Communication: Our Heartbeat

This journey continues to change me. Just when I think I have learnt it all, something comes up and begs for an answer. This week it has been all that,

‘Communication…intentional communication is the key.’

Remember at the start, coach had me decide on my goals and set the targets myself so I would not blame anyone for them? Selecting the goals was the easy part. I opted to do a digital food diary so he sees I am eating and daily exercise with a bi-weekly weigh in. How do we keep this accountability thing going? Communication! Every day I post my routine, food and lessons if any and he responds with questions, insights and encouragement. It can get tiring and it is easy to say what the heck and walk away.

The other day as I was mulling over this and kind of complaining to God, He drew a line from here to the rest of my life. He reminded me of conversations I have had about communication, and the fact that it is the key beyond my life change plan. The lessons He is teaching here are critical for my next phase. so I stopped to interrogate the lessons.

Several questions came up.

  • How is consistent communication achieved and maintained through decades of life?
  • Does true, open and honest communication exist?
  • Is consistent, intentional communication even a possibility?

Yes this kind of communication is possible when it is premised on trust. If I trust you, I won’t catch feelings i.e. take things personally, when you speak your truth and you won’t when I speak mine. As humans, we often catch and we must build the kind of communication that repeatedly proves itself to the point we know the other person truly cares so we can trust their motives and that they won’t intentionally break us down. When we learn to listen to what is being said and the person is being genuine it is possible to accept it as honest. That’s the best kind of communication though it is a bit rare.

Most of us don’t have the time, patience, know-how, desire or capacity to deal with the ensuing vulnerability from honest communication. It takes truly hearing what the other person says, trusting it and living by it. It takes saying what you mean clearly and honestly and living by it. I remember times when coach would question a routine or the number of reps I was doing and all I heard was you are not good enough and went off. He’d push back and ask where the insecurity is coming from then explain what he meant. It took a while for me really see that he was really interested in my growth so he would call me out when he noticed I was settling.

Honest communication therefore, means a safe place to open up and where you know for sure you won’t be accused, judged, executed or tossed out of the community but will be heard, corrected, loved and appreciated. It is possible to cultivate though it takes time. Why is it important? We’re built for companionship. The more we connect, the greater the likelihood deeper bonds and connections hence the need for clear communication.

pexels-photo-356043.jpegMy desire to walk as my father has determined for me as a vessel of His love and mercy hence I am willing to learn to communicate as He says I should. Where are you on this journey? Are you even on it?


Just Push Through

For the longest time, my routine has included at least three sets of exercise and it grew organically from ten minutes to sixty minutes over time. I would be super proud when I did more that forty five minutes and would dance around or pat myself on the back until I hit a plateau. I found that I did exercises but nothing changed in fact I was beginning to frustrated.

One day I stepped on a stone and once again I couldn’t do a certain set of exercises. I had to find a way to keep working out so I looked and found an app that allowed me to focus on my abs. This made sense because I would keep the weight of jumping off my foot and I had realised that my core was weak and hence certain exercises were causing me back pain. I shifted intensity, duration and focus.

For eighteen days only I did one set of abdominal exercises. During that time my workload more than doubled and I spent more than three times the usual time travelling and working that I would be too tired to do much at the end of the day and the morning workout time had become impossible to do. I couldn’t even believe it. I would even fall asleep on the floor at the end of the work out as I did my last stretches. Once or twice I could not get halfway of my workout done.

To mitigate quitting, I dialled back on the exercise routines and remained with the seven minute abdominal exercise and stretches…a maximum of seventeen minutes. Initially I thought I was failing but I decided to do it because I wanted to work out every day no matter how little or how hard it got. On day nineteen, the routine had three sets of exercise I used to avoid because they were hard and I just couldn’t find it in me to try them. These exercises were the push up with a rotation, walking planks and burpees.

I could hear coach in my head saying, “Why do you decide not to do these exercise.”

“Can’t you see they are hard?”

‘Haven’t you done hard things before?”

“I have but these are too hard.”


“I don’t know…I just think they are hard.”

He just looks at me in utter disbelief. There is a look he gets when he cannot believe I am doing something that is indeed foolish or refusing to do something that is good for me. It is blank look that speaks…sounds like an oxymoron but yeah!!

Please note, I didn’t actually have the conversation with him; my mind was running scenarios of what our conversation would be like and that was enough for me to really ask God about the way forward.

In that moment I knew I had to do these exercises however hard they were because I have become stronger and I must be able to do more. So I did the exercises and increased my plank routine to sixty seconds each in one sitting. Oh the pressure! My heart rate was through the roof, there was pain in the abdomen and shaking of the muscles but I knew it was good for me so I did it again and I came back to the place of… ‘just push through.’

