There have been days I wondered why I haven’t written for a while then I realise that my process has been changing. I cannot begin to explain all the changes I have been through but let me just say all the changes have been hard to attain and worth going on.
Food has been something I continually have to deal with so let’s talk about it.
At the start of the process, it was evident that I needed to deal with the sugar factor. I have said before that I didn’t even realise just how much sugar I ate, however as the days have gone on it never ceases to amaze me how much I still love sugar. Yes…I have said it…sugar still has an impact on me.
There was a time when the pull was less but over the last few weeks, it has become really hard to keep away from sugar. I don’t know why but I am working hard to unravel the truth of it. Chocolate has and continues to be a good friend but I have to be stronger than it. It is even harder when my favourite local shop is now stocked with all the imported chocolates I love. HA! Life has jokes.
“You can tell the truth of a person by their appetites,” Daddy Chigbo.
What does this need for sugar especially chocolate, say about me? How come sugar still has such a pull? How come I haven’t got past this point or how come it comes back again and again? What do I need to crack and who must I become before I can say I have overcome this mountain completely? What is holding me back?
Remember I keep talking about having a picture from God about where we are going? Well, I wonder if I lost that picture for a moment when I struggled to overcome sugar. Looking back, my life hit a wall and I couldn’t see a way out and wait patiently wasn’t working for me so I allowed myself to wallow in the situation and I allowed emotions to determine how I responded to life and the rest is history.
Allowing the wallowing enabled an emotional imbalance that opened the door to finding solace in sugar…a place I had left. I didn’t really declare the truth of how much I was eating to anyone other than coach and though he didn’t say anything at first I could hear the wheels in his brain working. He has the gift of asking deep leading questions that get me thinking and I avoided each question by saying I don’t know.
Ha! God’s wisdom is amazing because even as coach seemed to be ignoring the matter he was gunning for the day he would ask the question again and because God is wise and above all, it would be the day I was ready t0 deal with the matter.
Rest assured that God is not mocked or duped and when I think I am hiding things from Him, He is simply waiting for me to choose to be honest with Him and myself. The work He is doing is all about me and not about showing off to the cloud of witnesses. I cannot blame anyone for my current state and I have to look inward and deal honestly with me…that is what I am doing…dealing
The sugar challenge is simply the excuse God has used to get my attention.