The Simple Life

If You Ever Needed To Be Ready…


Life has to be about more than sitting on the side-lines.

Remember when I said that life currently feels like I am sitting on the side-lines waiting for something to happen? Remember the level of frustration that has caused? Well, a few things have changed since…thank God. I have understood that this is a time to learn, train and improve my sight until I am ready to be deployed in the field. Deployed you ask? Yes deployed, for I am a soldier in the army of God.

My favourite questions in life, who are you and what are you hear for, have been repeated so much this weekend that I have been asking them with a new intensity and to everyone I speak to. Understanding and answering them properly gives me the right premise for life and deep effectiveness that gets me past greed and selfishness.

It became very clear to me that the world has a space that is shaped exactly like me and if I don’t rise and fill it I will not be everything God determined for my days. If I am too small, I am not effective. If I am too big, I am not effective. If my shape is lopsided, I am not effective. I have to be just the right size, in the right place and it has to be just the right time for it all to work out well.

That is what I am working towards today.

John 4 tells the story of the Samaritan woman. I know you know the story and yes, I reference it a lot. We always focus on her choices, lifestyle and how she had so many men that we miss other pertinent points. Do you think it was a mistake that she was born Samaritan in a town that no Jew would go into willing? Was it a mistake that after years of loss and bad behaviour the Saviour would walk to her town, say he was hungry, send his boys to buy food and plant himself by the well at noon? Was it a fluke that she walked out when he was alone and he spoke to her about many things?

You don’t have to answer.

Again, wasn’t it odd that she was so well versed in her knowledge of the religious views of both the Jews and the Samaritans? Why was she so confident to have this kind of conversation with a strange Jewish man? Where was her confidence from? Why was so secure in chatting? How did she become such a strong personality and so eloquent? Interesting questions the show the true mastery of God and Creation.

God knew that the people of Samaria needed what His son carried and so He (God) set it up for this beautiful, very flawed woman to be there to meet him. Wait…what? You don’t think she was beautiful? Well, what attracted the men to her? It is likely that the very thing that drew them in was the thing that sent them running for the hills…a deep dark beauty? That is what I think about…she had to have something attractive about her.

As a key part of the plan, this woman was earmarked, selected and allowed to live a life that would cause her to be in place to meet Christ and change her community in a blink. One conversation, one water pot, one request, one mind shift, one touch of the love of God and BOOM!!!! Samaria was different and the very people who despised, cast away and helped her destroy her life were following her back to Saviour.

She definitely wasn’t a mistake.

Her life positioned her to be the right voice, messenger, and emissary to share the transforming love of God. Her town was changed because when the time came she was trained and in place even as she didn’t know she was. Can you imagine how the first conversation with people was? Can you see the shock on their faces as they listened and wondered who she had met? Then she mentions a man who told her everything she had done and she was excited telling them, it was important to go meet him.

It always had to be a man who changed her life.

Yet this time, there was something different. It wasn’t the look of sexual, financial or social satisfaction. She was sated in a way they had never seen and they had to meet the guy who did this for her. They could see the difference and even as she didn’t know what tools she had in her tool kit. She wasn’t totally aware of everything she was but that didn’t stop her from radiating it to the world around her.

What about you?

The current state of world affairs has many people stranded because there’s no production coming out of China, the airline industry globally has taken a hit, tourism is down, countries and communities are on lock down, the stock for many small businesses is stopped because of no production in China and some countries do not have sources of food. There are major spaces in the global community opening up for new sets of players…do you know what is available in your field?

Look at Israel, the world is waiting with baited breath for her to provide an antidote. It was reported last week that they have made major strides towards its development. How long will it take? Some say 90 days, others say 120 days…truth is, only they know. They are a credible nation because they have been on the frontline of adaptation all their lives. There are things in their history that haven’t made sense but they have never failed to step up and step in to help resolve challenges when they have the answer…never!!!

What is going on around you that is designed for your input?

Life has taken you down very specific roads that are dedicated to you and the path you need to follow. Where you were born and everything you have endured or enjoyed has built you in a very specific way that is to benefit the world. You weren’t sent here to just coast through life and just be. You were sent here to change the lives of a very specific set of people in a very specific way. You are not and will never be a mistake unless you take your life off the rails and fall off the track.

What position do you need to take that will open up your mind to the realities tied to you? Take time to find and understand these because the world is awaiting you and all you carry. Rise and take your place; rise and take your place; rise and take your place; you are of absolute importance.

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19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of [a]corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. 23 Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. Rom 8:19-23.

