Monthly Archives: May 2019

My Father: The Example

My Daddy C is the best in world

But you may not like him

He’s the epitome of love

But wields a big stick


Nothing gets past him that he needs to notice

No one can pull the wool over his eyes

You can’t pull a fast one on him

So don’t even try


Don’t try and lie because God will whisper in his ear

Don’t say you will do something he will hold you to account

Don’t stop growing or you won’t understand what he is saying

Don’t feel entitled or you will be disappointed


I have known him for over a decade and he has never changed

He loves God more than all us and cannot suffer fools

He gives you what you need not what you want

He pushes you to become the best version of yourself


If God has nothing for you through him you get nothing

He is not interested in theatrics or platitudes

The only thing you will get from him is God

He is too concerned with his walk to give you less


I used to wonder why he is distant and didn’t baby me

Until I realized that my path demanded a strong woman

He spoke little, asked many questions and pushed hard

Until I understood that it was for my good


I learnt to seek God more than him

I learnt to know my place in the plan with God

I learnt to be sure of the voice of God and to seek His heart

I learnt that God is the reason I know Daddy and not the other way around


I love Daddy but I love God more

I love talking to Daddy but I talk to God more

I would love Daddy’s approval but I seek God’s more

I would love to make Daddy happy but I’m desperate to bring God glory


God is my love, my heart, my all

He is the ruler, king and Lord of my life

He draws me closer and determines who I walk with

God makes my life worth it


Daddy must walk run his race with perseverance so must I

I will seek guidance but he is not the deciding factor

He is a guide and the evidence that walking with God is possible

I must meet, walk with and become the FULLEST expression of God to my generations


Deeply Steeped

Recently, I have found people who make me really think and push me to become bigger and better. One of my recent finds is Grace Favour with thoughts and words that make me think deeply. A few days ago, one particular one caught my eye…



My Beloved Child,

You are born of My Spirit, who is Truth, and reveals to you the hidden things that are being prepared either for or against you and what concerns you. You will not be ambushed, taken by surprise and attacked unawares. You will be in the right place at the right time because you knew of your divine appointment by My Spirit and were prepared for it, way in advance.

Trust My Spirit within you. Yield to Him. Lean on Him. Rely on Him wholly!

Your Daddy,



Why did it stand out? Simple! It reaffirmed a truth I already knew and gave me fuel for the journey. Let me explain.

We often find ourselves in places that seem less than ideal and leave us wondering if God has forgotten us or we walked away from Him altogether. It gets even harder when we realise that our lives are to showcase something other than we envisioned and we then struggle with the call upon our lives.

The struggle has always been that there are things I want and I believe God will bless me with if I do things the right way and do a prescribed set of actions. I thought these things I wanted were more important than the path He is leading me on because they would enable me to be a more effective for Him so I would find ways to negotiate with God using scripture to back up my position.

Delight yourself also in the Lord; And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Ps 37:4

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matt 6:33

I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. Ps 34:4

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I would ask Him, “have I not delighted myself in You yet You have not given me the desires of my heart, not have You given me all these things neither have you delivered me.” I would wonder what I had or hadn’t done so that He would withhold His goodness from me and allow me to wallow in the sense of loss and lack of achievement. I was so clueless about what was happening until He begun to decode if for me

In reality, I don’t have to know anyone other than God. He is the one who provides everything. He calls, trains, equips, assigns, dispatched and removes the veil. He is also the one who stops me, restrains, compels and evicts me from places that wouldn’t honour him.

The only requirement is that I lay my life down at His feet and make Him Lord over all my life.

Now this is where it at times got dicey. If I make Him Lord, it means that He has the final say about direction, impact, actions and everything else on the path. It also means that I allow Him to lead through the very thing I want to control the most which is my mind.

Total yielding has been the challenge.

Being totally yielded means that I allow Him to lead me as if I am blind and can do nothing for myself. It means I allow Him to call the shots and figure things out even as He has given me a fully functional brain. It means that I accept I know and can do nothing other than lean in and understand who He is and then live the same way. It means letting go of everything I have so far held dear for His glory.

