Monthly Archives: June 2019

I Am Broken

It’s funny how we touch each other but it means nothing
We hug strangers because others do
We share air kisses to look cool
We shake hands because we’ve been told its polite
We never ask why.
The culture I was born into didn’t shake hands
The women kneel in ‘respect’ and deference to the men
The men take care of their women
The families look happy on the whole
We never ask why.
So today I boldly ask why…
Why do you hug people you don’t even know?
Why do I conform to the hugging even though I hate it?
Why do I shake hands even though I am wondering about your hygiene habits?
Why is it so important to conform?
Why do we bundle all hugs into two seconds…
Yet science tells us that twenty seconds is the best?
Why do we turn a hug into a sexual thing yet is has healing power when left neutral?
Why do you judge me when I hold onto my brother’s embrace yet you know nothing about us?
Why do you feel bad when I don’t hug you just because I hugged someone next to you?
Let me be real and say, you have to earn and understand my hugs
Hugs come in differing intensity depending on who you are to me
Hugs have meaning but you need to be clued into me to interpret them right
Hugs are conversations, prayers, healing and greetings depending on who you are
Hugs are a window to my inner man
The interpretation isn’t in the duration or the fact that you get it
The interpretation is in the Spirit of God at work in each one
Decode by what God says to you before, during and after
Understand the season and the times.
If I hug you don’t celebrate
If I don’t hug you don’t weep
If I shake your hand don’t misunderstand
If I don’t shake your hand it may mean nothing
If I talk to you don’t feel special
If I don’t talk to you don’t put yourself down
If I light up when I see you ask God why
If my face doesn’t change the I see you again ask God

I’m difficult to understand (even for myself) but very simple
I am the craziest girl and the most sober
I am driven but seem totally lazy
I love with total abandon yet seem disconnected.
When you don’t understand me then you know me because maybe everything you knew before was a sham
That was likely me confirming to the patterns of culture and expectation
That was me blending in and dumbing down
That was me being the good girl.
The ‘good’ girl is gone
The politically correct one died
The naive shy one left the building
Behold I arise
Unafraid, unashamed, unhinged,
No holds barred, no excuses, no limitations
Grounded, anchored and strengthened in God
Seemingly crazy but deadly sober
Gifted but totally focused and committed to her assignment.
Expect me to say no to things that don’t hold say to me
Rest assured I will not waste time
Understand the pew of my life is determined by purpose
Remember I am rising as and raising King’s and Priests
#NoExcuses #NoLimitations

Handpicked & Assigned

My Precious One,

Your assignment does not always match your apparent human capability. I have a tendency to handpick people and assign them to roles and mandates that:

1. They don’t look like

2. They are not humanly qualified for by worldly standards

Case 1: Moses.

I called a stammerer and sent him to speak for Me in the nation from which he had fled after killing a man and burying him himself.

Case 2: My disciples

I handpicked men, among them fishermen, uneducated men and even despised tax collectors to be the founders of the Church!

Case 3: Mothers who birthed great men

I found it pleasing to choose barren, past child-bearing age women and a young virgin to bring prophets and even The Saviour of the world to birth.

When you come near and listen to My Heartbeat, some things you will hear as being the reason why I created you will not make any sense.

If you are led by your soul and body, you will be content to living within what ‘looks like you,’ looks possible, makes sense to you and/other people, what you see yourself capable of and are already operating within.

But My plans for you exceed your GREATEST imaginations! Get out of your comfort zone!

Your Daddy, The Giver of Time and Chance, God.

By Grace Favour


Where are you in your walk and do you even realise how well God has planned your life? Everything you find yourself in is to make you a better person. Everything is designed to ensure you walk in the fullness of who HE says you are and change the corner of the world He has placed you in.

Every time you wonder if you can make it or are scared of the future or are not sure how to proceed remember you are in the right place and on task and the only thing that can get you off the task is Him who put you on or yourself.

Photo by Plush Design Studio on

No matter where you are from or what you are going through, remember God is at the centre of it all

He dreamt about you

He created you

He loves you

He leads and guides you

He knows your end from the beginning

He is in all, with all and through all

Hold on Him and the word HE spoke over and about you and it will be well.

