Tag Archives: Faith

The Reality of JOY

A while back, I showed up to see a friend with a sad face. A long conversation ensued about where I was on the journey. We spoke until I could see what he meant by sadness should never take root and I should never get used to it. Funny how I hadn’t seen it before. 

How could I, a child of God, have so many sad days? How can the weight of sadness be so settled and not lifted? Did I miss something in my journey? Did all the people feeling down miss something too? How could such sadness take hold of the people and never seem to let go? Some days we smile to cover it, while on other days walk away and hide. How could such pain coexist with faith?

A lot of the sadness we carry is often from relationships. 

Life can be challenging because of how we interact with people and then how we expect them to deal with us. We hold onto those feelings and even project them onto others unrelated to that pain. It is possible to be so used to sadness that it becomes our cloak and identity. Other times, sadness is a tool in the hands of God to teach us to press into him and earn of him. It could be the place to create compassion for others. 

As I write, I see how I choose the cloak I live in; I am astounded. Everything works together in God for my good and His will. I must understand the importance of how I feel and turn it to Him. God is in control because nothing is impossible with Him. Everything happens according to his purposes and plans. 

It then struck me that JOY is critical to life, but a choice.

It is not the absence of sadness or a feeling but rather the reality of God as the driver of everything. Joy is understanding His purpose with this season and then walking with confidence. Joy is grounded in God and only understood through Him. Therefore, I must choose to connect to the Father and remain hidden under his wings. No matter how hard the things around me have been, I make a definite choice. I choose to listen; I choose to follow; I choose to become. 

I find strength in several scriptures that I will share here today:

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings, you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. Ps 91:4

The joy of the Lord is my strength, Nehemiah 8:10

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us. 2 Cor 1:20

The name of the Lord is a fortified tower the righteous run to it and are safe. Prov 18:10

…as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises… 2 Peter 1:3-4

…Weeping may endure for a night, but [a]joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5b

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. Prov 17:22

My journey in God is founded on and grounded in the realities of His word and His work. The promises of God will never fail. 

Shalom.

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This love…oh my!!

This love is so new

The kind that grows daily

Because it is like a budding plant

The kind that gives room

To the beloved to grow and thrive

The kind that always hopes

Because hope is the anchor for our souls

The kind that always believes

Because belief is the foundation of change

The kind that never fails

Because it is grounded in divinity

The kind that is patient and kind

Because life is a two-way street

The king that corrects with gentleness

Because correction can break a soul

The kind that dreams of my good

Because we are stronger when we are growing together

The kind that draws me to safety

Because true love is all-encompassing

The kind that never judges

Because mercy abounds from God

The kind that never lets me settle

Because the calling in my life must be accomplished

The kind that knows my dreams

And rallies me to work on them daily

The kind that pushes me to my dreams

Because I am a better person when I am moving forward

The kind that holds me to account

Because accountability is the foundation of growth

The kind that prays for me

Because prayer changes everything

The kind that stirs me to pray for you

Because my knees are my place of strength

The kind that makes me more aware of you

Because it is when I understand who you are I know me more

The kind that shows me my selfishness

Because a mirror of love is transformational

The kind that leads me to selflessness

Because it is the heart of a great life

The kind that understands my crazy

Because that is a real part of me

The kind that pushes me to deal with my crazy

Because I want to be a better person

The kind that changes my life daily

Because it is refreshing, restorative and heals me every day

Oh I have never known a love like this

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Love is a CHOICE

I have listened to many people talk about love over the years. Only recently has love begun making sense. As we grew up, we bought into the notion that love is a feeling of warmth in the heart and a perfect mutual relationship with equal input from both parties. We thought that with love for one another, we would never disagree or be at odds with people we loved. We assumed that love magically removed discord, hurt and pain by inputting softness and sweetness. So imagine our surprise when we fought the most with people we loved. How could that be? 

Through my journey, I have listened and talked about love. Now I clearly see that I have missed many things. I discovered depths of truth I did not expect and great sadness in myself and others. I found many broken hearts like mine that needed healing hidden behind thick walls for protection. I realised that: 

I cannot force someone to love me; people have a choice to reciprocate or not. 

