Tag Archive | #40Reflections

That place…


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Have you come up against obstacles and walls and don’t know how to overcome them? Have you felt stuck in dark alleys, in the sunshine, in the rain, in the mud and don’t how to get out of there? What was your default response? What were you greatest fears? What was your source of help? Where did you reach out for help?

I have been in all these places. I have been stuck on the same plateaus for a long time, wanting more not always knowing how to get to the next point. It got me thinking about Christ; fully God and fully man all in one. Yet he remained steadfast in his assignment…he never shifted no matter what. It got me wondering…

IMG_20170810_164450Let this mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant and coming to the likeness of man. And…He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him… Phillipians 2:5-11

He remained steadfast, unmoved, committed to God no matter what and in the end conquered His path. Then I wondered if there were others who were unmovable in their pursuit of God relentlessly.

Esther! Esther stands out. Life had suddenly changed from easy and comfortable with the order to put her people to death and Mordecai telling her that God could raise a saviour for his people from elsewhere if she didn’t set up. Where did the comfort go? Why the sudden change of affairs? Hadn’t she already been through too much?

I imagine her sitting in her chambers wondering what to do. How could she make a difference for her people? How could she fulfil her destiny without losing a grip on her life and the comforts she had? Would the revelation of her identity compromise her position as queen? Until that moment, very few people knew she was Hebrew but now she had a choice; to stand for God and her people or let her people die.

IMG_20170810_181036I like her response. Once she realised she couldn’t do this alone, she called three days of prayer and fasting to really hear the heart and mind of God. This happened when she realised that in her current state she couldn’t do anything; she had to go deeper; her inner place, the secret place. I believe she knew this place from before and sought the face of God before.

I see her asking God, how do I honour you? How do I showcase your life? How do I remain true to your calling for me? How do I stand for my people; your people? Please show me how to do this.

This focus on the secret place bore great fruit…it brought face to face with God, His goodness, His mind. She received clear direction on how to bring His plan to pass; she understood that only He could make it all work out and it did.

Daniel was known for seeking God regardless of the possible consequences. He faced death because he determined to walk with God as His permanent anchor. He was so set on knowing the heart and mind of God that nothing could stop him, not even the threat of death. He was the wisest, most respected man in the kingdom and in the end, his God was declared the One True God. Daniel daily, multiple times a day, spent time with God in his secret place.

The secret place is all about God; finding Him, His heart and mind, going deeper, getting closer, being changed every moment. It is about continuously calibrating one’s life to God’s plan and purpose. It is all about God and God alone. As we spend time with Him we lose the attachment to all things that fail or are perishing and want more and more of Him.

We receive instruction, confidence and strength to be all He has revealed about us then are enabled to live fully for Him. All this happens in the secret place of intimacy with Him.

  • Intimacy with God is in the secret place, the inner chamber.
  • Intimacy with God opens the door to the Impossible.
  • Intimacy with God is the only way to do this life.

I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and my judgment is righteous because I do not seek my own will but the will of the Father who sent. John 5:30

No More Distractions


In my last post ‘Different With Reason’ I shared about my left ring finger and how it was a real sore spot for me. I initially thought it was ugly until by God’s grace and mercy, I learned to love it as a sign of how special I was and still am.

Something has since come to me; had I been focusing on the wrong thing all along? Did others really think the things I thought about my finger? Should I have been so focused on this one thing? So I waited for responses to the post wondering what they would be like. Would they confirm that people thought it hideous or that no one ever noticed it? well, no one thought it was ugly (at least those who have commented) instead, most had never seen it and the one who had knew it was a result of injury.

IMG_20170819_114403As I thought about it over and over I realised there was a lesson in the responses. One response really hit the spot and opened my eyes;

…thanks for sharing dearest friend. Can you imagine in all those years I never noticed or knew? Just goes to say that who you are, your personality, your traits and your inner self struck me a lot more…NK

This is from someone I have known since primary school. Here I was sweating how this finger looked yet it didn’t matter to people; in fact, they didn’t even notice or think about it. How crazy that this really big thing in my life was nothing to the rest of the world. How much time had I lost thinking about and hiding it from people who were totally unaware of it? Where else could I have focused my energy? My! I was floored.

img_20151231_162239.jpgAnother response that caught my attention said:

I never knew the story behind the curved nail; all I knew was you must have gotten injured…it’s beautiful and a part of what makes you, you…SW

How could it be? What else have I been stuck about in my life? What else has me grounded that should have just been a part of my day and life? How do I recognise the things that are really important and deal with them and work through the rest? What could I have done with all the energy spent on worrying what people thought about my finger and all the energy spent on insecurity?