The Simple Life

God’s word needs more hands & feet.


Child of God,  do you see?
Are your eyes really open?
Are you aware things have changed?

Child of God, do you understand?
Do you know what the times mean?
Do the seasons make sense?

Child of God, can you resolve matters?
Is your life fully productive?
Does your life bring answers?

The world is depending on your ability to see
It needs you to understand clearly
It calls you to resolve the things around you.

Your challenge isn’t the man
Your challenge is his socialisation
You an integral part of it.

Child be aware of what’s in you
There is an inward aggression
There is anger from the past

Be careful not to be chauvinistic
Be aware of false umbrellas of culture
Question every concept you know

Lean into God this season
Press in to learn depth
Pursue God with diligence

He desires a man
One who seeks Him only
One who desires to know Him

To know God is a privilege
Your are responsible for that
Be wise how you use the knowledge

As you live out what you have now
Much more will be layered
His depth will be added


Be careful how you live
Represent God right
Showcase an expression of Him yet unseen

God’s word needs more hands and feet.

THE CHRISTIAN WALK, Walking with God

Sitting on the side-lines.


Recently a sister and I were having a conversation about the state of affairs in Kenya and Nigeria and the similarities were stark…unexpected.

For many of us, it has felt like we are in a never ending cycle of pressure, stress, trouble and hardship.  Many look at our lives and our nations and wonder what is going on, what we have done to deserve this and how we will get out. It is as if we stepped into a washing machine that was turned on to full power with hot water and in a never ending cycle of washing. It feels like it is unending…yet the end is appointed to come.

Many times, we feel helpless and wonder what to do to right things around us. We have prayed, fasted, asked, meditated and just when we think things are on the mend, a prophecy comes through that God is angry because we haven’t been faithful, we have not repented, we have allowed madness to happen in His land and He is coming in force to deal with us. Someone has a dream of disaster, judgment and violence that God has said He will release on the land.

It feels like watching a football game from the side-lines.

I don’t have an answer to the prophecies and dreams people have had off late, so if you are looking for those, you can stop reading right now. I cannot share wisdom on those items because I am still awaiting clarity and interrogating my response if there will be any. However, whatever happens, I will stay true to the word God has spoken to me and only that because everything else is confusing and scary.

Have I had dreams I don’t understand? Yes! Have I had conversations that confirm I am not the only one seeing those things? Definitely! Does it make sense? Heck no! Am I scared? No! Do I have a plan of action? Yes! What is the plan? Simple…be still and sit until I get word about my points of engagement and the required strategies.

It feels like watching a football game from the side-lines.

Many of us hear a word or a dream and we panic because it is scary and we think we need to be doing or saying something right here, right now and move…just to say or do something because a word has been spoken. If we do that we would be like Ahab when he went against Syria with Jehoshaphat. He wanted people to tell him they would win and this had created an army of 400 hundred false prophets who said what he wanted to hear and the one true prophet Micaiah was consistently side-lined and ignored (1 Kings 22).

As they went to war this time, Jehoshaphat asked more than once if there was a true prophet of God who could tell the oracles of God and ofcourse Micaiah was called tongue in cheek aka shingo upande. As usual he didn’t have anything good to say about the war because he was speaking the word of the Lord that remains true and had nothing about keeping people happy. He said to Ahab, ‘If you return in peace, the Lord has not spoken by me. Take heed, all you people.’ He was confident that what he spoke was the word of God and nothing could stand in the way of its accomplishment. That is the certainty I am pursuing in this season and all the days of my life. I want clarity that I have heard and I am living out God’s word even if it is different from what others are saying because, He (God) watches over his word to perform it, (Jer 1:12).

In my instance today, Micaiah represents the ability to sit still and await a clear word from God with tactics and reasons for every move. It is the ability to understand that though there are many options of actions, the only ones that matter are the ones God has given. There certainty and conviction that a specific set of actions is right and no matter what will produce God. So if a fast or a day of repentance or a season of mourning is called, each of us can only engage as directed by God for to do anything else is to put the whole army in danger. It makes me think of the Bereans who took every word the apostles taught and went back to scripture to interrogate it and learn deeper.

So when you see me sitting still watching, understand that I am awaiting instruction or that is my instruction. Pursue yours!

I would rather be in the right place, saying simple prayers and doing the silent work of my Father than be seen on the frontline of things only to get killed or injured in the wrong place. I know who I am, I know my role in this journey and I know how it is to be lived out in this season. Did I always know it? No! But time and sitting under the right authority has opened me up to it.

