that his descendants would be a great nation and God’s representatives for life.
  2. Moses… Moses reminded God of His word and asked for favour for the people.

The wilderness was indeed the first place God took the Isrealites after captivity because of what it represented. It represents a place of:

  • Breaking free from patterns and behaviour that will not be beneficial on the path ahead.
  • Meeting, learning about and connecting with God. Their time in Egypt had dimmed their understanding of God and they needed to be weaned of the things of Egypt
  • Death – this was the removal of anything that would stand in the way of their obedience to God. Sadly for this time it included whole generations
  • Divine provision and preparation – this was the place where God would showcase His love and concern for His people. As proof of who He was and what He could do God gave the people manna, the food of angels with specific instructions how to use and store. _Men ate angels’ food; He sent them food to the full. Psalms 78:25 NKJV_.
  • Training – It is here that Joshua and Caleb were trained to lead and the people saw what God can do

With all these things in mind, shouldn’t the wilderness be something we embrace and even desire?

Granted it isn’t always easy to stay put but it ultimately produces good. Don’t look at me like that… Just read on 😉

It is a place of choosing between life and death, past and future, destiny and stagnation. Wouldn’t you rather choose life? It’s really like the health choices we make. I can choose to follow the traditional thinking that a married woman should be fat to show she is well cared for or I can choose to pursue and remain at the picture of health God has painted for me.

It’s really a personal choice whether I’ll pursue God or the things that are easier to attain like just staying as is, eating how I want and never leaving the bench. It’s all about choice. I remember my dealings with coach where he only asks questions and then demands that I be honest with myself.

Self honesty is most difficult at the start but in time you learn it’s the greatest asset you have.

A few weeks ago, my mentor really brought it home for me. We were chatting about my next steps and how I’d got there and what I see ahead when she said, ‘I am seeing so many possibilities and yet this is something you must see yourself.’

What was she seeing and how come I couldn’t see it? I asked myself. The sense of wonder reminded me of a conversation with a friend where I told him the same thing and couldn’t understand why he was left feeling so driven. In fact his question was one I asked myself, “Makes me wonder what He keeps showing you but won’t show me 🤔.”

Since I know God is just and He responds when we call I have decided to press in and ask what He sees ahead. Why ask Him? Well, it’s rather simple. If I can’t see it but He has shown someone else as they ask Him to prevail on my behalf surely He will reveal all the matters concerning me.

There are people and nations tied to my full connection to His reality so its not an option whether or not I must arise into the fullness He sees.

So I head back to the place He calls me His beloved and wait on Him to show me the full expression of His love and how His life becomes the fuel for mine.