As I sit at my desk late at night on a break from client work, I realised that I was tired and just wanted to curl up and sleep but the looming deadline wouldn’t allow it. I asked for help and then I remember part of the word given to me on my birthday this week…

…He is a covenant keeping God and His word will not go back to Him until it has accomplished that which He sent it to fulfil in and through you.

He is the author of this journey and has so far helped me get within 1.8kg of my target weight. More than that, He says… ‘take my yoke upon you for my burden is easy and my yoke is light.’ This means I can trust Him, I can count on Him, and I can understand that it is well with me…so I rest. I rest from the toil, I rest from the hardship, I rest from aimless running and wait for Him to lead and guide into the next step and success.


I trust Him to lead me in the ways everlasting.


Not Possible; Unless We agree

We have heard it over and over…How can two walk together unless they agree? It is often used in the context of relationships especially where different faiths are in question but that isn’t the focus today. Ha! Gotcha!

The harder part of the health and wellness journey is keeping to it for rest of your days. Ask me! I have first-hand experience. I was always health minded and have done all I could to remain so but a few years ago after a particularly difficult season, I let go of the tenacious hold I had on my health and how I lived. It didn’t happen all in one day but I slowly lost focus on one thing, forgot another, couldn’t afford the next one and the rest is history; a slow glide down the slope. Soon I had gained weight and I was mad at myself for it but I couldn’t break the habits I had formed. Well, maybe more of didn’t want to put in the work than couldn’t do it.

Let me assure you, being mad didn’t help me lose weight and guilt ate at my sense of value. I was once again distraught but didn’t do anything about it. One day, when I had lost some weight or so I thought, I met an older gentleman I hadn’t seen for 20 years and his first words shocked me. He said, ‘Ah! Umenona!’ (Ah…you have grown fat). Yes, he said that. Oh no…he wasn’t being nasty and he didn’t mean to be mean, he just remembered me as the slim, size 10/12, 20 something year old he had last seen and he couldn’t reconcile this larger girl. It honestly hurt to be called fat and I didn’t tell him but it got me thinking again how I had let go and renewed the desire to do something about it.

Fast forward to the current journey I am on. There are some really drastic changes I have made in my life that may be hard to keep if I was alone. A great source of strength and support has been my girlfriends. Even as some of the things I eat or the quantities I consume are small, they have never given me room to stop. Some have even made provision for me to have special meal options when I go to their homes or as we eat out. They have encouraged me not to break the pattern or lose the faith asked questions to understand and encourage not demeaning. Another great source of strength is my lil man. He is the hard to please diet policeman who quickly stops me when I want to eat things I shouldn’t. He is as strong in opinion as coach and knows he has coach behind him so he pushes me to be the set I can be including making sure I exercise.

What is my point? We all have people we walk with who either encourage or discourage us depending on what life is like or how we interpret things. It is important to walk with people who make you a better version of yourself and push you to hear God and walk in his ways. It is important to understand that there is nothing as good as becoming all God has said you are and will be.

The simple lesson I have learnt is to keep away from people who discourage me even if they are family members because unless we are in agreement we cannot go a set direction together. Check your friendships and relationships to be sure they are adding value and not taking more out of your life that you can afford to give. Remember that with God all things are possible so you are able to become the fullness of who God says you are and then rise above that.




Focus on Him and what He says and He will make all things beautiful in his eyes


100 Days: What now?

Once you reach the target what next? No really…what next. Yesterday I passed 100 days on the new system and I fondly remembered my brother who is a guru in rapid result initiatives. He once told me that the best way to assess the viability of a project or the dedication of the implementer is how much is done in 100 days. It is enough time to really see their motivation. What do I think about it? So this is the 100 day review:


Believe it or not, my tastes have changed! Yeah , yeah, it sounds cliché right? Yet, it is true. About three weeks ago we had a girl’s date and we prepped and cooked lots of good food but guess what, when all was ready I went back to the kitchen to look for sweet bell peppers in different colours cut, added vinegar and made a salad to eat with chicken. Why? My system currently prefers fresh vegetables to cooked vegetables. Even more interesting is the new appreciation for green smoothies and odd fruits that I wouldn’t have looked at in the past. So yes…my eating habits have changed. It is even funnier that when I am out, these behaviours follow me.


