I have discovered that I don’t know as much as I think I do and it has been very liberating to admit that it.
I have a soon to be twelve year old son whom I call my young king. He is the most amazing young man but is also challenging to raise because he is brilliant and has acceleration. As he is getting older, he is more confident and tells me things I couldn’t tell my mother until I was in my 30’s. Last year in a conversation as we were driving, he turned and interrupted me saying, ‘…but mum, you are always mean to so and so.’ BOOM!!!! I know, that could be an abomination in some quarters but in our conversations, as long as you can explain your point you get heard so I took a deep breath and asked him to explain.
We talked out the matter and he pointed out actual situations where my dealings with the person in question were actually selfish and according to what I wanted with little or no regard to what was good for them. In fact, in that situation, it was always my way or the highway and of course I got my way time and again.
What is interesting to me is that even though we think our offspring don’t notice our behavior, they are keenly aware of what we think and like therefore know how to deal with us better than we think. We think we have a certain measure of control or we are solid but they can see through the cracks and build their lives around our responses. They know from experience how we will respond to each situation and they meet us step for step.
I have come to understand that parenting is about me growing up and living truly as me and teaching him the same instead of giving him a list to live by. I have already established that living by the smart point system I grew up doing doesn’t work so as I live true to how God made me and who He says I must become is the best classroom for the young king to become the same. It also opens up honest discussions about the realities of my faith and how it is applied practically and helped him develop a faith that is his own.
This means that we talk a lot and we go to many places together and he knows everyone who is important to me. It also means that I have deliberately built a village of people around us who love God and ask God about how to deal with us and respond as instructed and who we ask God about and respond appropriately. It means that I am not the only person of authority in his life and therefore I am accountable for every action I take. It also means that I have backup and support to deal with issues I cannot understand so there is always help.
That my friends, is the best way to live; connected, vulnerable and accountable to be everything God has said you must be. #NoExcuses #NoLimitations