Monthly Archives: May 2021

You will make it


As she sat there she felt the break

She saw it suddenly

She had been waiting, hoping dreaming

====================

Waiting for approval

Hoping for acceptance

Dreaming of a new break

===================

Looking the wrong direction

Glancing in tiny blinks

Dreaming of a new break

===================

That was the last day

No more wondering

No more waiting

===================

She saw where she left the path

She saw how far she had gone

She saw the way to walk back

===================

Acknowledging the state of her heart

Accepting the need of her soul

Understanding the depth of it all

===================

No more wallowing

No more aimless hoping

No more walking in circles

===================

No more emptiness

 No more isolation

No more mark timing

===================

Walking on needs connections

Moving forward needs companions

Changing the scenery needs focus

===================

Deep roots must be grown

Stability will be found

Growth is not an option

===================

Now she will invest in her growth

She will walk away from stagnation

She will work at her life

===================

Work at your life honey

Focus on your growth

Connect with the right people

===================

Never look back no matter what

Do not hold back from your assigned partners

Be sure you are walking a few steps daily

===================

Your season demands more

Your future requires growth

Your destiny is still secure

===================

Hold on honey, you will make it

Trust the process you are on

Keep going straight and strong

===================

Finding Peace in the Pressure


We live in a day when the pressure for instant responses is so high that it drives some of us mad and others off social platforms. It also drives deep issues that we will never be able to get away from and the addiction to screens and phones.

The last few weeks have taught me that indeed opportunities can be lost if they are time bound however a thoughtful or well thought out answer is better and if you cannot do that in your current state, do not attempt to.

The assault from all the social stimuli can either be overwhelming or lifechanging depending on how you look at it. I could either keep working on every message that comes immediately it comes or I could take time to process yet too often people want instant responses.

I remember when I turned off the blue tick and last seen options on Whatsapp as well as stopped responding on demand, I got many complaints from people. The young people I was leading begun complaining. It was weird because the group was previously quiet of youthful comments and lots of the leader’s comments. I began responding when I could and if it was in a group and someone else can answer, I stopped being the one on the line. I even left groups when they did not meet the said objective caused alarm in some of my circles.

Why did I do this?

I needed to add margin in my life and protect my mental health. As I wondered what to do, I found myself listening carefully to conversations around me about the same keenly and learnt a lot. As if on cue, information found me that transformed how I responded. I learnt something big from two of my life examples about responding to messages and requests.

One said, “I will never respond until I have clarity on what you need to hear, I have something to say and I will never hold back the truth from you.”

The other said, “Never feel the pressure to respond to messages immediately, respond when you have time and you know the right thing to say. Just remember to respond within 24 hours.”

It takes a lot of the weight of life off your shoulders when you realise that best time to communicate is when you are at your best. Your communication includes your words, tone, thoughts and attitude which all come out clearly every time we write or speak. Be sure to watch over your communication every day and it is better to be silent when you aren’t sure how it will come out.

This realization has really helped me as I find many more things on my plate.

I stop and check myself before any conversation and ask myself:

  • What is this person asking?
  • What state am I in?
  • Do I have the time to focus and answer effective now?

Why do I ask these questions? Simple…they determine the quality of the answer and engagement we will have. What happens if I cannot answer positively? I don’t answer right then, If I need to read, I do. If I need to rest, I do. If I need to consult, I do. If I need to draft and re-read, I do. Whatever needs to be done to ensure clear communication has to be done.

Let’s be deliberate about our health and communication.

He Is Watching: He Hears


A few years ago, were at the tail end of a series the preacher came to me for a review, I said

I was not there for most of the series.

Why? he asked.

I am looking for something deeper and a greater connection to God and it is not here,

You missed the whole series?

Most of it,

Why?

I was out visiting another congregation

Why?

Like I said, I want more and a deeper connection to God

You know, when people say they want more of God, that is when they get into cults.

What do you mean?

That is how you will get lost and never come back to faith.

Do you mean that we should just settle for whatever is served?

No! I am saying that when people are dissatisfied it is room for the devil to come and deceive you.

What happens when my heart tells me there is more to find out about God?

You manage it, and remain in the safe congregation you have found.

Like this one?

Yes! Like this one.

I laughed because I knew I could no longer remain in this place.

I could not be in a place that encouraged me to be complacent about my walk with God. To deny the calling of God and depth he is calling me to so that I keep the status quo and dumb down to the standards of those who didn’t see what I could. How could I stay there when my desire to know God deeper was being ridiculed by a key leader? Why stay? Would I grow or stagnate if I stayed? I would definitely stagnate and I am not willing to do so.

I remained connected with my congregations and took it upon myself to submit to the teach of different servants of God who knew that the measure of their congregation was a people who sought God more and beyond them, They encouraged the congregation to tbe deeper integrated to God and always seeking to understand the height, the length, the depth and the breadth of his love, compassion and will.

You guessed right…I moved on.