The other thing I understood a few days ago is that I am specially designed for the role assigned to me so the very things people use to judge and dismiss me are the ones that God has placed in me to allow me access to hidden places and secret wisdom useful only for the assignment. I am not sitting on the side-lines doing nothing…I am there being, listening, making room, praying, activating and shutting down, to give my Father proof a life lived for Him.

What are you doing on the side-lines?

THE CHRISTIAN WALK, Walking with God

Balance My Heart


Balance my heart for it desires love

 A very certain kind of love

But you just have to be enough

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I don’t want to crave human love

Until you and I are totally one

You just have to be enough

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Keep my eyes stayed on you

Keep my heart content

Keep my spirit connected

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Keep my walk dedicated

Keep my mind alert

Keep my eyes open

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Keep my ears listening

Keep my focus set

Keep my desire in check

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Teach me to test everything

Teach me to judge everything

Teach me to walk away

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Teach me your voice

Teach me your way

Teach me your truth

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Guide me all day

Lead my by your word

Draw me into your way

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Keep me calm

Gravitating to you

You and only you

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May my life shine before men

That they may see my walk

And glorify You my Father

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THE CHRISTIAN WALK, Walking with God

Hold Loosely


It is incredibly easy to hold on to people and things too tight to remedy for our inner turmoil.

Do you have relationships that are challenging or have failed because of being tight fisted? Do people in your life say you are clingy? Have you described someone as high maintenance and demanding? Have you been described as such? What could the cause of this be?

I spent time digging into my life and found that whenever I was feeling lost and lonely or I was dealing with difficult things I had a few default responses. I would hold on tightly to the people around me and use them to validate my feelings; I would pretend to be okay but inside there is a war raging driven by anger and sadness because people couldn’t see my pain; I would stand in the corner terrified by my life and expect people to see I wasn’t okay so they would come and ask. How did I expect that to happen if I didn’t speak up?

I was stunned to realise that I wanted my people to be mine and no one else’s.

I wanted monopoly over their lives and attention. I wanted them to drop everything and come to listen to me regardless of where they are. I wanted them to answer my calls and messages immediately even during work hours. I wanted them to just know internally when I wasn’t ok and o know the actual thing that was ailing me. I wanted to be the focus of the lives around me that were core to my survival.

In time I had to realise that no one can be forced to be around me nomatter how much they say they love me and no one can really understand me unless they have an interest in doing so and have a divine instruction and revelation to stay around. Why? We are all special and not everyone is built to live and deal with us. There is a specific core. I also realised that this kind of connection is a two way street so I wanted their attention and devotion I needed to be willing to return the same attention and devotion.

I remember telling a friend, and I may have said it here, everyone in my life is categorised.

The journey to wellness and balance demanded a shift to a more realistic view of me and life. Everyone has a place and each place as a sense of expectancy to a certain end. It means that those in the inner circle have greater access to my inner sanctum and can ask questions and demand accountability. The further out one gets the less access they have to personal information. Why? Not everyone needs to know and not everyone can handle the inside of me. Sounds simple enough no?

My people and I can read each other from a distance, from the tone of a message or unction in the spirit. The part that really fascinates me is how deep the freedom to call one another out goes. There is little we can’t talk about and lots of strength we share one to another. We are driven to see each other become better people so where there is foolish we address it, sadness we assess and engage it, challenges we resolve them, joy we celebrate loud, long and hard.

The caution though, is to remain an individual even as part of the tribe.

Sometimes, when the journey has been long and arduous, it is easy to lean into people so much that they become the ones living our lives for us and directing every step. This isn’t healthy. Pillars are important to a building but they aren’t the whole structure and the same applies to our people. It became a stark reality that I needed to find and make space within and around me for myself and my people to feel free to be away and be confident that they will come back and the experience would make us stronger.

It has been quite a learning to curve to understand and accept that my people have friends and support pillars outside me and I cannot change that. In fact, these outside engagements could be the key to making our connection deeper. Even harder was the ability to give them the freedom to not only be away, but also to be silent even for months on end trusting that when they resurface we will be able to reconnect. (The silence for months is my current lesson…wah!!!) This applies to friendships, family connections and even marriages. So often we think that unless we do everything together in marriage we aren’t a unit now I know that to be rather false.

I found that, having and pursuing personal interests on one’s own adds incredible depth and variety.

It has been hard to realise that I may not know everything about every member of my tribe, but I must be grateful I at least know most of the things. The thing that gave me the most freedom was the realisation that these other friendships and interactions add so many dimensions to our connection through diverse experiences, interactions, ideas and expressions.