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The letting go was hard because my ego had me convinced that as long I don’t have a clear plan or set of shots from God, the I cannot move and I cannot be a good Christian. However, now I know that not the amount I know has significantly reduced since I began asking Him to take over every aspect of life and become the only choice of right and wrong. I knew that unless we talk about things with God himself and work out the plan he has for us, we will fail and fail miserably.

My call today is that we learn to lean in and trust God because there is nothing worth doing without God. Off I go to make an omelette for my father to partake and enjoy the fruits of his labour.

She Pushed & I Became

It was so easy to walk with my head up outside yet it is down inside

It was so easy to smile at people and be weeping inside

It was so easy to dress to the nines and be naked on the inside

It was just too easy to fake it all.

I lived ‘fake it till you make it,’ so well

My young life looked glamorous because of my parents work

My adult life looked put together because that is the front I showed

It was too easy to fake it all.

It was easy to be in every project and seem to thrive

It was easy to get a kick from negotiating fees for projects

It was easy to sell a concept to a client or supplier

It was too easy to fake it all.

It all fell apart one day when the business couldn’t pay our bills

It fell apart when my largest supplier called me and pinned me down

It fell apart when we realised just how deeply we were in debt

The outcome was unreal.

We couldn’t pay the staff  their salaries

We were behind in rent and bills

Our suppliers were calling every day for pay

It was all messed up.

I remember Mercy very well because she embodied mercy

We owed her over six figures and she was following up

She wanted to know what was going on

How could I explain it without shame.

Sitting in her office, I told her the truth and she listened carefully

When she spoke her words were few and simple

‘You will pay me every single cent you owe,’

‘You will keep your word to me,’

‘You will stand up and be counted as honest and faithful,’

You will honour God with your business, walk and life.’

You see, she was the first business person I met who truly loved God

She wouldn’t let herself and those around her dishonour Him

It wasn’t an option to be known as dishonest

She would walk with me until the end

And seeing I didn’t have a plan, she provided one.

‘You will call me every Friday, no text messages allowed.’

‘You will personally tell me how much you are paying.’

‘If you have nothing to pay you will call me and tell me.’

‘Do not bring me a cheque or cash, send me a deposit slip’

‘You will not delegate this to your team but do it yourself’

‘I will stand with you in prayer.’

She didn’t budge; she wouldn’t budge

I didn’t like it but I accepted the challenge

One shilling, week, call, deposit & prayer at a time

We made progress; she and I

I worked harder and smarter, allocated something from all income

We cut back on spending and freed as much as we could.

We now had a clear plan out of the mess

All we had to do was to keep our word

I applied the same principle with other suppliers

Our relationships improved and business resumed.

She taught me to honour God

She taught me to keep my word

She taught me to be honest

She taught me to never give up

She taught me to trust the process.

She became the defender of my faith & integrity

She became one of the world’s best teachers

She became a precious friend & mentor

And when she went home to heaven,

I thanked God for her influence and His grace to teach me hard lessons

I thanked God for a new disposition that has now become my life.

Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart…

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5  (NKJV)

Let’s stop there because I am stuck at the word ALL. All means everything, the whole quantity, completely. It sounded and in some respects still sounds so crazy because it comes to me that when I love God with ALL it means I have nothing left to love another. Think about it, there is nothing left for any other even if I have family, husband and children.

Stop….take a deep breathe…wait…ok continue

There is a bigger reality that when I love Him with ALL, He becomes all I need therefore I can do with less and less from people till He is all I need. Once that is settled, He teaches me to give everyone exactly what they need from me and provides what exactly what I need from them.

Sounds insane right? That was my thought when I began processing it bite by bite

The more I thought about it, I have realised that this is the truth of a walk with Him. To walk with God is to be fully yielded and dependant on Him no matter what is happening or not happening. It means I am certain that He is working on it and working it out and I can lean in knowing that I am covered. It may be a bit hard at the beginning but when He starts dealing with me and all my emotions, thoughts, feelings and demands I learn He is reliable I can make better progress. This change of heart means that I become more like Him so that my life is grounded and balanced regardless of what is going on around.

