Life…despite all the challenges and the highpoints, I love life and am glad to be here and have the opportunity to make a difference. As a big part of my life, I love to journal and have done so for many years and it has changed my life. Whether I am feeling out of sorts with myself or have had a really exciting day, I pick up my journal and off I go one key stroke at a time to fill page after page. It is like talking to a close friend except this friend doesn’t really answer back. Well, that is may not be entirely true. You see, when I write and interact with the questions at hand, my mind begins to develop options and solutions for the problems. Stange huh? The most interesting part of it for me is that at the end of it all, I am fresher and freer and can now make clear headway. Hey don’t write me off yet! I have not lost it. I just found a way to deal with the challenges in life. Have you ever journaled? Have you ever felt that rush? It is surreal.
I sat with a friend recently and as we talked, I had so much to say about where I was at in life because I understood myself. This has been a season fraught with challenges and uncertainy so what a relief when in the midst of it all I could answer really hard questions about me and where I am at. The scary bit is that so often I get to the place where I know what I need to do but it is so radical that I cannot begin to do it. Then fear sets in and I don’t do anything. It is sometimes laughable and others heart rending.
For instance, several years ago I was reading past entries in my journal and I reached a major turning point. I was reading a portion from five years before and I realised that there was an issue I had been upset about then and had once again complained about in my journal just that week. How could it be that five years later I was still complaining about the same thing in the same tone? Did that mean I had not grown or moved on or was I stuck? It took me aback to realise that it was possible that I was stuck in one place. This let me to a drastic decision to solve the issue at hand immediately.
Every so often I find something that I have not moved on from and I get the energy and sense of urgency to deal with it. I like the sense of assessment my journal gives me. It allows me to look back to the things I am going through and find peace and rest in the midst of it all. Additionally it allows me to see areas of repeat failings that need outside assitance to overcome. I have found my place of stability and sanity.
Even as I say this I realise that not all of us ar able to journal and find the kind of refreshment I find in my journalling. One of my friends put it well when she said the reason she wouldn’t journal is because she doesn’t want to be reminded where she failed. I understand her yet know that I need to be able to look at all options and make sure I am on the right track. I know journalling is not a global solution rather it is for a select few. So it begs the question: how do you deal with the internal questions and struggles? How do you find the answers to the things that bother you?