It had taken a lot of work to get to the place of balance in my walk to a new lifestyle but there were still hurdles to overcome. I’m wondering if there are other ways one could dissipate focus and achievements other than talking too much. After some thought, I began to itemise the things that could slow my process and make it less successful. In the process, fear, doubt, pain and people came to the top of the list. Then I realise that keeping silent has helped me begin dealing with them.
It started with seemingly mundane things and grew into the biggest things I could see but fear had taken root at a point.
First was the fact that I didn’t have kit and I didn’t know where to start. Then came the fact that I didn’t know what set or sequence of workout was needed, then I didn’t know what to eat, then I had strained a muscle I didn’t know how to stretch it out, then I wondered if I would reach the goal I had set, then asked if I would look as good as I wanted, then…then…then…the list kept getting longer and longer and the fear got bigger every time.
Soon fear was something real that I didn’t really know what it was or how to deal with it.
What is fear? It is the emotion related to an expectation of danger, pain, loss or harm. It is fuelled by a sense of being inadequate or unprepared for the event at hand. It comes with a great sense of overwhelm and personal doubt and can be debilitating. Often fear causes people to freeze and lose their capacity to function rationally.
How did I identify the fear? That one was funny. We were reviewing progress with coach and I was hesitant and vague in some of my answers and he kept pushing as is his norm. I didn’t answer and the conversation kept ringing in my mind. I was certain I didn’t know the answer but twenty minutes later it hit me…fear was holding me back! I was terrified! In the past I would walk away but now I knew that if I didn’t tackle it, I would be at loss for a while.
What did I do? Oh I worked hard to deal with the fear related to the process and it went down enough for me to see the way but my introspective nature caused me to look at other aspects of my life and find fear in place in other places. It is ironic that growth in one area only opens up room to grow in another. I had heard it said that we must embrace fear but I didn’t know how to do so.
I needed tangible steps to follow or at least action points to deal with this now and always.
If “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind,”* and “God is not a man that he should lie or the son of man that He should repent”** then there was something I hadn’t tapped into that I needed to. There is a process that I must connect to and understand to resolve these matters and move on.
*2 Timothy 1:7 / **Num 12:9