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I am in a good place as He pushes me to deal with my insecurities because then I learn His heart, His voice, His love and then become unmovable. When stuff hits the fan, I won’t fight with people but rather will go back to the conversations and confirmations I have with Papa God, remind Him of His promises, stand on His word and ask for strength and viola…it is done. I will also remind myself that He is who He says He is and I have to trust and believe His word no matter what.

I choose to stay the course, it is worth it.

The Things I Didn’t Know About My Life

Imagine my surprise

My sister told me how much she had admired me through the years

She noticed this girl who liked to sit at the back

The one who smiled a lot and spoke to a few

The one who wore long colourful dresses,

The African outfits, the short hair, the flat shoes

The girl who was calm and unfazed

The one who never seemed to struggle

The one able to share her heart in public

The one who was walking with God

The one whose life was telling a story

She wondered how it all flowed with such ease

She wondered how I looked so well and put together

Apparently the grace of my step was eye catching

The strength of my stride purposeful

An example to follow, a life to emulate

Yet I was broken, torn apart, finished

I could barely get out of bed daily without begging God for grace

I felt invisible, unseen, unloved

I was struggling to keep the smile real

I was living in the heart of foolish rage

I was floundering in my internal walk

I was flailing in the raging waters that was my life

I was drowning in insecurity

I couldn’t see the end of my nose

There was only pain, more pain and then some

I knew the truth of my heart

I saw my actions against His word

I feared that God would smite me

I was terrified that if He judged me I would die

I knew that if I died I’d go straight to hell

But He didn’t forget me

He didn’t leave me alone

Even when it didn’t make sense

He was at work in me

I just couldn’t see it yet

God used my life to speak hope to another

He covered my heartbreak and emptiness

He told a story with me I didn’t know

He encouraged a sister as she watched me

He did His own thing with my life

I don’t understand it fully

I marvel every time I think about it

I wonder how much further we could have gone

I ponder the path I have walked

I meditate on His work and word

Am I fully aware of my place in Him?

Am I growing at the right pace?

Am I becoming intentionally?

Is He my all in all?

Could we have been further than we are?

I therefore choose to

Listen to His voice more closely

Walk with Him more intimately

Talk to Him more openly

Sit with Him totally intentionally

I now pause every day, sip my coffee and listen

He speaks deeply of love and commitment

He demonstrates vividly conversation and compassion

He teaches me intimately about communion and oneness

He alone is my desire, the longing of my heart

My love, my best friend, my heart, my healer

My redeemer, my strong tower, my  power, my song

He has indeed become my ONLY SALVATION

We Need Strength Papa…

Dear Father

Thank you for life

Thank you for the day

Thank you for the gift of life

Thank you for focus

Thank you for grace and strength

Thank you that your joy is our strength

Thank you that we can lean in and find peace


I ask that you remind your child that you love him

Remind her that she is important to You

Remind him that nothing happens outside Your purview

Confirm it to her heart that this wilderness won’t last for ever

Teach him to step close and lose himself in You

Reason with her as only you can and guide her in all truth


Let him know that You’re not a man to lie or change Your mind

Help her understand that she can lean into You and she won’t fall

Confirm to him that You are yeah and amen and walking with You yields good results


Papa, touch your daughter in her hidden spaces

There’s space in his heart that is desperate for a touch, Your touch… please touch

Wrap her in Your arms of love and warmth

Lead him in Your way everlasting full of truth and healing.


Let her know that You are who You say You are 

Let him know he can count on You

By your grace and mercy teach her Your voice, 

Comfort his spirit and renew his strength.


We love You Papa and amen to Your work in our lives. 

By Your grace and mercy we pray


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The Wilderness: My Classroom

Recently, I learnt that God only sends his children into the wilderness to shift them from one form of relationship with Him to another. The first people He took to the desert were the Israelites straight out of Egypt. Why did He take them there? Well think about it this way, they had been in Egypt for 400+ years so they were so well trained in and comfortable with the ways of the Egyptians they had adapted them as their ways. They were so embroiled in the Egyptian way of life that He had to use the wilderness to wean them of the ways they had known and train them afresh in His ways that had to be their way of life.