Love is not a feeling because feelings fade over time.

Love has to be modelled and taught because it is so complex.

Love is not limited; there is room for many people: family, friends, and community.

Love is different things to different people

Love never keeps silent 

Today I can confidently say that love is a choice because everything about love is a CHOICE.

A choice to stay

A choice to leave

A choice to give

A choice to receive

A choice to share 

A choice to care

A choice to rest 

A choice to awaken

A choice to rise

A choice to sit

A choice to learn

A choice to grow

A choice to check-in

A choice to check on

A choice to hold

A choice to let go

A choice to speak up

A choice to keep quiet

A choice to follow

A choice to lead

A choice to protect

A choice to provide

A choice to submit

A choice to obey

A choice to follow in the footsteps of Christ

I still grapple with elements of love because I see new complexities daily. There are now shadows I had refused to deal with that I must now face. There are realities of life that demand confronting so I can share real depth with my generations. There are questions I face every day that need the honesty to overcome. I now know that if we do not talk about the things that confound us about love, we leave the next generation with a false view of life that can severely hamper their lives.

I can only say one thing, And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13

I CHOOSE love daily, even though I don’t understand it fully.

Forgiveness Is For Me.

Gone are the days when it was easy to follow God.

We are in the days of deliberate choices. True dedication. Clear focus and commitment. We can no longer be complacent in our pursuit of Him who created the heavens and earth. We must do the work, walk the talk, live lives that speak of Him alone all our remaining days.

I know that is heavy, but it is true.

It is easy to think that when God is walking with us, we should have everything on a silver platter, but have you really looked at scripture? Who had an easy life in the Bible? Who did not have anything to give up or deal with? Who walked in easy and comfort? Do you see anyone? Is there any life that accomplished anything for God that sat on the beach all day or in the shade all their lives doing nothing? No!! Not even one!!! Not even Christ the one who was indeed God sent to the earth to lead men back to God. So who do we think we are that life should be easy?

This weekend this reality hit me in the face and wow, I was floored. I looked back at the life of people around me and no one who had attained even a semblance of the path God has assigned to them has received it free or on a platter. Each one has lost something, given up something, walked away from something, chosen something, lived for something, loved God more than themselves, those around them and things of love.

One of my long-time friends loves saying, ‘Forgiveness is for you.’

As I was thinking tears filled my eyes when God reminded me about how forgiveness had changed my life. My friend and I had a big fight many years ago that kept us away from each other for more than ten years. It was the kind of separation that tears the two parties apart because you assumed that life would always be good, and you would always be close. It was the kind of tear that destroys the balance in life because you were pillars to one another then suddenly a bomb explodes and brings down the whole house. Oh, the pain…no words!!!

For a long time, I would catch feelings and anger would simmer every time I heard his name, saw him or he reached out. Couldn’t he see how much pain he had caused me? Did he just expect me to forgive him and continue talking? Did he think he had the right to disrupt my life and appear at will expecting happy smiles? Who the heck did he think he was? Why did he think he deserved this kind of attention and freedom to be around me without apology?

Didn’t I deserve a heartfelt apology? Of course, I did!!! Or maybe not.

In time I realised he did not carry grudges even when hurt. He did not hold it against me and neither did he give space to things he could not understand. He simply parked them at the foot of the cross for Father to let him know when to deal. I on the other hand, was fuming and assuming he knew how much pain I had suffered. But alas!! I had shut down, hidden the tears and brokenness and I held onto that pain as the identity of this lost friendship, stability and decade.

Imagine my shock when God began to deal with me about holding grudges and projecting my pain onto others. After all, I was party to the split because at the time it was good for all parties, so how could I blame it on the other? How could I determine in my heart he would bear all the blame, yet I too caused him pain, I too said, thought and projected mean things? To blame him was to declare that I was innocent and we both knew that was not true.

Then Papa said…’You need to forgive your brother.’