It all came back to two things FOCUS and PROCESS.

What should I focus on? To start, there is good in every situation. Second, there are lessons to learn in every challenge that comes my way. Third, there is growth in every victory and celebration.

Then there is the process. How should I proceed? I must learn to tap into God all the time and understand things from His perspective. This means I have to ask God moment by moment what things mean never deciding in my head that something is good or bad.

It is by His plan that I have walked this road and come to this point at this point in time. I must be able to stop and learn a lesson and move on.

Today I decide that no matter what I trust His plan and will walk in His direction only. I will seek to know and understand His position about today and then bring Him praise now and forever more.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Rom 8:28

Different With Reason.


There was once a little girl just eighteen months old the youngest of three siblings. She loved following her brother because it was fun though she could hardly keep up with him yet that didn’t stop her and she did her best to keep up.

One day, as her siblings played outside, the neighbour’s dog crossed the fence and came chasing after them. As all children do, they took off as fast as their little feet could carry them towards the house. It wasn’t really that far but for these two little ones it seemed like miles. Two sets of feet slapping the ground, hearts in their throats and screaming in terror as this big, scary dog gained ground on them.

In the nick of time, they reached the door slid in and slammed it in the face of the dog to a yelp as the slid into the door unable to fully stop. They couldn’t catch their breath before a high pitched scream came from behind them followed by gut wrenching cries of pain. The nanny turned from the fridge…oh God! Sweetie’s finger was caught between the door and the frame on the hinge side and blood was pooling on the floor at the joint.

She quickly opened the door and freed the finger to find the bone was splintered and the top part of her finger was mostly severed. Nanny ran upstairs with sweetie in her arms to administer first aid and call for help. Sweetie cried her little heart out and only exhaustion stopped her incessant wailing as they waited for help to arrive.

Her finger healed over time but she was left with one strange looking finger for life.

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IMG_20151231_162122This is the story of my life and my ring finger is totally different from the rest and I kept it hidden for a long time. Many of my classmates and acquaintances when I was younger never saw it because I kept my fingers clasped or folded my arms folded to keep the ‘offending’ finger hidden.

It took a long time for me to accept this finger. The doctor who treated me didn’t even expect me to have a nail but a curved one grew. I had a thick scab on the palm side that started softening when I turned 13 and eventually faded when I was in high school. In the end my finger is a good centimetre shorter than its counterpart on the right hand.

When I was in campus, I found a solution; I bought a silver ring. Now instead of noticing my finger people saw the ring and I gained confidence. This uncertainty changed when a dear friend saw my finger and he couldn’t get over it. I tried to hide it but he held my hand and looked at it turning my hand over again and again; even he ring could not distract him. Each time I tried to hide it, he held my hand open. He would look at my finger often and when I asked what he saw he said beauty. This attention changed my perception of my finger; it was slowly becoming beautiful, a gift, an expression of love…God’s love.

IMG_20170819_114345I have learnt to love this strange finger and understand it is indeed beautiful. When I have a manicure done I have to give precise instructions on how to put the polish so that it doesn’t peel or look uneven. I couldn’t learn typing on the manual typewriters because of the shorter length but I have since found ways around this and a few other things.

This week I’ve looked at my left hand a lot and I have been struck once again by its beauty then realised…I am different. There is no one else in this world like me; my finger is living proof of this.  Nothing can make this finger ‘regular or normal’ but who says it has to  be? Nothing needs to be like the rest. It has value just as it is and so do I.

I am different from everyone around me BECAUSE God has a plan for me premised on all the ‘odd’ things He put into me. As I spend time with him and learn to see myself as He sees me, He will unlock the truth of all He sees in me and make Himself manifest on the face of the earth.

