What do you do when you realise you should have done something different?
Sometimes, we find ourselves on the receiving end of unexpected circumstances. It could be starting a job and realising that your boss is actually toxic, yet he came across as very likeable. It could be finding out that your partner hid her true colours just to get married to you then unleash levels of madness you never saw coming. It could be waiting for a child for years and losing them just before or during birth. It could be working and expecting a good grade then failing all together.
All these happen daily and are not strange, but they often catch us blind and stand us in places we did not expect. Could it be that we must live expectant of good and be ready to scale the barriers created by life and the lemons thrown our way? Could it be that we are meant to find alternative routes when the road is jammed, and we have a timeline to get to a set location? It could.
None of us are immune.
I was part of a shoot recently and though I knew my content well, I was not ready with my slides and script. I needed help finalising some of my content but there was no time to do that in the midst of our schedule and team activities. I went into a corner to practise and as long as I was looking at the script, I was fine but as soon as I looked at the slides…it all evaporated and did not make sense. How could I make sense of the matter?
I could not wrap my mind around how unprepared I felt yet I had done my best. We kept starting and stopping because things did not sound as good as the director wanted them to and every stop took me further and further off track and I began spiralling down a dark hole. If you have ever been an over achiever or high result person, the inability to do what you know you can do and what everyone expects from you is not only daunting, it is heart-breaking.
It did not help that this shoot on was on the back of a trying week.
The time factor added pressure to my state of mind because evening was fast approaching and others still needed to stand in front of the camera after me. I often do shoots in one take. I usually know my content, speak fluently and smoothly and I am confident. But alas!!! Today is saying something totally different.
Halfway through the shoot, I realised that I should have done many things different but the one I could change immediately was the state of my heart and mind. So, I walked away to have a private meeting with myself and find harmony.
Only I know how to recalibrate myself, same to you.