Tag Archives: healing

The Reality of JOY

A while back, I showed up to see a friend with a sad face. A long conversation ensued about where I was on the journey. We spoke until I could see what he meant by sadness should never take root and I should never get used to it. Funny how I hadn’t seen it before. 

How could I, a child of God, have so many sad days? How can the weight of sadness be so settled and not lifted? Did I miss something in my journey? Did all the people feeling down miss something too? How could such sadness take hold of the people and never seem to let go? Some days we smile to cover it, while on other days walk away and hide. How could such pain coexist with faith?

A lot of the sadness we carry is often from relationships. 

Life can be challenging because of how we interact with people and then how we expect them to deal with us. We hold onto those feelings and even project them onto others unrelated to that pain. It is possible to be so used to sadness that it becomes our cloak and identity. Other times, sadness is a tool in the hands of God to teach us to press into him and earn of him. It could be the place to create compassion for others. 

As I write, I see how I choose the cloak I live in; I am astounded. Everything works together in God for my good and His will. I must understand the importance of how I feel and turn it to Him. God is in control because nothing is impossible with Him. Everything happens according to his purposes and plans. 

It then struck me that JOY is critical to life, but a choice.

It is not the absence of sadness or a feeling but rather the reality of God as the driver of everything. Joy is understanding His purpose with this season and then walking with confidence. Joy is grounded in God and only understood through Him. Therefore, I must choose to connect to the Father and remain hidden under his wings. No matter how hard the things around me have been, I make a definite choice. I choose to listen; I choose to follow; I choose to become. 

I find strength in several scriptures that I will share here today:

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings, you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. Ps 91:4

The joy of the Lord is my strength, Nehemiah 8:10

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us. 2 Cor 1:20

The name of the Lord is a fortified tower the righteous run to it and are safe. Prov 18:10

…as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises… 2 Peter 1:3-4

…Weeping may endure for a night, but [a]joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5b

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. Prov 17:22

My journey in God is founded on and grounded in the realities of His word and His work. The promises of God will never fail. 


Design by Akiko Stories

Healing is a Choice

I have never been a person who loves touch. If you ask my mother, she will tell you I was the most different of her three children. I determined early in life that I would be independent and not need people too much. As young as four months, I wanted to be left alone seated, preferably on the floor. I would scream when you carried me and laughed at you when you put me down either in frustration or at my mother’s instructions. As I got older, I resented touch but because we live in a community that likes to shake hands I swallowed down my angst every time someone approached.

My close friends knew my drama with touch and so we high-fived or waved at each other. One day someone asked me why I don’t hug my sister and I said we just aren’t like that. Their facial expression was so hilarious. They just understood that was me and let me be.

For many people, touch is a love language, and I have learnt to absorb that and adjust.

I cannot really tell the root of my aversion to touch as a child. I can however trace it later in life to inappropriate advances made. We currently have a rule of all passengers seated in our public vehicles, aka matatus, but it wasn’t true many years ago. In fact, we would be packed into the ‘matatu’ like sardines. One guy sat on the back seat and once the vehicle was full, he worked his way to the front organising us to stand for the maximum capacity. You would find the vehicle has double its capacity or even more. In those tight spaces, I would be claustrophobic and witnessed many girls get touche inappropriately.

I wasn’t in that class because I learned early on to use my mouth as a deterrent. Yes, I have always been vocal. Several times a person tried to make move on me, but I always made a point of loudly asking him what he was thinking and why he thought it was appropriate to that. thankfully no one tried to take it out on me but I earned the reputation of being ‘mdomo’ meaning a big mouth. I honestly didn’t care because my big mouth saved me from many things. However, these instances and many others of people using touch as a weapon for control taught me to dislike touch.

Fast forward to today. My son, however, has taught me to come out of the no-touch space. He loves touch, so I had to learn how to communicate that way. What a journey that has been. Every day I remind myself that touch is an important part of life for others and have been studying it. I am still learning but I have found that touch, especially hugs and held hands, are indeed tools for healing.

Touch represents connection and compassion.

Hugs from the right people with the right intentions represent healing, they are a source of hope. They are the depth of restoration and give peace. Recently, they have brought me healing and helped me move from one who didn’t like physical contact to one who can appreciate it. They have translated the meaning of connection into a language I now understand.

I am closer to being whole. I can only heal and remain sane when I choose to do the work.

What do you need to identify and acknowledge that is standing in the way of your growth? Do it soon and commit fully to the process of growth.

