Have you ever had something to get past and didn’t know how to or didn’t really want to do the work to get there? Let me surprise you that even if you don’t know it, fear reigns. Ha! I know it sounds crazy but is real. It is funny how we can get caught up in perpetual thinking until we don’t move.
I thank God for people in my life who don’t give me room to delay or hang back.
There are projects I have kept on the back on the back banner for a while and since I am not usually one to procrastinate, I kept wondering what is going on. Now I know there are things I needed to deal with before others would be well articulated so I had to do some work.
In late 2018 I mentioned a pending project my mentor and she asked a slew of questions. As I answered them I realised I was the thing holding me back. No one else… just me! Oh wow!! That moment was intense when I say the absence of a clear plan and accountability as the issues and we agreed to change that.
As days went, I thought about the task but didn’t make much progress yet she didn’t relent. Finally, after a period of silence, she asked when the first part would be ready. A specific date came to mind but it felt too close so I was hesitating when she said, ‘Give me the date that came to mind first and stop allowing your mind to tell you why it is impossible.’
You know those times when you are certain God has you cornered? This was one.
I had looked at the situation and deemed it too big to fulfil because I didn’t have all the ideas and connections to complete it. I identified the potential competition and was too scared to go against it. I saw the intensity of the assignment and allowed fear to take root. Oh, it didn’t look like fear from within just too many obstacles to succeed.
As if on cue, coach calls me out of fear in an unrelated conversation and I’m like what??? This God! He is in the business of doing things His way and reminding me He’s in charge and will provide every opportunity, trigger and idea needed to achieve His end.
Coach simply said, ‘You see, the big decision is whether to conquer fear and leap to the other side of it clean or let fear reign and keep holding you hostage in the very place you detest. In reality, you will never know what’s on the other side until you make the leap but the choice is all yours. Who knows, you might come through and unlock new discoveries and pathways in your life and you’ll never know until you try.’
I was stumped when he added, ‘Comfort encourages status quo. Nothing is ever gained or learned from comfort, fear or complacency. Take a risk. See what happens, knowing that no matter what happens you’re well on the way to becoming the woman, wife, mother, child of God you’re destined to be. Before then, you have to promise yourself that you’ll dig deep and do what it takes to get to that side of the story’
I decided that despite all the progress I’d made, there is still lots of growing needed.
I haven’t become all that God has said I will become because growing never stops. I also learnt that changing is constant and there’s no room for doubt and disbelief. I have to put on my boots and overall then head out to do the work; this includes my faith walk, eating, exercise, reading, work, and relationships. I also know that though everything I have learnt so far is useful, it’s nothing compared to what He has in mind.
Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that or which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14 (NKJV)