Did you just say brother? There is no way he could still be my brother. There is no way I would be around him. That was just impossible!!! And I stomped my foot and stalked off, angry with a stiff spine. Oh, how God does not relent. How He makes His point clear and His judgement true. Over the next few months, God and I dealt with every part of that piece of the past. He showed me my part, the pain, the break, the anger and resentment and the barrier it was creating to my successful progression.

How every time a new opportunity came, I judged His sons and daughters with the same harsh position I had taken against one. How every time someone looked like they could hurt me I walked away in advance to protect myself. How I used this broken friendship as the reason not get close to people since people hurt people right? It was shocking to realise how bound I was. Stuck in solitary confinement and I did not even know it. Lost in the middle of the crowd with no hope or way out.

What? You mean being angry was holding me back? Absolutely!!!

So, we begun the path to healing and my oh my, it was ghastly painful. I had to let go of all the pain I was holding in and using as a shield. I had to cry and let the pain out one tear at a time (my gals used to say that to me cry was a matter of national importance). I had to let go of and burn every memory that had become a hindrance to my healing and restoration.

One day, I realised I as different…less angry, more joyful, more hopeful, and eager about life. I found release in the separation from the hurt and pain. I found healing in forgiveness first of myself and then of my brother. Finally, one day we had the big conversation. We talked about life, the destruction of our friendship, the reasons behind it, the years of pain and tears, the weight of sadness we both carried for a long while, the sense of imbalance until God stepped in and the healing we had to walk into. I realised he didn’t understand things the way I did, and I didn’t know exactly how he had felt. There were so many assumptions around everything that caused us more pain and so few words for so long. We couldn’t heal fully until we both forgave each other.

The difference was…he dealt with things faster than me.

It became clear that forgiving my brother was the route back to wholeness and peace. It was the pathway to an easier yoke and lighter burden. It was the pathway to a new move of God in my life. It was the pathway peace and harmony.

Over time, I have learnt a lot from my brother especially unconditional love. The kind of love has no bounds and standards other than God’s. The kind that will see me falling flat on my face in the mud and come to sit with me in the mud so we can figure out why I keep losing my footing. The one that sees me walking into the dark and will light a floodlight and call me out. The kind that sees me in the middle of pain and seeks God diligently for me then walks as close as possible cheering me on to deal or holds me as I cry on the other side.

I have found true brotherly love on the other side of forgiveness.

Indeed…Forgiveness is for me!!!

And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:3

Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. Romans 2:1

Judge not, that you be not judged. Matthew 7:1

Shalom

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Give Me Some Time

In my reading this week, I came across the children of Israel in the desert preparing for the Passover. God gave Moses the instructions involving cleansing and so he told the people the rules. Some of them were unclean because of handling a corpse but they wanted to participate so they went to Moses and asked him what they could do. They said to him. “We have become ritually unclean because of a corpse, but why should we be barred from bringing God’s offering along with other Israelites on the day set for Passover?”

I love this because they knew where they were, what they wanted and who to ask all the questions. They went to the only person they knew could sort things out with finality, Moses. One would expect that Moses with all the he knew about God would simply give opinions, but he did not do that. H simply said, “Give me some time; I’ll find out what God says in your circumstances.” Ex 9:8 (MSG).

I like the way the Message puts it…give me some time.

Moses did not even miss a beat, he did not try to appear to know more than he did, he simply went back to his pattern of talking to God. He knew that he could not answer anything he didn’t know, and he needed to consult with the One who knew all answers.

How many times do we wing it and say things that do not make sense just to sound knowledgeable? How often do we try to convince people we are good when we are not? How often do we give our children or the other young ones in our lives answers that aren’t truthful just because we are too scared to say we do not know?

There is no glory in faking it my friends and there is no shame in not knowing things.

I remember when we were growing up, we learnt by watching the adults around us that not knowing something was almost criminal so we could not ever say we did not know. The adults never admitted they didn’t know something rather they would change the topic or give some simple answer that didn’t really meet the need at hand. We learnt that they would not admit to not knowing and so many of us adopted the same modus operandi.