The other noticeable ones who went into the wilderness were Jesus and John the Baptist and those stories we know well. John went into the desert to fulfil the prophesy over his life that he was the voice crying out in the wildrness prepare the way of the Lord. In there he became accustomed to the voice of God and understood the times and season so when he came to the Jordan to baptise it was clear who he was and he was ready to minister to Jesus when he came by.

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In the case of Jesus, He went into the wilderness to encounter the might of darkness and overcome it so that we would have an example of what it means to rise above the challenges and limitations of life. He countered all the works and plans of darkness to take Him down and make room for us to rise no matter what.

The one I didn’t really realise was on the same level was David. He had grown up with many brothers and was assigned to care for the sheep. He was young when he was anointed, but irony was that his father had to be asked more than once if he had another son. Yet being forgotten by his father didn’t change him, he went back to the fields to care for the sheep. In his time with the sheep, he learnt to fight and kill his enemies that made him the best candidate for the fight with Goliath. As if that wasn’t enough, Saul attempted to murder him and he had to go on the run for almost a decade yet he never lost his faith in the word of God. He never let go of the knowledge of who he was and who God had said he would become even when he was under the authority or another person.

It got me thinking about how easily we sometimes let go of the word of God when we are in hard places and we don’t understand. When life challenges everything we know relentlessly and nothing seems to be working. It reminded me that we must develop the capacity to keep walking even when we are exhausted because we are certain that there is a good plan for us in God’s scheme of things and it will be absolutely breath-taking when it comes to pass regardless of how hard the walk has been.

Photo by Josh Sorenson on

It is true that God doesn’t go back on His word and we can trust Him to be all we need Him to be when He says something. He says we are loved and accepted. He says He knows the plan He has for us and it is for good. He says there is a method to the intensity that is our life. He says there is victory coming maybe not in the way we think but victory all the same. He says we are the apple of His eye and so are never outside His purview. I know sometimes it feels like He has forgotten us or we are hidden from His sight but we are not.

Even in the long hours of work, the loneliness, the sadness in heart, the sense of loss and the frustration we must realise that this is preparation for something. There are critical lessons the season must teach us and we must learn them quickly. Standing on God’s word that doesn’t return to Him void but accomplishes the purpose He sent it out for is the key. This word is our guarantee that the process will not break us but will position us for a great move of God.

You are so visible to Him…absolutely visible. Remember and hold onto that…you are visible to him.

Let Your Heart Weep

There is really no remedy for a broken heart other than to let it bleed

I know it sounds crazy but that is the best medicine when it hurts

Let the tears run down your cheeks until they stop

Lay your head on the shoulder of another and sigh

Vent and let out the pain pour out of your heart

Demand answers from God


The very act of emptying your soul to your Creator

Allows the hurt and pain out & unclogs the spirit

It creates room for a new plan & path

It leaves space for growth


Letting your heart to weep is important

Cleanses & purifies it

Eliminates anger and angst

Creates room for healing


If you are angry shout it out

Not to injure another or tear them apart

Not to create dissension

Only to make room for healing


I will allow you to cry & weep

I will allow you to vent & scream

I will allow you to ask questions

I will allow you to heal


Your pain is important

Your tears are like dew

Your sorrow is a path

Your healing is a balm


You will grow

You will heal

You will thrive again

It will get better


Indeed, it will get better

It will provide lessons

It will give direction

It will get better


Embrace, the ongoing process

Embrace, the journey though tough

Embrace, the lessons life is giving

Embrace, the coming joy


Yes, joy is coming sooner than you think

Joy is coming with strength you have never known

Joy is coming to light the rest of the way

Joy is coming, no matter what


Joy is coming no matter what!!!