I was reminded of this scripture…” 12 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. 13 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you [c]ask anything in My name, I will do it.” John !4:12-14

Surely if I am ordained to be greater than Christ there is room for more. There is room for more prayer, meditation, study of the word, discussion, communion, dealing, refusal to let go of the word no matter what or how bleak life is. He says that if I ask for anything in His name He would give it so surely wouldn’t he give me more of himself if I asked for that?

There was so much more I needed to learn.

Scripture is clear that:

  • God is husband to the widow, father to the fatherless, friend to the friendless.
  • God is the first and last, the Alpha and Omega.
  • God is all knowing and provides all.
  • God is the one we can lean on in every circumstance.
  • He is all knowing, all reliable and never forgets.
  • He loves us like a mother loves her son, who she cannot forget.

Why on earth would I deny His power to teach me and grown me with or without external interference. I think of David who could see God in all he die and heard. I think of Daniel, the three Hebrew boys, Tabitha, Priscilla and Aquilla who were working to build their fortune and use the resources raised for the work of God. This caught me because many times when we do know there is more on the table being served from God’s table there is resolution and accountability, and we will grow to the fullest we can be.

Do not let another steal God’s plan for your life with the need to be logical, cut and dry. God is beyond logic, reason, and fear. He is the master provider, comforter, friend, connector, etc. he is the one who watches over us and keeps us on track.

Rest assured, He is watching and your desire for more has been heard.

Photo by Matilda Wormwood on Pexels.com

I long


I long for community

I long for accountability

I long for connection

 ===========

I long for hugs

I long for kisses

I long for cuddles

 ===========

I long for conversation

I long for laughter

I long for smiles

 ===========

I long for fair fights

I long for honest arguments

I long for just relations

 ===========

It feels like no one loves me

It feels like no one cares

It feels like I am unimportant

 ===========

I long so deeply

I don’t know what to do

I don’t know how to change

===========

Am I Important: Do Others Think of Me?


I have a friend who has been trying to get to know me, but I’m scared and have held back, she said

Why?

I do not know.

Yes, you do,

No, I don’t

Yes, you do.

How are you so sure?

If we all allow ourselves to look deeply, we always see our truth but our minds avoid it because we’re scared we’ll see something we don’t like.

But I like my life as it is.

Really?

Sure.

What do you like about it?

I am alive, I have work, I have people around me, I can meet my needs.

What about deeper things?

Like what?

Do you believe that people can care for you just because they care?

As in, interested in me because of me?

Yes!

Never!

Why?

People always want something. No one is around you just because they want to be around you. They want something in return…information, money, status, contacts, insight, whatever else they could want but never just because!

========

I have had this conversation often with different people and it always ends with a long soliloquy of how “many are like that and I could demonstrate it well.” However, recently this personal question in the silence of my heart triggered deep reflection on the truth of who I am.

When you have always been available, reachable and open to taking up assignments for people, it is easy to be taken like furniture…always there and steady. We never wonder if the chair, bed, stool or even the stairs will take our weight. We just sit on, lie down, toss and turn, or climb up the piece without thought of breaking.

Then one day it all shatters.

One day you are either unable or unwilling to continue in that way of life and others look at you in shock. You say no and they look, sound and act confused. You don’t show up and they call more upset that you foiled their plans and comfort than concerned about why you didn’t go.

They sit in meetings and conversations, decide on courses of action, assign you a role outside you scope of knowledge and say she or he will figure it out. You ask for something and two minutes later it’s forgotten and when you ask, a shrug is the explanation followed by a promise to do better next time as if you don’t need that thing now.

In time you lose faith that anyone will prioritise you, for you.

It is entirely possible that how people see us is different from our own perspective. A dear friend has always asked if I slept well and I always assumed it was those usual questions until he changed the question to, how many hours did you sleep or did you feel fresh when you woke up, of are you rested or is you system working at full throttle?

“What is it to you?” I asked. “Why are you bothered?”

His response blew my mind…”Because I care.”

“What? Why do you care? How does it help you?”

He was silent for a long moment then asked, “do I need a reason to care for you?”

My honest answer, said in my mind, “Yes!” My verbal answer, “I don’t know!”

Am I important enough that others think of me?

It has been a learning curve that whether I believe it or not, there are people who love or care for me just because! These special people do not need a reason to, neither will they be running for the hills when I hit a roadblock or lay down in the road crying. Neither will they take off with the goodies when I hit the jackpot.

These are my people, they love me and I love them so no more holding my breath when they are around. I will breath easy and rest in the knowledge that Divine design has me covered and connected to the people who will ensure that my life is on track to the praise of His glorious name.

Original image by Kyesubire

Love…A Superpower


Many times when we see or read the word LOVE we think of that one person we want to spend our lives with.

We think of romantic love, the kind that ends in life long home building. We think of physical attraction and sex.

I learnt the hard way that is a very limited view.

Love is acceptance, choices, work, correction, connection, compassion, discipline, forgiveness, hope, truth, conversation, joy, strength, belief and so much more, is STABILISING.