Acceptance of all that is in me is the door to freedom and real impact for God.

1 Oh Lord, you have searched me and know me; 2b You understand my thought afar off; 3 You comprehend my path…and are acquainted with all my ways; 11 For you formed my inward parts, You covered me in my mother’s womb;  17 How precious are your thoughts to me o God! how great the sum of them Ps 139

Perfecting My Faith


My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4

God is perfecting my faith through opportunities that come with challenges. I used to think that was strange until I realise that challenges are often the best way to learn things. I found that when I got something easily I often forgot all the lessons shortly thereafter or it took a challenge to remember and actively live out the lesson. However, when the lesson was learnt in the midst of a challenge it remained front and centre and that made me a better person at the end of things.

IMG_20170810_181319Now, my responses to these challenges define the level and strength of my trust in God and His capacity to perfect those things that concern me. The things that concern Him about me are the things He has in His heart for me; the things He created me to do from before the foundations of the earth; His hopes and dreams for me. It is one thing to say that I trust Him but the truth of this trust is shown to me by my responses to His instructions.

In the beginning it was so hard; hard to understand that the challenges around me would really produce good in me; hard to understand how the pain could be helpful; hard to understand because I had these preconceived ideas what it meant to trust God and how He should work for me to prove His love. It was as if a part of me was being cut out without anaesthesia and if I was honest with myself, that part needed to go but it was all I knew.

I had to understand that I needed to persevere and move through the process with faith and grace, to be strong and courageous. This process must be anticipated and enjoyed because it would become part of my life for life. Let me explain. Each day is spent in close communication with God and is full of instructions and insights that I must live out. this means that each day has the capacity to be challenging if I try to bargain with and beg God to give me the breakthrough the way I want it.

I realised that I need to keep going, learn to hear His voice, trust the instruction and be faithful no matter what. I learnt that the breakthroughs wouldn’t come before my faith in Him was at the right place. I also found that that outcome was according to His plan and purpose and not my preconceived ideas. This is where it all became real. For so long I had this list of things I did to get His attention and blessing and even though many of these things were good, they soon became routine and removed the element of actively seeking God and relating with Him.

IMG_20170810_181036I found that my real intention was the things He would give me for keeping the rules and living right. I came to understand that I wouldn’t get very far if I didn’t find another way. So I asked for His help to shift my focus from His works to His heart and mind. I asked that my greater desire would be to know His mind about me and walk in it with confidence no matter what. Here is where school began.

I had to understand that I could never ever expect Him to work identically or give the same instruction and the only way to get here was to learn to fully #Trust God.

  • To Trust God is to rest totally in Him as He is our shelter and reliable help.
  • To trust God is to focus on His word and live it out no matter what.

This was the most interesting part to learn. You see, I had always thought I trusted Him but as we walked this new path, I realised my trust was in His hand. He was good as long as HE gave me certain things or when things worked in my favour  but when things didn’t workout as expected I would get flustered and worked up.

  • Could it be that this process was indeed the path to trust?
  • Could it be that if I just laid hold of the truth of God’s love and presence it would be well?
  • Could it be that trust was found in the process and on the other side of the process?
  • Could it be that there was a way I needed to think and thought patterns I needed to let go of?

So I begun the pursuit of understanding, looking for examples of people who lived their lives through challenges and found depth in God.

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I Cannot Fail:


I have heard this statement so many times but only recently did it really come alive for me. Everyone great business person I have read about or listened to says failure is a great teacher, and I agree. It is the place where we test our presuppositions and figure out if they are true or not and adjust our course accordingly. However, there is a dimension of it that I never looked at before.

My father has always said that we cannot fail when our lives are premised on God. There are numerous examples of people in the bible who walked very hard paths but came out victorious in the end. So I begun looking at them; Job, Joseph, David, Esther, Mary and others. One thing stood out for me over and over again, even with difficult times and some big falls, they achieved the plan of God for their lives.

Take David for instance who plotted the murder of a man so he could have the man’s wife. When she was with child he was rebuked and when he repented God relented and he was called a man after God’s own heart.