These are almost a thing of the past. Once a month I would have the insatiable desire to eat, eat, eat chocolate and all things sweet but now I just have one bite and I am good. A single square of dark chocolate actually hits the spot just right I  no longer need a whole bar like before. I used to the whole chocolate no matter what size I opened. It was as if I could not help myself. Now, it is so funny, I could break off three pieces and after the first I’m like, isn’t that enough and just stop. Oh my!! I couldn’t believe it the first or second time but as it has continued to happen I marvel and feel like I am on the outside looking in.


This is the funniest one…oh yes it is. A few days ago I was working when I realised it was 11.20pm and I hadn’t worked out. Yes, you read right 11.20pm. I had been struggling with focus and all those things but couldn’t really understand why and suddenly my mind looks on the need to work out and won’t let go. So I went to my 7 min app and voila! HA!!! In the past you would never find me going out of my way to get on the on mat to work out. in fact I would be looking for reasons early in the morning why the evening workout wouldn’t happen. Do I always love the workout and do it with ease? Nope. Do I do it all the same? Yes. Why? I love it. Coach just calls it the right kind of addiction since even injury wouldn’t stop me. I wouldn’t say addicted…I say committed.


I didn’t expect such a great change here. Working out and eating well has brought an unexpected dimension in my life. The very face that I have conquered my personal laziness and turned it around that my body is crying out for exercise, has also totally affected my walk with God. Whenever I try to give excuses about how hard one thing or the other is, He reminds me that if my body has moved from where it was to this place of deep commitment surely my heart and mind can too. What excuse do I have not to get up and pray if I will stop work and exercise at 11.00pm? None whatsoever! It has also come to mean that I can fix my eyes on something and follow through to the determined end even if it seems like an unlikely and illogical conclusion. It means that my heart and mind can connect to the purpose of God and be unrelenting to the end. It means that I truly have to live with #NoExcuses.

waterfall-beauty-lets-explore-lets-get-lost.jpgI am grateful to God for His grace and mercy and the gift of tenacity He has given me. For real it is a gift He gives and then pushes us to unearth it. I am proof that in less than 4 months he has shown me how nothing is impossible with him and that I can trust him to shift me no matter what. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.


Love Me; Love You

The last couple of days have been challenging with a combination of flu and lots of work. Several days I didn’t even have an appetite but ate because of medication and the need to keep going. I even resorted to adding sips of energy drinks to my life for the energy boost I needed. What struck me the most is that all I needed was a sip here and a sip there to get through; a 250ml bottle takes me more than 24 hours. Crazy right? But that isn’t the story here.

I have an additional coach who is just as committed as my other one. I have wondered why God would allow two people to come in and just offer to push me as if one isn’t enough. Anyway…I digress. She is super fit by all standards and has nothing to lose or so I thought yet is an encouragement to me of overcoming adversity and physical challenges. A few years ago she tore a tendon totally and was told she would never get back on the fitness path again. Many of us would take that as permission to give up and lie down, yet not her. It has been a long journey but she is fitter and more active today than before the injury and is back to wearing her heels. I am encouraged to own the space I find myself in.

Last weekend I spent time with a wonderful group of high school students discussing media and its impact. In the middle of sharing it hit me between the eyes that my issues with my body began a long time ago because the booksI was reading presented a certain type of woman as the perfect image. Well, it didn’t say outright that this is the perfect woman but there was a reference to certain measurements. dimensions and shapes that were appreciated and I was those dimensions in class six so you can image that shortly after as I continued to grow I passed the beautiful size and so begun the silent journey and internal battle of I am not good enough.

No one external told me I was big in fact, I remember the boys around me staring until I begun wearing long skirts to cover up and avoid the attention. As I grew older I would attract attention and it would make me feel uncomfortable and that I need to change things about my body so they stop staring. It is only recently that I have realised that they aren’t staring (yes they still do) because I was garishly fat, it was because there was and still is beauty to observe, cleverly placed there by God.

I had judged the situation and taken a position about myself, stamped and sealed it as final and then moved forward with a false perspective. On the outside I was cool and confident but on the inside I was always working on getting and staying a certain kind of small so I could be and remain beautiful. As I have undergone the last ninety seven days of fitness, one of the exercises has been to look at myself. I have looked at myself in the mirror…really looked and begun to see the beautiful girl God created, somewhat shy at times, with a big smile and beautiful curves. I haven’t lost loads of weight…just 2.4kg and several inches yet I love me as I am. I see me as different; I believe God’s word over me.

You see, I have finally understood, just under thirty years later, that I am beautiful because God has said so. Period!!! No other reason needed.

pexels-photo-247670.jpegHe couldn’t be out of his mind when he ‘…formed my inward parts; HE covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise Him, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are His works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from Him, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. His eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in His book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.’ Ps 139:13-16 NKJV (Paraphrase is mine)

Love who He created you to be…Embrace His plan for you.