Love is friendship, built over time, tested in the fire, peppered with pain and healing, painted in bold and brilliant colours, supported by soft tones and rich depth, is DETERMINED.

Love challenges the status quo, grows deep stable roots, builds strong foundations and walls, never stops growing, is FOUNDATIONAL.

Love speaks to the Spirit, links hearts in silence, creates understanding, joins hearts and minds, holds hope close, hears the cry of the heart, sees the hidden tears, understands without spoken words, is ILLIMITABLE.

Love transforms strangers to acquaintances, acquaintances to friends, friends to family, family to confidants and pillars, is A PROCESS.

Love recognises when things are not working, seeks out conversation, works to improve and correct, is devoted to true healing and reconciliation, is UNRELENTING

Love changes us irreversibly, strengthens, fuels our hopes, drives our dreams, lights the path, inspires, instigates, enables, GROWS DAILY.

Love is LIFE…

============
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:13 NKJV

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV

Seeking Strong Foundations & Quality Builders


I am thinking about our commitment to specific fellowships, churches, communities etc. yes, it is important to be part of them but who is our allegiance to? I have always had a challenge when people fight over how one congregation does something that is different from them, yet it is a matter of no major consequence.

Growing up, I was raised in a hip urban church that had the hottest youth program and best music. We had the latest gospel musicians in our midst, and we were used to choreography in our concerts and all sorts on instruments. One day, we accompanied my grandparents to their Sunday service, and I had the shock of my life. The only instruments were the Afrikan drum, tambourine, and vocals. The choir wore long robes and only swayed a little as they sang and none clapped or danced as I was used to. My young mind rejected this experience as too backward for me and I dismissed that who denomination because of that. how could they say they were serving God and be so rigid? I totally judged them.

Fast forward ten years and the tables turned. I was part of a different urban church that was affiliated with a local denomination and now we were judged to be too liberal. We had a full band, concerts galore, Friday night fellowship, loud music, and no Kiswahili service. We really had a blast, yet some of the other congregations regarded us as too edgy and lost.

The truth is; it is two different expressions of the same Father based on our world view.

What strikes me as interesting today, is the reality that we align with doctrines, denominations, specific congregations and judge those who are different from us. It happened in the 70s, 80s and 90s, and is till happening today. We call each other ‘out’ for doing things that are inconsequential to the realities of our faith. I have heard some call calmer more sedate congregations backward of other call the more vibrant and engaged congregations lost. Why do we judge each other so? We judge wat we do not understand and call it heathen.

The other thing that bothers me is how we follow individuals. I was thinking about how some independent congregations have died when the lead minister dies or have fallen apart when a key leader loses their way, has a crisis of faith, or something significant changes. We are anchored around the key people so when they go down, we go down.

Many are also anchored around the teaching that when you walk with God life is great, easy, flowing etc. which isn’t all true so when trouble finds them, their faith fails completely. Why is this?

Hebrews 12: 18-24 speaks clearly to me…

18 For you have not come [g]to the mountain that may be touched and that burned with fire, and to blackness and [h]darkness and tempest, 19 and the sound of a trumpet and the voice of words, so that those who heard it begged that the word should not be spoken to them anymore. 20 (For they could not endure what was commanded: “And if so much as a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned [i]or shot with an arrow.” 21 And so terrifying was the sight that Moses said, “I am exceedingly afraid and trembling.”)

22 But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, to an innumerable company of angels, 23 to the [j]general assembly and church of the firstborn who are registered in heaven, to God the Judge of all, to the spirits of just men made perfect, 24 to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling that speaks better things than that of Abel.

Salvation has never been about preachers, pastors, easy lives, only good rather it is all about the transformative power of God to change us as individuals to such a degree that men will be drawn by our walk to this God…the Judge and Christ the mediator. It was never about who was better that the other or who has the hotter program or raises the most money to build the biggest, most up to date meeting venue. It is not about who drives the latest car, lives in the plushest neighbourhood, has the largest church or raises the largest offering.

Rather it is about whose lives were so radically transformed that we cannot dispute the work of God in them.

Do not wait for me at the door of a particular congregation because I go where my Father says even if it is just to sit alone with Him or with one other of His children. I am so tired of the expectation that I am aligned to only one congregation or group of people. My devotion is my Father who by His grace and mercy daily restores me to Himself and forgives me of my madness. My devotion is to He who can destroy both my body and spirit. My devotion is to Him who chose to lay His life for me that I may have the ability to represent Him fully here and then live with Him in eternity.

Look for me where people are honest, are seeking him, speak the truth no matter how hard, are growing and challenging patterns that do not make room for God. Look for me in places that challenge the status quo, have the difficult conversations, keep walking in the valley of the shadow of death, hold tighter to God when things seem hard and hold even tighter when things improve.

I am seeking a city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God. I am seeking to live out the reality of His kingdom come, His will be done on earth at it is heaven. I am seeking to be a full expression of brokenness and loss, translated into grace and strength for heaven.

How about you?

Photo by Enric Cruz Lu00f3pez on Pexels.com