I’m Out, Gone… Bye

I cannot love you
Unless I love myself
I cannot be with you
Unless I can be myself
I cannot believe in us
Unless I believe in myself
I said we were fine
But I lied
I said I would be well
But I lied
I said we were the best for each other
But I lied
I said we’d work it out
But I lied
I lied because I didn’t want to be alone
I lied because I had put too much into this
I lied because I was ashamed of me & my choices
I lied because I thought it’s what you wanted to hear
We’ve been together so long it looks real
We’ve found a rhythm that’s convincing to get others
We’ve created a life that looks like it’s thriving
We look like a strong, stable unit but it’s a lie
We know it’s a sham
We know it’s stark and empty
We know it’s never been satisfying
We know one day it will fail
We don’t talk about it so it remains true
But every day a little more of us dies
Every day the distance grows
Every day the silence deepens
We used to text and chat a lot
Now I’m lucky if it’s three texts in a year
I could defend your every move
Only to find you didn’t know mine
How can we be friends yet we’re not honest with each other?
How can we be one yet we don’t even speak the same language?
How can we support each other without respect for the other’s dreams?
How are we anything outside when inside we are nothing?
I don’t feel this anymore
I don’t understand us anymore
I can’t defend it anymore
I won’t pretend anymore
I’m out, gone, bye

#NoExcuses #NoLimitations #shifting


Today I need You to hold my hand
Today I need You to hug me close
Today the sun seemed to dim
Today the clouds were very dark

Today You took Your daughter
Today You uncovered my madness
Today You showed me the foolishness
Today You broke my heart

Today the shipment was delayed
Today the account was emptied
Today the order was cancelled
Today it all seemed to go south

Today the tears flowed freely
Today my hopes crashed and burned
Today the wheels lost traction
Today it all unravelled

Today You promised healing
Today You promised answers
Today You called me to trust You
Today You said it would be well

I must admit I don’t understand
I must confess I’m kinda mad
I will say I am tired
I accept I was losing hope

I hold on because I have no other
I seek You because You are my peace
I let the tears flow because You say it’s ok
I come to the throne as you promised healing


#NoExcuses #NoLimitations #Shifting

Reflections of Fatherhood


Wow…that word strikes a chord in my heart. I am looking around at all the young men around me and I swallow the tears on the inside. My heart weeps because I don’t know how we will recover the generation of young men who have been raised without a solid male role model. I also cry when the girls around me are imbalanced because of the absence of the same solid male role model. There’s no shortage of female role models showing the girls how to do it and challenge the boys but there are serious gaps.

Fatherhood is more than the ability to make a girl pregnant though we so often make it just that. Fatherhood is so much more than that. Many of us have our biological fathers alive and well and we love them but their lives haven’t added very much to our own lives. Others have the most amazing and engaged fathers while others have none at all, yet we all need the presence and love of our fathers.

My position is that a father doesn’t have to be biological to help someone become all they can be. I believe a father needs to look after their child either birth or taken in and see who they can be and then do all they can to help the ‘child’ reach there. Over the years I have seen the importance of a demanding father who will settle for nothing less than my best. In some of my most unsettled moments, my Daddy stepped in and would not relent until I was on the right track. I must admit that he has been tough on me when I was slacking off and spinning my wheels. He has also been the smile, word of advise or hope and hug to remind me that he loves me unconditionally.

Photo by Silvia Trigo on

In the hardest times when I shared all the foolishness I had been up to that was holding me back, I learnt what unconditional love really meant. He dealt ruthlessly with the foolishness but gently prayed for me to get back and remain on the path. He was careful to remind me that only God can lead and guide me to remain true and I must lean in.

I have learnt that a father is a friend, confidant, disciplinarian, priest, prophet, mentor, and guide. He is no holds barred, honest, true and passionate. He is the vision builder extraordinaire, work ethic trainer, focus driver, greatest example and just a man. He sets the pace for how his son’s and daughter’s function in the world, relate to work, interpret the world. He is a strong hand, a still voice of correction, a smile of compassion, a soft apology, love personified, grace to rise and strength to never give up.

A father is about loving & raising strong balanced children, living by example; real conversations about real issues. He deals with each child individually with the right pressure, exposure, conversation, dreaming…pushing. He is unashamed of his faults because he understands that failure discussed and assessed produces greater growth. He knows that his children stand on his shoulders and they need a full understanding of life.