Mary was pregnant out of wedlock and by all intents should have been stoned yet as Joseph planned to let her go quietly God stepped in and explained things to him and it was done.

Joseph had dreams of grandeur and the more he shares them the deeper the anger from his brothers who eventually toss him into a well and sell him off into slavery. He is accused at every turn of different things and in the end forgotten by those he helped before God sent out the word and he rose to number two in the land.

Daniel was faithful to God and kept his heart on the commandments yet he got thrown into the lions den. God came through and he was unharmed but the same could not said of those who had him thrown in there. The lions made a meal of them in minutes of being thrown in.

So here is what I learnt: every hardship or ‘failure’ is part of the process. The intention of the process is to get me to full dependence on God no matter what. In the eyes of man things in my life could seem like I am failing but as long as I am connected to his ultimate purpose there is nothing like failure. I must be like Zerubbabel governor of Judah and Joshua the high priest who placed full trust in God so that he said to them:

Yet now be strong Zerubbabel says the Lord, and be strong Joshua son of Jehozadak the high priest; and be strong all you people of the land says the Lord, and work for I am with you says the Lord of hosts. According to the word that I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt so my Spirit remains among you; do not fear!

Haggai 2:4-5.

The premise of the strength and the completion of the assignment is His covenanted word. This word can be relied on and depended upon for generations to come. In Isaiah 55:10 he says;

For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return here , but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, So does My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to me void but it shall accomplish what I please and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

So indeed, if my life and actions are predicated on a clear word of God that I can track then there is absolutely no possibility of failure. Everything that comes my way will produce more of Him and the end result is His version of success. However, if my life is predicated on my own feelings and understanding then you can be sure that even though I may enjoy success for a while, there will be a limit to the success.

Far be it that I spend my days on my own path. I choose to go back to God’s word and live according to it and never fail again my life. Once this is done, every challenge is simply part of the process and will no longer have the capacity to break me.

Today I choose His word over me and walk in it with confidence.

What about you?

The Next Step:


There are times when I want the full picture from God so that I know where I am going and exactly how to get there but He isn’t always that lenient with me. Well, He’s never that lenient with me especially in this season.

The question He keeps asking me is, ‘Do you trust me?’ and I always answer ‘Yes I do.’

2013-04-20 12.36.39However, here is the flip side, if I trusted Him as much as I say I do, would I want all these upfront answers or would I be cool to know He is in control and it is all well? Now here is the big question, ‘Do I really trust Him?’ Indeed it is a big question that I have to answer honestly.

He has had me make a few ‘drastic’ moves off late that look like foolishness to some. They are moves that can only be made based on trust in Him because they have the power to sink me or make me rise into who He says I am in Him. I battled with them a little before realising it was useless to contend with God. There were key lessons for me to learn and I could learn them now or keep coming back to the same place to learn the same lessons. So I made the choice I needed to make and yes, I do trust Him.

  • If He asked you to leave your job with no knowledge of another source income, would you?
  • If He asked you to come away and be separate with no human contact for a period, would you?
  • If He asked you to give away all your possessions and follow Him, would you?
  • If He asked you not to speak to someone for an extended period would you?
  • If He asked you to be single and celibate for the rest of your days would you?
  • If He asked you to get married to someone you have just met after telling you He is your partner for life, would you?
  • If He asked you to leave a thriving business and go into employment, would you?
  • If He asked you to leave the land of your birth and go to another land without contacts or work, would you?
  • If He asked you leave a good job and trust his provision, would you?

This God we serve is a wise God. He’s all about proving Himself and providing for His children but He doesn’t tell us the full story because He knows we might bolt. He knows we are likely to balk and not leave so He gives us just as much information as we need. Have you ever wondered what it was like for Job to lose everything he had in one sitting except this wife? He lost 7000 sheep, 300 camels, 500 yoke oxen, 500 female donkeys and 10 children. Yet he never cursed God. He asked questions but by the time he was through he had a deeper faith in God and that was all God wanted from him.

2013-04-20 12.35.03So back to me; I have always wanted to know the full road map so that I can navigate the path faster and smoothly. I guess you can tell that hasn’t been my process. Has He given me wisdom? Absolutely! Has it been at the pace I want? Absolutely not! Did I get worked up? Definitely, especially in the beginning! Is there another way out? I recently discovered that there is.

