The days seem shorter and the time seems to be flying by.
It has been quite a stretch to keep going because of the pain I feel inside. The last year has been long and challenging making me want to give up so many times. I lost so much but I did not know how to get it back or at least regain my footing and keep walking. So often I just wanted to curl up in the corner and cry. Even as many of the people around me joined as we sat in the corner waiting and wondering what is going on, there are few we saw who never gave up or lay down to sulk and cry like we did.
These people fascinate me because they seem unbreakable and unshakable until I saw one stop to take a break. We were in a meeting together and as soon as it was over, she walked out and went offline for a few hours. We usually talk several times a day but not this time. She just disappeared. I would not follow her, but I watched her online timeline, and she did not reappear for a while. Was she ok?
Why am I worried that something is wrong?
When you have people around you who live their lives a full throttle, you never expect them to need down time. You never think they could have bad or hard days. You never know what goes on in the background. I watched and waited to see how long it would be and it ended up being days before she appeared. Yes, I said days. Her profile had daily updates but this time she was silent for five days.
Could it be that I too could take time and be offline? Do I always have to be at full throttle? Did she know something I did not? not being one to hide questions, I asked her, and it was interesting when she said she needed time to re-group, so she went offline. She must have seen the shock on my face because she laughed then said,
“I needed to figure out a few things, so I took time out.”
It fascinated me that she was so calm about it. No apologies, no long stories, just simple words that changed my perspective. It is actually ok to be offline and take time to heal and refresh. It struck me that I had glorified the ability to keep going without rest. I had pursued burnout and exalted the notion of I am not good enough until I was working myself all the time and did not need a lot of sleep.
Do not get me wrong, hard work is important but so is rest. I do not mean lazing around all day and lounging doing nothing. No! I mean time to shut out the world and rebuild, regroup, re-energise. This means different things for different people but could include a social media break, sleep, workouts, conversations with important people, music, journaling reading time, research on things outside work, play time etc…the list is endless. It could be for a few minutes, hours, days, weeks and even months.
The important thing is to find ways to refresh and reignite.
I choose to be different in 2021 and make time for me and the things that are important to me. I am not going to let things pile up rather deal with each one as it arises and deal decisively. I will be letting go of so much to make room for the greatness that is me, but I have been too busy trying to please others.
Inspired by a life conversation I had recently.