It also dawned in time that if I want to rise as an individual who is part of a strong tribe, there are people in my tribe who want the same. Could I be the one holding them back by my application of behaviour, culture and traditions that are archaic and non-beneficial? As I have interacted with more and more young people, I also realised that there are things we are the older generation see as the bedrock of relational stability that mean nothing to them because they don’t have the same social context as we do. This forced me to think through finding ways to connect with people around what is important to them and show them what is important to me.

So I say love deeply, connect honestly but hold loosely.

Holding loosely demands that I deal with the fear, anxiety and pain within me that demands I have certain people and conditions around me for stability. Holding loosely means I must address and resolve the internal sources of uncertainty that make me feel imbalanced. Holding loosely means I trust God to know and orchestrate the right elements for my growth and rise. Holding loosely means I have to trust that the value I give to my tribe is enough to keep them coming back. Holding loosely means that when a member of the tribe needs to leave, I can allow them that privilege without guilt trips and fear.

Holding loosely means that I can admit when I need help and find it even if it means looking for it  externally. Holding loosely means I take responsibility for my inner state and do all I can to resolve the challenges and build strength. Holding loosely means I love, accept and forgive me first then share the same grace to my tribe and the rest of the world. Holding loosely means I am can forgive and move on even if the other party isn’t exactly repentant because forgiveness is for me. Holding loosely is letting go of the pain and learning to live without expectation but full of expectancy. Holding loosely is learnt over time and gives freedom to love oneself and grow into the most beautiful version of myself.

Here’s to holding loosely!!

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The Simple Life

Shattered


The battle became fierce

The separation came to a head

The silence got louder

The sadness deepened

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Tears fell

Smiles faded

Hearts broke

Hope fizzled

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Words failed

Thoughts congealed

Clarity ran away

Only a prayer rose

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A broken heart

A weary spirit

A life squeezed out

Joy stripped away

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Is this how you are Papa?

Do you break us deliberately?

Do you allow the ground to shift?

Do you let it all collapse?

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What did I miss?

What didn’t I hear?

Where should I have looked?

What was I to see?

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It’s too dark here

I can’t see a thing

It’s too bleak here

I can’t even dream

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It’s dreadfully quiet

There’s no one to speak to

It’s desperately lonely

I can’t stay too long

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Defend me oh Father

I cannot defend myself

Teach me to fight for me

I don’t know how to

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Protect me oh Lord

Have mercy on my people

Stand guard I beg

Surround us

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Be merciful oh God

For I am lost

Teach me Your way

Show me Your truth

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THE CHRISTIAN WALK, Walking with God

Deal, Deal & Deal


Have you ever been told get over it and move on? So have I.

I am still on the subject of pain because it has so many facets. I remember periods in my life when on the outside I got over it and walked on but it wasn’t true inside. If you met me, I was happy and carefree but on the inside I was bleeding, dying and in very deep pain. Why? Life had been hard and it was taking its toll on me but the need to be strong and stable striped me of the ability to be vulnerable and actively address the pain in my life.

A few years ago I met a young lady, let’s call her Ally, several times in different settings and on the third meeting she asked me if I was, ‘The Kyesubire?’ I had an idea what she meant but I still asked ‘Which one?’ Oh my! She described me in living colour based on things based on a previous broken relationship and I simply said, ‘Yup, the one and only.’ What was it? I had walked away from a relationship without a backward glance into a beautiful life leaving the other person reeling. But was it true that I walked away scot free? Without any knowledge of my side or state of heart and mind, she and many others judged me as mean and unfeeling.

That day we had a long conversation that has come back to me the last few days.

She had never met me but those who saw me ‘walk tall and go on with life’ without knowing what was going on inside told her about me. In turn she judged me as unfeeling from people’s interpretation of my outer face without even meeting me or knowing what I looked like. I knew this was happening because people I had never met were cold as ice and I only made the connection when I realised which circles they walked in. The pain shook me because I had never faced such widespread hatred by people I didn’t even know.

‘Why did you make it appear like you were fine?’ Ally asked shocked to find out how a strong outer experience can be a mask for deep pain.

‘It would be used against me if I was broken, so I toughed it out,’ I replied.

‘Didn’t it kill you inside?’ she asked.

‘It almost did, but I survived,’ I replied

‘How did you survive?’ she asked

‘I shut down and didn’t deal with the pain until I had the strength to do so,’ I replied.

‘Why?’ she asked.

‘That was all I could do at the point.’

It took me many years to deal with the pain of this situation but I grew in the process.

