The year started quickly with goals set, targets lined up and the list sent to the system manager knowing that we were in for a year as good as 2018, or so I thought. A couple of days after submitting the plan to coach for accountability, I realized it wasn’t a true reflection of the plan for the year. In fact, It felt like I wasn’t the one who wrote it in the first place. Ha! How could that be?
After a time of reflection and recalibrating, I found I had simply taken the targets for 2018 and reworded them. First off, I didn’t even realise I had just adopted pre-existing actions. Why? It was easy and seemed right at the moment but it wasn’t. It was the lazy girl’s solution and I was unaware of it. As a result, I lost a bit of steam for the year yet I had earlier chosen to always move forward no matter how challenging things were or could get. Yet here was the opportunity to stand for my word and I chose the easy way out and I had to shift back to the right course.
The journey of isn’t for the swift but the determined, deliberate and dedicated.
A few mornings ago, I was thinking about this new path of intense honesty and recalled my choice to connect to the ongoing realities of 2019 and adjust accordingly because this is a year like no other. There has never been a year like this and there will never be another one. This isn’t a flippant statement but a deep certainty. 2019 is demanding my full attention and commitment. It is demanding deep gut-wrenching honesty with myself and the world around me. It is taking nothing but all of me because the internal and external shift must be fully aligned and completed.
There is no room or time to choose paths based on emotions or past success. There is only room to understand the fullness of who I am in Christ and constantly and devotedly work towards that. There is only room to walk in step with Papa and do only what He says, when He says and how He says. There is only room to dive deeper into the love He has offered me and to change and become the right person so that He can do all He needs to do with, in and through me. I can no longer behave like a porcelain doll and just look delicate and pretty. He has guaranteed I will look good but it is all for His honour and glory.
Even though I still don’t have the full picture, I press on knowing that as I keep asking He will keep unfolding and as I keep unfolding He will keep unwrapping the depth, breadth and height of His love for me and His capacity to draw me in and turn me into the fullness of what He sees.
Papa, open my eyes that I may see as only you know I must see, become who you say I am and accomplish all you have established is part of my walk. Nothing less; only more of you and your plan for humanity! Amen