I always wondered about this behaviour because I had been taught to ask questions about everything. My grandfather was great at answering questions and I realised that he thought through his answers and that became my new mode of operation. However, as I grew up and found challenges in the working world, I subconsciously shifted to brushing aside the questions I didn’t know’ until I had offspring and it no longer worked.

It is so easy to adopt the patterns of others when we need to follow our own path.

When Moses went to rescue the children of Israel, he was of different stock from them. His years in the palace, on the run, in back side of the desert, and encounter with God had changed him. He had been separated from his people and built into someone who would stand in faith no matter what. The people he led were broken by their years in captivity and disconnection from the word of God and they were Egyptians at heart.

Moses wasn’t looking for easy solutions like the children of Israel because his life had proven that easy was never easy in real life. He had spent time alone with the sheep which gave him time to really slow down and think. His encounter with God confirmed that he could lean on God no matter what as is seen in Egypt and along the way to the Promised Land.  

He had a relationship with God that would be give him the strength to stand steady and go slow. Remember he is the same one who said to God, “If your presence doesn’t take the lead here, call this trip off right now. How else will it be known that you’re with me in this, with me and your people? Are you traveling with us or not? How else will we know that we’re special, I and your people, among all other people on this planet Earth?” Ex 33:15.

So in the time of distress he could confidently say, “Give me some time…”

Can you say the same with confidence? Can you enter a situation without an answer and ask for time to find an answer? Can you be like Daniel who said to a king, give me time to pray and get back to you? Or is your default to posture like you know what you are doing even if you don’t know.

  • I say today, it is ok not to know as long as you know the one who does.
  • It is ok not to know, as long as you are looking to Him who does.
  • It is ok not to know, if your hand is in the hand of Him who does
  • It is ok not to know, if every step you take leads to the cross.
  • It is ok not to know because Jehovah God is in control.

Shalom!!

Opportunities To Listen

Every day provides an opportunity to do something new and different.

I was listening to the Word recently and it struck me that all through the story of the scriptures, no one really knew the whole picture of what would happen except God. Think of Abraham when he was told to tell Lot to choose where he was going. I think he expected his nephew to pick some of the good country and not all of it but Lot did just that…he took all the choice land and forgot about his Uncle. This in essence could have disqualified him from the running.

Now the land was not able to [b]support them, that they might dwell together, for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together. And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock. The Canaanites and the Perizzites then dwelt in the land.

So Abram said to Lot, “Please let there be no strife between you and me, and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen; for we are brethren. Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me. If you take the left, then I will go to the right; or, if you go to the right, then I will go to the left.”

11 Then Lot chose for himself all the plain of Jordan, and Lot journeyed east.

14 And the Lord said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him: “Lift your eyes now and look from the place where you are—northward, southward, eastward, and westward; 15 for all the land which you see I give to you and your [c]descendants forever. 16 And I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth; so that if a man could number the dust of the earth, then your descendants also could be numbered. 17 Arise, walk in the land through its length and its width, for I give it to you.”

Now it was time to separate the true son of God.

Each day provides a chance to know God deeper and move into the plan He has for you.

Lot thought he had chosen the best of the land yet, it had already been given irreversibly to Abraham. It wasn’t given to Abraham because he was a good man and deserved a good life, rather it was given to demonstrate the goodness of God in our lives regardless of what people do to us. Lot took the best the eye to see but God gave the true inheritance to the obedient one.

This is shown again in the story of David. He was anointed and then went back to keeping sheep and not lead the country. Can you imagine being ruled by a young boy with no experience? Well, there was already a plan in place for this. David went back to keeping sheep with his harp and singing until the day God decided to unveil him. He was persecuted and chased around the country by a man who knew he was the next promise and King. Saul wanted to preserve the legacy of his family as leaders, but God had already judged him and found him unworthy.

The story is told in 1 Sam 14-16, where Saul was deemed unworthy because he took things into his own hands, he didn’t do everything God had instructed and finally his days were done and the time for change had come. God didn’t finish him off all at once like He could but allowed Saul opportunities to listen to the ways of Israel and the realities that come with that.

