The day I met him, I wasn’t looking for a friend. I was minding my business when he said hi. I am well raised (hahahahaha) so of course I do the polite think and say hi. I had also learnt on the streets that it paid to say hi to people. Anyway, that is not the story. We became friends and over the years have remained close.
Recently, we were reminiscing about life, laughing at our antics over the years. It was interesting to see how our lives had been so dissimilar but our love for life remained. I asked how he has remained so steadfast in his relationship and he simply said, love is illogical.
What do you mean? I asked
When you love someone, there is no logic to it. You just love them, will do what you can to make sure they get better and want to be with them. They may hurt you but your love for them gives you the grace to forgive every day because you realise you are not different.
What if they are a pain and keep doing things that hurt you?
You forgive and love them. There is nothing that can break your love if it is the true kind.
What if they are leave and don’t love you, or you break up with them, yet you still love them?
You just love them. You cannot stop your heart from loving someone, but you don’t have to take their madness.
You talk with such certainty. Do you know such love?
There’s nothing much to say. I love her, it didn’t work out, we parted ways and over time I healed but I will always love her and protect her.
I met her in my formative years and she was selfless and committed but my family wasn’t as accommodating as I hoped. I was also very focused on my work and other pursuits that I did not really connect to her deeper needs. I figured that she was strong and could handle anything so I allowed her to fight for us and left her smarting from the expectations of everyone around me and I couldn’t even see it.
She did everything she could to keep us together and I did what I thought was enough. She pushed me to be honest with myself and my people. She pushed to know what I needed, she was intent on finding ways to adapt if only she had the right support. In time I realised we were on different wave lengths yet if anyone looked at us all was well…we were keeping it veiled. One day she said she couldn’t do it anymore.
Just like that?
It looked that way and I took it badly but you know I am a man, I had missed many clues. Not wanting to look weak, I swallowed the pain down and walked tall. It hurt like crazy for a long time and I did not talk about it. When my wife and I begun dating, a deep well of hurt and grief exploded and I had to deal with it. I stormed around angry for weeks refusing to deal with the pain until I was given an ultimatum…deal with it or I am gone. I was about to lose another wonderful woman and I needed to get my drama sorted.
I dug into the pain with the help of my pastor and mentor frame by frame and in time I could see clearly. Hindsight taught me what I could not see any other way, she was my best teacher yet. She taught me to choose my friends carefully and be faithful. She taught me to love with everything I have because there is no way to know how long that person is in my life. She taught me to prioritise my walk and life and keep my eyes on the prize.
What did you mean by love is illogical?
There is no reason why I still love her, but I do and always will.
Did you ever reconcile with her? Have the conversation about things?
No, we lost touch.
And you still love her?
This conversation has stayed with me for weeks. I am still mulling and turning it over in my mind. I’m still not thinking about this so I will just leave it here. If you have any thoughts, feel free to share.