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The Rise To Success

What many may not know is the number of times I have tried and failed. I have started and closed down four businesses and restarted one. I have tried over and over to make ends meet but not reached the places I have wanted to. I have had to ask for help from people to put food on the table and I have had to choose between that new item of clothing I needed and putting food on the table. I have been negotiating a salary and been offered so little it sounded crazy then managed to live on that amount for several months.

I have been in relationships that have appeared to thrive on the outside but on the inside they are just a mess so I walk away. I have been shunned by the community because of my choice to walk away from a relationship that everyone expected to work but wasn’t working for me. I have broken off communication with a loved one because we don’t agree only to have to apologise and restart it because I took the wrong position.

I have made major mistakes in life and each and every time had to look at the failure and find a way out. I have smiled through very trying times not because I am better than anyone else but because every day my Father reminds me that the dark hole I keep finding myself in isn’t the way my life has to be.

Photo by Markus Spiske on

It has been and still is a daily, step by step journey but I have found clarity in sitting at the feet of my Father and paying no attention to the lessons He is teaching me. From where I sit, I have learnt some big things about making it:

  • SUCCESS is becoming all God has said, believing God’s word no matter what, walking through even when it is dark and lonely understanding it is a place of learning and growing.
  • Success is a marathon, ran at my pace with moment by moment and daily application of the lessons learnt.
  • Success is daily growth deepened love, a deep sense of wonder, curiosity and love with certainty that all things are indeed possible

To fully succeed some things much come into play and be lived out fully. I must:

Fully own my life and choices: I am responsible for where I am; my life is the sum total of my choices and I can change where I will get to. Owning allows me to see the mistakes and accept I made them then learn from them and move on. It allows me to learn what to avoid and what to do; it teaches me to press on no matter what.

Forgive myself: I have made mistakes along the way that have left me ashamed and hiding. I have hidden in plain sight wanting to fade into the woodwork because of my own foolish choices that led to loss and debt I couldn’t get out of. Forgiving myself allows me to rise and break away from the bondage of fear and produces deep lasting freedom. Forgiving myself sets me free to rise into fullness.

Accept and value the process: I have to understand that the skills I need on the other side of this challenge makes the current difficulty so important that if I don’t pass through it I will be unprepared for the next level. The situations I have been through and I am in create enough drama that will cause me to be honest, grow, become compassionate, deepen my relationships and know myself better.

Since success is on the other side of challenge, I press on no matter who or what. See you on the other side…the successful side.

I am shifting

I have held out for your attention for so long
I hoped you would see me as more than one of the crowd
I longed to be the you picked
I wanted to be the one who made you happy
Yet I never was that to you

I let life pass me by waiting for you
I lost opportunities watching the door
I missed the bus looking for your car
I fell off the ladder cranning my neck
Yet it wouldn’t be

I didn’t tell you at first how I felt
I thought the depth was obvious to you
It didn’t sink in how important you were
I finally spoke but it was too late
The time had passed

I had to look together so I settled
I had to move on so I picked a person
I had to belong so I started a family
I had to deal so I walked on in life
Yet I never was

I am looking at my life honestly now
I can see the places I should have stayed
I know the choices I should have made
I hear the voice I should have listened to

I know who I should have chosen
I grasp how I could have risen
I see what I needed to understand
I am certain I made this mess
This one is on me

I wasn’t ready to let you go
I wasn’t ready to walk away
I wasn’t planning for it now
I haven’t given you warning
I just know it is time

It is time
Even as my heart is broken
Even if my mind says no
Even though tears are falling
Even as my soul feels empty

So today…
I draw a line in the sand
I get off the path
I step away from the ladder
I get out of the car and off the train
Life is shifting

I send you my goodbye in the atmosphere
I take my heart back from you
I close my mind to thoughts of you
I cover the hurts of separation
Life is shifting

When my heart is lonely, I will thank God I know how to love
When my arms are empty, I will thank God they once reached out
When my mind wanders to you, I will thank God you taught me so much
When I feel like I can’t go on, I will remind my soul it is well.

I find strength in the knowledge that it’s process
I find peace in the certainty of a future
I find balance in the arms of my Father
I find joy in the strength of my God
I am shifting