Could it be the same for us?

Are we missing out on opportunities, mindsets, lifestyles that really interrogate God’s word then translates backwards into the path for man to find God?

Could it be that we are so caught up in tradition that we don’t see or hear God? First of all, before some of you shoot me, understand that no matter how much you take your children to church and hammer all the gospel music you can play, their lives are useless and will not amount to much if there isn’t an integration of life and love for God.

Seeing that God keeps his word, everything that is yours will come to you. Do the inner work and let the outward expression be the product of your faithfulness. We must understand that God gives us what we need and no more, so if the supply comes, spend it on the good and dispel whatever you cannot deal with.

If God is faithful, why don’t things always work?

It is evident all around us that Jehovah God is real. He is our banner and provider of everything we need, yet He doesn’t do wants. The big question is how we reach the people assigned to us.  We must pray that each finds the thing we are supposed to be doing and finalise that before God gives us the next step.

If we are looking to succeed by our definition and not God’s unique definition for each person then we will be mad at God for ‘not’ coming through. If we shift our understanding to the knowledge that each one has a distinct path to bring God extreme glory then we will never go around feeling like failures no matter how hard things get. There is a master plan for each life and a way out for each challenge to bring God the maximum glory and establish His word over us as eternal.

What do you need to do?

Each one must hear the voice of God about their life goals, patterns and outlooks that will give him the kind of room he desires to make the fullness of his desires for us. The key is to listen, accept, learn and live out. Can you do that one thing?

Shalom.

I am struggling:

Coloured wave on the sea
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I see reading all around me

I see people growing

I see lives shifting

But I am struggling

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I hear the word of grace

I hear words of hope

I hear talk of growth

But I am struggling

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I see words of prophecy

I read words from God

I hear people pray

Yet I am struggling

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Father help me

Spirit strengthen me

Jesus hold me

I am struggling

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My heart breaks every day

My spirit is weak

My soul yearns for connection

I am struggling

=========

I can’t take another step

I can’t even get up

I can’t pray at all

I am struggling

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I am tired & worn out

I am sad

I am lonely

I am struggling

=========

How do I walk on?

How do I thrive?

How do I rise?

I am struggling

=========

How do I find hope?

How do I connect to strength?

How do I find peace?

I am struggling

=========

Cover me please

Hold me up please

Strengthen my walk

For I am struggling

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I cannot rise alone

I cannot believe alone

I cannot walk alone

I am struggling

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Dear God

If you don’t come through

If I can’t rise

I will keep struggling

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I don’t want to stagnate

I don’t want to die

I don’t want to get stuck

I don’t want to keep struggling

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Hidden

Here I stand in the middle of a crowd

Yet unseen

Here I am on the hill

Yet unseen

Here I stand by the water

Yet unseen

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Many ask to be hidden

Yet I am unseen

Many asked to be shielded

Yet I am unseen

Many avoid the attention

Yet I am unseen

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It feels like I am transparent

Yes unseen

It feels like my day never comes

Yes unseen

It feels dark everyday

Yes unseen

===============

How can I be so hidden?

How can I be so unseen?

How do I miss the light?

How do I walk so light footed?

How can I be found?

Why am I unseen?

===============

I wasn’t born to be unseen

I wasn’t born to be a shadow

I wasn’t born to be a tree

I wasn’t born to be a blade of grass

Yet that is how I feel

For I am unseen

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Will this ever change?

Will I one day rise?

Will the day dawn?

Will the light shine on me?

Will the darkness lift?

Will I ever be seen?

===============

Why do you want to so visible child?

Why is the limelight so important?

Why are so enamoured?

Why do you smell of desperation?

Why do you get so upset?