I have since walked away relationships and friendships when I realised I am or can cause the other person pain and things are unlikely to change. The hardest part in relationships is realising that there is no end to the pain and we are better off apart. As one who loves deeply and totally this has been one of the hardest things to learn but I now understand that if I being with me will cause one of us to fail in the end I must leave even if you don’t understand right then. I fight for important relationships but when I also let go when being together will create a form of death or loss.

It is very easy to be judged because of a side of me that people don’t or didn’t see. They didn’t see the years I spent second guessing my worth because of making an unpopular choice. They didn’t see the deep sadness and loneliness in the ensuing days because of lost routines and networks. They didn’t see the struggle of faith because the very people I expected to walk with me shunned me for a choice they thought wasn’t good but in time has proved to be the best choice ever. They couldn’t see because I couldn’t dare show it to them without looking foolish; or so I thought.

My healing came when I learnt that I am not perfect and I can cause pain to others. Healing was a journey with lots of help along the way. There are a few things I need to highlight that helped me along the way:

  1. Self-reflection: I had to look within and understand who I am, why I am here, whether I am on track, where I got on track and if I could get back on track. I had to look and see the pain I had and continued to cause others. I had to face it even if it was hard because in life we aren’t taught to easily accept that we have made a mistake or a wrong turn and need to course correct. This step set the important pace to healing because it enabled me realise I wasn’t perfect and also have an end game to work towards. I am still working towards that goal.
  2. Honest People: I remember the thing that kept me going at the beginning was an unlikely group of friends. A few of my male friends came alongside me and became my crew. They checked on me every day, the caught me up on all the things people were saying about me, they invited me to hang out and made sure I ate. They taught me that I have to be deliberate in life to build a community who believe me, stand by me, are confident enough to challenge my ideas and opinions. They taught me the value of total acceptance and no judgement. It took a few more years for me to really be able to accept totally and not judge but they set the foundation for me. In the ensuing years, we are no longer close but I know I need to have a few close people to hold me to account.
  3. Emotional outlet: It was important to let the pain out in tears but mine used to be non-existent so I didn’t have that outlet. I didn’t even know how to throw things or scream to relieve the internal pressure. What did I have? I had words and hands, simple huh? I poured out my heart, fears and would be tears into a heap of journals, some of which I destroyed as I dealt with matters. They became the outlet I needed to deal and the place to find peace at the end of the day. They still allow me to go back to the remaining ones and remember how I need to keep growing no matter how challenging it gets.
  4. Counselling: There were things I couldn’t handle alone so I sat with a professional in to work through the issues. What was interesting was all the people I sat with emphasised that I couldn’t change the other person so I must focus on dealing with me and the things within me that needed changing and growing. It was hard at first because we would identify how I felt, why I felt that way, who caused it, how it was affecting me and how to get back to healing. These sessions helped me realise that I could only change me and that had to be my focus.
  5. Closure: I learnt it wasn’t always possible to find closure on my one so as often as I could I went back to people I had differences with and had difficult conversations. In these chats we had some of the most intense conversations. In time I realised that sometimes when relationships end, one side may not know what happened or why things went south while the other has a clear idea. I found that both sides have differing opinions of why and how it affected and honest deep conversation could start deep healing. I found that I had to be so present and honest and even though it was hard we came away as better, more grounded people. What could be better than that?
  6. Forgiveness: The thing that has blown my mind is how the simple act of asking for and receiving forgiveness has major healing power.  It was unreal when after a long conversation one of my friends asked for forgiveness for the pain caused yet I was the one who walked away. Another apologised for not protecting me when people begun to tearing me apart by telling his side. I was always the culprit who assumed they knew why I left so I was always on the hook apologising for the assumptions. In the last year I have seen how forgiveness changes situations and I am glad to be part of them.

There isn’t a simple way to deal with the pain of life but to deal, deal, and deal. We cannot hide from it or walk away, but we can deal with it and use it as fuel for the next phase of life. Once through the process, I realised that the pain of my past was the best classroom and launch pad for my life. I learnt to walk free and light because even when I could not talk it out with those causing me pain or those I have caused pain, I could work through it and come out on the other side stronger and better.

I am better because of the pain I have been through. I am less judgmental and legalistic. I am more compassionate and understanding. I still demand 100% from myself and my people but I no longer expect people to move at my pace but push them to move swiftly at their pace. In the middle of pain it feels really bad and we want it to end but on the other side of pain I find that we have more strength that we ever thought possible.

I therefore say, don’t avoid pain, deal with it, learn from it and become the best version of you.

You are beloved.