Have you ever opened your bed and got in only to shiver? Yes, under the blankets it’s often very cold. All day we have been out and made things happen and then we get ready for bed and jump in then wah….it is cold. I used to wonder how to counter this. Year in year out I shuddered then I came across a couple of solutions:
1. Wear full pyjamas
2. Wear socks
3. Sit on your bed for a while before you get in
I have found that option 3 works best for me. You see, by the time I get in the sheets are warm and I can fall asleep immediately. Unlike a friend of mine who takes an hour to sleep, I like to be out in a couple of minutes tops. A warm bed does it for me.
This got me thinking about relationships. Yes, relationships. I am talking about all relationships; family, work, church, friends….any relationship in your life. How do we meet people? Do we just meet them and jump in expecting to hit it off immediately? Do we cover up our vulnerabilities slightly and sit close? Do we approach people from a safe distance and slowly but surely get to know the people before you get comfy?
I am the classic slow sit in bed kind. I never really jump in deep. Yet based on who I M, it is easy to chat and get to know people as we sit together. Of course in life I have been heart broken severally because I have assumed that the rest of the world is like me and so my expectations have been really great. As you may have guessed by now that I have experienced very deep heart ache and disappointments time and time again.
So this got me thinking and I eventually realised the pressure I was putting on people. Pressure? Of course, I wanted people to do things in a certain way, connect with me in a certain way and reach out in a certain way. Lol…as if we are all clones….Eventually though, I grew up 🙂 and learnt to let go of my expectations and learn to live in peace and comfort. This hasn’t been a piece of cake but what good thing in life comes easy? Right?
In a recent discussion with one of my friends I shared that I had reached a point in life where I no longer carry bile for people or hold grudges. In a swift rejoinder I was aptly corrected. Clarity came when my friend said that what had actually happened was that I had stopped carrying people. As we spoke, indeed I realised that he was right.
I realised that it was indeed a gradual process and I had grown up and matured over a period to get there. Most of this growth happened in the midst of great challenges that could have broken me or made me stronger. I bet you can guess which way the scale tipped. :-). Several things had to happen for this level of maturity and reality to take root as follows:
1. I had to accept myself as I am, as a special unique creation of God
2. I had to define my life, purpose, needs and path
3. I had to get comfortable in my own skin and live there gracefully
4. I had to realise that no one can be changed so I must accept them as they are so that they can accept me as I am
5. I had to release everyone from my expectations
This process is still on going but I have already found great peace, freedom and productivity. Changing the game plan for getting under the blankets has changed the way my life plays out. I am free, I am real, I am stress free.
How about you?