When I have made you unseen

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You are hidden under my wings

You are kept in the cleft of the rock

You are hidden in my house

You are kept in the place of safety

You are hidden to be secure

You shall be seen

===============

You are hidden as you grow

You are hidden as you rise

You are hidden as you become

You are hidden as you gain strength

You are hidden until you are ready

You shall be seen

===============

There is a plan

There is a lifeline

There is a process

There is a pattern

There is a destination

You shall be seen

===============

Be still

Be patient

Be diligent

Be strong

Be wise

Await your unveiling

===============

There is a time

There is a place

There is a day

There is a way

There is an outburst

Await your unveiling

===============

You will be seen

face hidden
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Haves & Have Nots

Every time I thought about the haves and have nots, I would think about extremely rich people sipping champagne in their homes overlooking pristine green lawns just beyond their swimming pool. Or people living in leafy suburbs, who ever created that phrase, with two or more expensive cars in the drive, children in high end schools with trips abroad and holidays at exotic destinations. People living lives I envied.

It had always been clear that I did not belong to the haves and I needed to aspire to become one. We were taught to pursue possession and position with the intention of getting away from our roots of struggle and make a better life. This gave rise to clusters of things that would divide us into haves and have nots including education, place of origin, residence, type of home, tribe, languages spoken, place of work, position to name a few.

So imagine my surprise when my eyes begun to see another dimension.

In reality there will always be people who have more than me and those with less. There will always be something to aspire to, something to let go of, something to dream about and something to intentionally grow into. Unless I adjust my realities and perceptions I will always feel like a have not even when I have abundance with and within me.

We were raised to pursue recognition for power and influence but what if I already have so much more than I could ever dream? What if the things that cloud my vision is my world view? What if I need a different set of eyes and ears? It is quite simple…I must look at life from a place of gratitude and appreciation of what I already have. I must adopt a focus on tracking the good in my life will shift my focus and make me a better person to live with and be around.

I never thought I was a have until I realised I was.

It became apparent that I have many blessings that others don’t. Let me explain. If I have a roof over my head and a warm bed, I am a have. If my child can go to school every term with minimal stress, I am a have. If I can smile and celebrate life with people I love and appreciate, I am a have. If I still have a guaranteed job in this season, I am have. If I have peace of mind right now, I am most definitely a have.

If I have food on the table and water in my taps, I am a have. If I have hope for tomorrow and faith it will all work, I am a have. If I have a place to keep learning and growing, I am a have. If can take a holiday every once in a while, I am a have. If I have access to higher education when I need it, I am a have. If I have money to travel to and from work and other places I am a have. If I am loved deeply and truly, I am a have.

I am a have because I can get into a vehicle and travel to another county to work of visit friends, I don’t have to worry about my child being bored and hopeless because he is still able to access school and e-learning, my family is still together and adjusting well to spending so much time around each other.

Reality check: having isn’t about possessions, money or power.

Too often we are preoccupied with what we don’t have and spend our lives complaining about it yet we are in a good place. It is all about perspective and understanding. In Genesis the children of Israel were invited to live in Goshen and escape from the great famine God had predicted through Joseph. They came to fulfil the prophesy God gave in Gen 15:13 that they would be in captivity for four hundred and thirty years.

In Exodus we find them leaving Egypt in victory but later wandering the desert. They spent so much time complaining when Moses asked for their freedom and Pharaoh became obstinate. They spent even more time complaining about food and water in the dessert yet they were loaded with jewellery and fine linen. They were led by a pillar of light and cloud, they had manna provided every day and had the greatest signs and wonders of God provided for a whole people. They were in the sweet spot with God’s plan yet they complained and whined a lot.

They didn’t realise they are true haves…the one’s in God’s heart.

I must realise that I am a have because God loves me, created me for a reason and has given me a lot. I must understand that to him who much is given much is required so God has a big plan for me that I must rise into. There are places of growth in all of us to be fullness of the plan of God and I can only attain them if I stay close to him no matter what. I am a have because I have options and not because I have famous people around me.

As I look around and realise that I am a have because I cannot walk away from the plan of God. I am a have because the patterns of my life are building to a climax that must attain the will of God. I am a have because God has richly blessed me with life and love beyond measure.

Things come to a head when I must accept that I am a have then make my life count.