Design by Akiko Stories

Healing is a process.

I mentioned in an earlier post that my responses to life could be traced back to trauma from things that happened to me when I was younger. My need to be strong affected how I view people and what I expect from them. It also tainted how I expected people to support my growth and success and how I supported them. The need to be strong affected my view of my soft feminine side and even led to resentment affecting my response to the strong male. I am not talking about unnecessarily soothing the ego or deferring to foolishness. No! I am talking about learning to be a girl and allowing the men around me to be male. Where to start?

My first realisation is that there was a mismatch in the divine design for male and female.

The Male is Iyshthe one who pierces aptly represented in his genitalia but so much more. His role is to pierce all around: mentally to understand new concepts and expand the existing one, physically to cause reproduction and safety, spiritually to lead the way into the realities of God like never seen before, and economically to provide and expand the knowledge of income generation, and every other aspect of life. He is the one who sees the big picture and finds the support to fill it in. Male is designed to lead, provide and protect, with a deep desire for respect. The male is visibly strong physically and needs to build the internal temerity to be mentally, spiritually, socially and economically strong.

The Female is Iyshathe one who is pierced, aptly represented by her genitalia and so much more. She receives the seed and nurtures it to life then through life. She expands and increases all she receives. The one who sees the details of how to build the big picture and help it succeed. The one who understands the gravity of what she carries. The one who influences everything she has and uses it to grow herself and those around her. The one who provides strength and support to her assignment.

Quiet trauma that festers for so long becomes normal. 

My life’s challenges that led to my trauma responses have short-circuited my ability to be led or to follow. I learned to look like I am on the team while quietly doing everything and not expect help. In my mind, I am being careful to get things done on time, but in reality, it is an effort to control the situation no matter what so that no one has the power to hurt or disappoint me. 

It all starts when we go through a difficult situation and decide that we will never let anyone have that kind of power or ability to hurt us again. Often addiction becomes the tool we use to deal with the situation. Though my addiction was not to a substance, it was the need to control every situation and never find myself in a position of weakness. This addiction is as terrible as substance addiction. The reality of this trauma hiding on the inside is worse than what others see on the outside.

I now see that even as I have been quite successful to date, there have been significant barriers to my growth and success. My thoughts and defence mechanisms have created blockages that have stalled my growth. It has taken safety and an undeniably loving environment to notice the signs of trauma. This same environment is also providing the needed space to heal. I also realise this is a journey so I must give myself room to travel to the healing. Finally, I have learnt that healing and restoration take time. 

I choose to heal one thought and action at a time.

Design by Akiko Stories

Balance My Heart

Balance my heart for it desires love

 A very certain kind of love

But you just have to be enough


I don’t want to crave human love

Until you and I are totally one

You just have to be enough


Keep my eyes stayed on you

Keep my heart content

Keep my spirit connected


Keep my walk dedicated

Keep my mind alert

Keep my eyes open


Keep my ears listening

Keep my focus set

Keep my desire in check


Teach me to test everything

Teach me to judge everything

Teach me to walk away


Teach me your voice

Teach me your way

Teach me your truth


Guide me all day

Lead my by your word

Draw me into your way


Keep me calm

Gravitating to you

You and only you


May my life shine before men

That they may see my walk

And glorify You my Father


Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

Prayer Avails Much

Let us not forget how much we prayed for peace as a nation in the run up to the 2013 General Election. We spent time on our knees and begged God to keep us from fighting our neighbours, brothers and friends.

Let us not give up praying for the nation of Kenya because we are the gateway to East Africa and our mandate as a nation is great. Let us pray that our leaders will be reminded that they were elected to serve the people and not themselves, Let us pray for wisdom for our leaders as they navigate relationships, negotiations, foreign policy, development strategies, security concerns.

Let us pray for our neighbours that they will engage in dialogue and share in the responsibilities of region building. Let us pray for our neighbours that peace will prevail in their nations as it prevails on ours.

The prayers of a righteous man or woman availeth much…Let us join hands and pray for this beautiful nation that is our motherland.

A man is strongest when he is on his knees…may we take the example from our leaders as they took their oath office to kneel before God and man and submit to Divine guidance.

Let us Pray for our homes, neighbourhoods, estates, leaders, constituencies, wards, counties and nation. For all the people in the land that peace, love and compassion will prevail and the face of Africa will change because the face of Kenya has changed.

Let us pray…… for prayer avails much.