He is just a man, led by God and raising the needed champions to change the world

Thank you to all the fathers working hard to raise their children. To all these men; I celebrate you.

Above all, I celebrate my father because he has re-written my understanding of fatherhood and raised me to be a better version of myself.

I Couldn’t Take My Eyes Off Her

I saw her as soon as I walked in

Cute, carefree, smiling

Standing on the sidelines

But clearly in command

And I couldn’t take my eyes off her


When I looked around the room

I wasn’t the only one watching

Others looked her way every time she laughed

All trying to do it casually

I couldn’t take my eyes off her


She was clearly out of my reach

More refined than I could ever be

Well spoken, well read, well dressed

Likely more exposed than me

I couldn’t take my eyes off her


Then she turned and smiled at me

I turned and looked around just to be sure

She laughed and rolled her eyes

Then headed straight to me

I couldn’t take my eyes off her


‘Good evening’ she said

‘Welcome to the party

And don’t look so shocked

We have been waiting for you to arrive’

I couldn’t speak; I was shocked


How did she know who I was?

Why was she expecting me?

What was the catch?

Who set me up

I couldn’t speak; I was shocked


She laughed at the look on my face

Turned back to the bar and nodded

A server drink in hand walked towards us

And came to stand in front of me

I couldn’t speak; I was shocked


A sip of the drink and I was stunned

Just what I was thinking of ordering

Who was this woman & how did she know me well

What had I stepped into?

Would I regret this moment?


The music changed, the lights dipped

A follow spot appeared to be searching the room

The crowd went silent, they followed the light

And I followed it too around the room

Until it rested on me


I turned to her standing in the light with me

A million questions rushing through my mind

She smiled at me and said aloud

“Good evening sir, happy 40th birthday

We hope you have a blast.”

#TellOurStories #NoExcuses #NoLimitations

Then It Was Gone

One day it was fun and the next it wasn’t

One day I loved my work and the next I didn’t

One day we were close and the next we weren’t

One day I was happy and the next I wasn’t

Ok, so let’s be real and say that isn’t true

We all know that we lose interest in things over time

Times and seasons change and we don’t keep track

Then one day it no longer makes sense

So to be honest it took time to change

Three years to lose interest in my work

Four years to lose that deep connection

Eight years to completely lose the joy

It took repeated losses and struggles to give up

Regular arguments and avoidance to lose touch

Immeasurable disappointment to see you didn’t care

Intense sadness and struggle to lose my joy

It took inexplicable loneliness for the tears to fall

Indescribable sadness to accept you were gone

Great losses and down time to shut the business

Untold shame to give up totally

Photo by Joshua Albanese on

Yet He wouldn’t let me stay down

He wouldn’t let me wallow too long

He wouldn’t move on without me

He stopped the world to get me up

He sat beside me as I called Him names

He sent His children to wipe my tears

He dragged me along when I refused to walk

He breathed on me so I could sing

I kicked Him more times than I could say

I called Him names I wouldn’t call another soul

I screamed at Him for being fake

Yet He wouldn’t smite me even when provoked

Why would You care for a girl like me?

Why bother to lift me up?

Why forgive the madness I had done?

Why stand beside me till I got up?

What do you know about my life?

What do you have planned for me to become?

What must I do for You in this life?

What does Your mind have in store for me?

Will You show me the full picture?

Will You tell me the full story?

Will You open the doors in advance?

Will You push until it’s done?

I cannot do this without you Papa

I am but a child in this walk together

So come alongside and show the way

If I will every become all You see in me

#NoExcuses #NoLimitations #TellOurStories #Shifting

Six Foot & Still

I saw him from the bus window

He arrived just before the bus left

Dropped off by a beautiful woman

And he had love in his eyes as he looked at her


He was about six feet tall, dark chocolate complexion,

Something in him took  him beyond handsome

He wasn’t feminine in any way

But there was a softness about his appearance


He walked right to my seat…mmmh my seatmate

Oh my goodness, I hope he wasn’t a talkative one

He had a gentle smile and said hi

Then put his small bag on the over head rack


He settled in, put on his sweater, mitts and marvin

In went the ear phones and chosen play list

Crossed his hands, closed his eyes

And promptly became still, probably asleep


Eyes, closed, ding dong, lights out…just like that

How is that even fair?

How can someone sleep so easily?