To think of myself as a have not changes my balance and sense of life and leads to complaining like the Israelites and we all know where that landed them. I must choose to be different and change my life and help others do the same. There are a few things that will make a lasting change to the state of my heart:

  • Acceptance: Appreciate what I have and have had in the past
  • Joy: Choose to be content with what I have and grateful what whatever else God is about to bring my way.
  • Speak out: Notice and stand up for those who have less and need an advocate.
  • Give: Find someone to share the bounty of my life with.

Shalom

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Look Back To Grow

It is never easy to walk a separate path but it is important.

At the end of week I like to spend time looking back at the week, find lessons and places of growth. I know people who don’t like to look back because it shows them where they have failed but in my case, it is the only way I can grow consistently. It hasn’t always been easy to do but as I have gotten older (ha…I never thought I would use that phrase), I have learnt the value of looking back to grow and not to stagnate.

A few years ago, every time I looked back all I saw was the things I didn’t do well, the ones that failed, the places I embarrassed myself and all the other similar stuff. I would beat myself with a big stick and wallow in the mud for months on end even as I walked around with seeming confidence. In this period I learnt the fallacy of ‘fake it till you make it,’ in reference to my life. I faked it, and faked it and faked it but never really made it.

It took a candid self-evaluation to see the challenge.

The pattern of my life doesn’t allow faking or pulling the wool over people’s eyes. As I have learnt that, I have come to see the value to real, personal evaluation to get ahead and keep moving forward. It took collapsing businesses and really challenging situations to stop me in the tracks and begin to do different.

Can you imagine sitting with yourself starting the day with a to do list and at the end of every day, looking back at the list to find what you hit or missed? That was my pattern for a while. It got me on track and kept me moving forward because there were specific things I needed to get done and nine out of ten times I got more than eighty percent done and done well. It was disheartening to have things left on the list but it was encouraging to have things ticked off.

This worked until the list became a tether.

The reality that a good thing can become a hindrance really blew my mind open. Are lists good? Absolutely! Can they become bondage? You had better believe it! This realisation pushed me to find a way to have trackers in life that are supportive and not hindrances. It wasn’t easy but in time sense came.

  1. Track life: I began to look for patterns in my life. What factors came together to indicate change was afoot? What mental postures happened in the middle of change? What indicators showed progress? Are there recognisable patterns in my life related to years, places, people, work etc? Can I see patterns that have repeated themselves? If there are repetitions, what is the time frame and extenuating circumstances? Wow!! The realisations blew my mind because I realised my life was built around patterns of four, seven and twelve (story for another day).
  2. Think: For decades I heard the call to meditate and I thought it was a thing I couldn’t do. I was raised to do avoid things I didn’t understand and meditation meant some really weird things for me. In 2018 I begun to understand that meaning of meditation in the bible is tied to reading scripture and thinking deeply about it. taking the concepts of scripture and turning them every which way to gain clarity. Joshua 1:8-9 means to spend so much time in scripture that your mind is shifted and changed so you are able to see more and understand deeper.
  3. Time out: The need to take time to get away from regular patterns to recharge, regroup and reposition stood out like an elephant in the desert. I always said that I could not afford to go away and it bothered me until I realised I could get away right in the confinement of my home. Time out is getting away from the routine so if I left my phone in another room and just take time to chill, read, pray, meditate or just be…it would really help

Life’s reality is that nothing remains static permanently.

Understanding that my life is bound to change and preparing for it as mentioned above, changed the trajectory of my life. I no longer throw sissy fits when people shift goalposts but I no longer stay if I am no longer needed. I have learnt to walk away from places I am no longer needed or where our values are no longer in sync. It has been hard sometimes because that meant I walked away from income but in the end the peace of mind and provision from my Father has resolved all the questions.

I have also learnt to hold my peace when arguing to defend my position won’t make a difference. It is more important to live a life that changes minds and creates possibilities than to talk about things that haven’t been seen before. So I check my walk constantly to ensure continuation and consistency. I also allow my people to take me to task about my behaviour and patterns because I know they are looking out for the Word God spoke over me.

Steady does it, so that is how I live my life going forth. Join me!!

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