In the last few weeks, I have come to understand that I must make a demand of the God that is in line with His desires for me. The only way I can do that is if I spend time with Him. Spending time with Him daily gives me the wisdom I need for the day and that is what I can live out with total confidence that it is well. That is I must seek God for the next step, then the next step, then the next step.

Walking with Him, one step at a time.

So this is what I have decided to do from now on…just ask for the next step. The full prophetic revelation is really cool but the daily instruction grounds me in His word and purpose. I choose daily instruction! What about you?

Time For The Important


We make time for what is important.”
A friend said to another one day,

‘Show me how you spend your time and I’ll tell you what is important to you.’

Yes, the things we spend our time on show who we are, what we place value on and where we want to be in life. It is so simple. This realisation has made me think long and hard. Take a moment and just think about your life and let me know what you find.

Look around you, do you have people around, lots of work and many good things going on but still haven’t reached the place you desire to? Are you unhappy with how things are going and crave a certain place with certain kinds of relationships that give you value yet nothing is coming forth? Is your heart at rest? Have you become all you know you are meant to be?

  • It really comes down to the things we are spending time on and that raises many questions.
  • What is important?
  • Who is important?
  • Which things would change our current path?
  • What one thing could you change that would blow your life onto the right orbit?
  • Where would you start and where would you end?
  • Have you given the right things prominence?
  • Are you focused on the things that are important to you?

Take the time to really ponder and the answers in your heart may just shock you.

For a long time I was bound by the way things should be and the expectation that people would notice what I was doing and pat me on the back for it. I wanted to be noticed. I was spending all my time on the things that culture and religion defined as important and little to no time listening to the voice of God. I hoped for things, did all sorts of good things, decreed and declared, praised my way through but I was still stuck, lost, things didn’t change. I plateaued over and over till I was absolutely furious with myself and life.

Yes, don’t be surprised…I was mad like a bee that has been swatted or a wasp that was hungry. Why was I mad? Don’t you get it? I wanted more and life was giving me nothing. Nada! It didn’t matter how long I worked, things started somewhere and then plateaued. It was as if I was cursed. LOL! That is honestly how I felt. I felt earthbound because I was meant to be an eagle but here I was pecking in the dirt like an emu.

Then I learned that I must listen to God; really listen with all of me until I could clearly hear Him for myself and allow His word to wash over me and become the very fabric of who I am. I also had to allow Him, not society or culture, only HIM to define who I am according to how He created me to be, what or who is important, how to engage with each person, what each needs from me, what I need from each, how much to give or receive from each and then act on it in my secret place.

Yes, work on it in the secret place where no one sees therefore no one can applaud. 
I sat down and held my head! What? Really? Ok! I had never known just how important applause was for me until this day and it terrified me.

I had to understand that the things I do, the people I look out for and the life I live is so ONLY because God has said it, I have accepted it and no one is watching. Yes, no one is watching and it doesn’t matter. Suddenly I was free to live without regret or frustration because I now had access to an infallible radar and rudder. I begun to seek His path and desire that everything I did or didn’t do was a direct response to His instruction and whether others responded or not I was good.

I realised that if I did things for recognition I would fail miserably and never achieve everything God sent me here to do. Additionally, the day I did something for anyone and told about it for recognition or wondered what others thought about me, I would have done that for me and not for Him yet my life must be all about Him ONLY. I chose to remain true to Him only.

The most important thing to me now is what God has said and how He has said it should be brought to life and affect the world. He decides how He packages it and I become the showcase of it. It is about following instructions in absolute trust and obedience no matter how strange or daunting it may be. The beginning or change has been interesting but as we persist together His nature is increasing as mine is decreasing and we are walking down the road.

It is about the will of Jehovah. In time I have come to understand that as trust grows on both ends so does the grace to be all He has set me out to be. As I trust Him more He gives me more; As He trusts me more, I grow more…it is a never ending cycle.

May our hearts be Truly tuned to God on how to love and engage with the world around us in ways that will honour Him always!

Shalom