The journey was long and he was asleep in minutes


Two hours and many kilometres later, I was still awake

My seatmate was still asleep as still as a log

Shoulders straight, head square and steady

It was as if he was in his own bed…he didn’t twitch


Photo by it’s me neosiam on

How can someone settle so deeply?

How did one still their body so completely?

How could someone be so comfortable in any place?

This was beyond me.


Am I that at home in my own skin?

Am I able to settle in and be me anywhere?

Am I solid and unmovable in my place?

Can I be completely still and rest?


There is so much to learn before I get there.

There is a lot of unpacking and decoding.

But there is a place of peace I am pursuing

A place of deep connection in my spirit


There is place within me that only God can reach

Once He gets it fully, I will be still

So I open the door for Him daily

Desperately longing for the stillness


There is a place within that is healing daily

Every breath is getting me closer

Every day is a new opportunity

Every thought is a step higher


There is a place that is getting stronger

My smile is coming from deeper within

From a healing heart and spirit

From a more stable human


I am better than I have ever been

I am getting better every day

I know the journey is still long

Yet I will walk it to the end

He Gets It

I get it… and I’ve cried many tears because of it.

It’s hard when we are living in that space where our head knows God can do anything but our heart is heavy because He’s not doing what we are hoping for… what we’ve prayed for… what we’ve believed for, for a long while.

Three Helps for This Hurt

~ Lysa TerKeurst ~

  1. God often works in the unseen. Just because we can’t see it or feel it doesn’t mean He’s doing nothing.
  2. Is there something God has been prompting you to do that you’ve been resisting or delaying? Ask for the grace and courage to take that step today. The one who obeys God’s instruction today will be able to more clearly discern His direction for tomorrow.
  3. Don’t take what feels like a lack of intervention as a sign of His lack of affection. Look for ways today, God is showing you assurances of His love. His deep affection is all around you friend ❤


Photo by Pixabay on

This season of growth has been intense and sometimes downright upsetting until I found out that I needed to change my mind about the situation. Let me explain.

So God has given me a certain assurance that my path is a certain one but the current circumstances don’t look like there is progress. I don’t always know what to think or how to think about things so I began asking God to clarify. Why didn’t I ever realise that He actually answers prayers? Ha! I had preconceived ideas of how He should work and it was according to how my limited mind works.

We were conditioned into thinking that God is only present when things are going the way we want them. So when things aren’t working it looks like He has gone and is looking the other way but there is nothing further from the truth than that.

I think about David after Nathan had come and chastised him for his relationship with Bathsheba. He fasted, prayed and cried to God for the life of his son for seven days then the child died. When the child died, he got up showered and ate to the astonishment of his people. His answer to them was ‘…now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.’ 2 Sam 12:23.

I know it sounds flippant but it isn’t. It is an expression of faith and a renewed mind that he could not alter the mind of God.

2019 has presented many instances where I have questioned the plan of God because it hasn’t made sense but I am aware that I was looking at things from my perspective and not God’s and that was the difference. This weekend He allowed me to begin to see that His ways even though inexplicable and seemingly impossible always bring good.

When someone who loves and serves Him dies, they go to Him, what is so bad about that? When someone who has been sick for a while rests in Him, they are out of pain and healed for ever, what is so bad about that? When I lose a house but still have health and breathe and I can regain what I had, what is so bad about that? When I have to get on a matatu to get everywhere, what is so bad about that? When I lose the business that I worked so hard to build but still have the contacts and energy to regroup, what is so bad about that?

When someone you think loves you walks away from you in your time of need as if you are well, what is so bad about that? When you love with all you have and know-how and it goes south or you pray for that baby with all you have and it doesn’t happen or you pray for the baby and they come but your partner walks away and disengages or you lose your pillar and friend in the middle of the biggest crisis? He will always ask me, what is so bad about that?

I am not being flippant but I have been through so much and every time without fail He has asked me what is so bad about that and I couldn’t see it. It took so long to understand until one day He had mercy on me and began to break things down. When He began showing me who I need to become and how I need to grow then I could see how the path I was on was the way to the finish line.

Do I understand it? Not always but I understand that this path is the reason I am alive. My goal is to become everything He says I am and to shift the world for Him. If a few challenges are in the way then so be it. Saying so be it, shifts how my mind works and accepts the realities around me.

He sees, He feels, He knows, so I can trust Him with my life.