Start Where You Are…

We are never at our best when we start but it is possible to get past that.  Think of Why you want to lose weight or get fit; what you want to change (lose belly, more energy, better shape…etc); What you want to look like (smaller but still curvy); and how you want to feel (lighter, energetic, younger etc) then set a smaller goal to achieve….

My current journey is a result of 5 years of saying I will, starting and stopping and achieving nothing…absolutely nothing because I expected to fail and so I failed miserably. In Dec I had a casual conversation with a friend who offered to help but I had to choose my goals, set my targets, then tell him and he will hold me to account.

I honestly didn’t expect much because this was a familiar road of failure and I knew the excuses I would give. He listened each time I gave an excuse and responded with a firm answer and encouragement each time and of course the reminder that these goals were mine not his so all he had to do was ask. I began doing things so I didn’t disappoint him and it worked for a while. One day after binge eating…he asked me.. *Are you stronger than food or is food stronger than you?*

That was all the trigger I needed. I reminded myself that I am doing this for me, because I want to operate at optimum and make things work out better. So I shifted from making coach happy with the work out to is my body happy with this workout? Have I done all I could do to milk these few minutes? Is my food helping my body? Etc.

I must confess there are days when I don’t do it all the way I want to do it (like all the bread I have eaten recently) but I no longer wallow in guilt, rather I ask what I need to do to make this right.

It is a process that changes your body, mind and spirit if you allow it because it reveals the things you tell yourself and the responses you give. Accountability helps because initially coach would ask about my workout, now I send it in voluntarily…of course I also want him off my case some times.

The point is to decide to start…just start where you are; with what you have; for a reason that is dear to your heart. The rest comes one day at a time; an instruction at a time.



When The Scale Doesn’t Move…

In the beginning of this process the scale was moving and the weight numbers were dropping; not as rapidly as I wanted but dropping all the same. Oh wow! I was excited, over the moon happy, feeling victorious…then it stopped! BOOM! No warning, no explanation, just stopped! After a bit it began climbing…yes, it went up instead of down as I thought it should. Wait a minute! This was a fitness and weight loss challenge to my body so the goals were to lose weight right??? Sure, but the scale was going up. Oh my God!!! What is happening? What am I doing wrong? Oh my God!!! Oh my God!!!

I shared with some people and they said, ‘Oh, don’t worry, maybe you are putting on muscle and that is good.’ ‘Yeah right!!!’ I would think, ‘Just shut up if you have nothing to say!!’ The weight gain caught me by surprise and flustered me quite a bit because I couldn’t understand what to do, if I should accept it and how to get over it all.

I stewed for a bit before sharing with coach because I didn’t want to disappoint him but I got to the end of me and needed wisdom. You know how you want to protect your image and come across as knowledgeable? Or how you don’t want someone to look at you in pity or sadness because of the reversed direction of progress? Well, this process is the daily stripping of that in me so I had to deal with those emotions. So I shared my latest weigh in photo accompanied by ‘😲…how could this be possible?’ This God! He knew I needed a calm coach who would deflect the madness that could rise in me. Coach calmly said, ‘Check the fit of your clothes.’

BOOM!!! It’s not rocket science! Why hadn’t I thought about that? I could be losing fat or mass. So I began to check how things fitted; were they too big or too small? Did they flow well? Did the fitted skirts sit well? Did the flowing skirts flow better? And my word…there was a difference indeed. Indeed! The fit of my clothes had changed; it was more comfortable, the length was what it used to be, there were less challenges and I was happy but there was another side…fewer things fitted now. I needed to let go of things that were too big.

I danced around then gave coach feedback and he was happy for me. I thought things were over but true to who he is in God, coach followed up a few weeks later with, ‘You mentioned a change in the clothes fit…how big/small is the change, where is the most change? Are there certain areas your trying to focus on?’

Once gain I realised, yes, it was important to celebrate the success and to the wardrobe clean up but I couldn’t afford to get stuck there…I had to keep moving no matter what. There was no room for laxity because all those grams will come back in full force and will probably bring some friends along. Wah! No rest for the weary! Wait a minute…that isn’t the right statement. It is…‘No rest for the committed!!!’

IMG20180324082524.jpgNow I could see it clearly…My Father’s instruction was because

He knew who He made me

He knew that path ahead and what I needed and who I needed to be for it

HE knew it was time to make me shift into the right gear.


He provided the internal prompt, the external source of strength, the internal determination to do this and finally a cheering squad to remind me how far I have come.

I love this my Father.