Wasn’t it a shock for me when I sat back and realised that my experience were pegged on the wrong things and I had been setup for failure from the beginning. Let me explain.


We are all raised to expect certain standards from ourselves and others to enable strong and lasting relationships. We believed that there are things each of us should do that will help the relationship succeed. When the said things are not fulfilled, one would feel that the relationship is skewed unfair.


Recently, I read “The Shack” by Paul Young and my thought process was challenged and changed. He talks about God looking at us with expectancy not expectation. How absolutely radical! You see, expectations are standards and make us judge our relationships with others based on what either one of us are supposed to do and achieve. When the ‘requirements’ are not met we get disappointed and hurt.


God on the other hand looks at us very differently. He looks at us with expectancy. What is that? Well, He created us and knows our humanity. He knows that we may not get it right the first time yet He still has hope that one day we will get there. When we don’t get there He smiles, forgives and says maybe tomorrow. He looks at us in love and with the knowledge that one day we will get it and we will be all He desires of us to be.


In view of that, how then do we need to treat one another? I think the way to go is expectancy…meaning that we need to develop a never ending belief that it will be well and all will work out fine. I am learning every day that when I don’t put my expectations on others I am better able to have peace and joy all the time. However, I desire to move from expectation to expectancy, I must deal with myself and what I don’t like about me. I am forced to look at myself and deal with the issues that arise from the waiting and the attitudes I have inadvertently created in my heart, for I cannot give what I don’t have.


It is often easier said than done but I know that with God all things are possible and I will be in the space one day that  will not load expectations on people rather I will live with an open, warm and expectant heart that allows everyone to be themselves and free me to be happy and loving life.


Papa how I desire a heart like yours and love that is deep and wide as mine has failed me time and time again. I know it is part of a process and the process at times scares me to follow yet I want to believe that you are all I need and will ever need. 


A new kind of love

“I had waited so long to see him and then the day came…it felt like hundreds of years since the last meeting and yet it was just a couple of days…ok hours. We had talked and expressed the need to touch base and it heightened the anticipation.

When I woke up in the morning my heart was pounding with anticipation that I would see him. This is the man I truly love and long to be with all the time. Every time I think of him my heart races and my senses are ignited. Every time I am in the vicinity of his presence I know he is there whether or not I know which way he has come. My heart and mind are so tuned to him it is not funny. When do I ever get over this? Then again, do I want to be away from this warmth and love?

Today I woke up charged because we had a date and I could not wait…my heart raced and my spirit longed for the time of connection. Every step closer to him made my heart race a little harder and louder till it was pounding in my ears. Every moment was like being in a pressure cooker waiting to blow and release the steam on the inside. Then I saw him; my eyes lit up; my heart nearly exploded then he looked up; saw me and smiled. My heart melted. Could I ever feel more whole than this? Could this be what love is all about?

The rest was in slow motion. He stood and walked toward me and I was mesmerised, glued to the spot, awestruck, stranded. I could only watch and wait for him where I was…rooted and stuck and lost in my own world. He was the most wonderful person to look at, love shining in his eyes, a smile on his face, his arms outstretched. Suddenly I snapped out of it and run into his arms and it all unravelled. My heart raced, my spirit soared my day was made. It was a beautiful and wonderful day and I cannot remember ever being so complete.”

An excerpt from the journal of a girl in love.

This is also the desire from the heart of Papa. He desires to be the one who makes our hearts race, whose face we desire to see, whose embrace we long to feel, whose presence we long to experience. He loves us, plain and simple. He longs for us. He yearns for moments with us as we walk in his way. Do you feel the calling to be in His presence? Do you long for Him? Do you desire Him more than anything else?

Papa, I desire to know you in this way and desire you more than anyone else. Draw me closer Papa that I may know you more. Blow my mind. Touch my heart daily. Make me more like you. Teach me to trust you regardless. Teach me to know your voice. All I want is to know you more and more.


New Beginnings

I never banked on this happening but now that it has I am so glad He caught me by surprise. Oh…I never imagined. One moment all was dull and drab and the next it was bright and sunshiny…what a joy….what a joy.

This is the season for new beginnings and my new beginning is extra special. This is a defining year for me and the high note of the onset is great. I had been searching for a deeper something since I felt that my life had become common and flat. It was kind of like eating sawdust over and over then expecting it to taste different each time.

Anyway, I begun to wonder if there wasn’t something better, richer, deeper? Oh I was still a believer but life seemed to be the same old same old day in day out. So I did the personal stock taking and could not really figure it out. Then I realised that I was going about it my way and had to stop, be still and hear God on what to do. I had been doing my own thing for a bit so it took some time to connect to the right frequency and gain full signal.

When it was all systems go I asked but He remained be silent. I ranted and raved and he was still silent. So I began to ask myself if I had done something to make him turn away from me. The questions were all good but the lack of answers really begun to get to me. What was happening? Then it struck me that God always answers and it is either yes, no or wait. So what was he saying to me? WAIT! I needed to learn to truly wait and hear him. I thought I had the waiting figured out and I thought I was patient yet he took the time to show me areas I needed to learn to stop. The moments of waiting proved more beneficial than I ever thought possible. I learnt to connect with him and his plan for me.

I learnt that God doesn’t assume I am ready for him to move but requires that I must be specific. I must ask that I may receive, seek that I may find and knock that the door may be opened. When I ask for more of him and stayed put seeking his face and presence he opens a door to me that is beyond my wildest dreams.

When he opened the door I found him. I found him arms open wide ready to embrace me and hold me close and speak his word to me. I found people he had put into place to confirm all his word to me. I found new connections with him that filled my heart to overflowing and removed the emptiness that I hadn’t admitted existed in my heart.

Oh the bliss of this new day. Every time I wonder if there is more and then he comes through and opens up something new that I never imagined. I only have a glimpse of his love and yet I want more. I desire to connect to the length, depth and width of this love that transforms everything it touches. So I must say I am transformed; made new; freshened moment by moment; still going strong. The love of God changes everything it truly touches.

Do you know that place? Do you want more? It is all in Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. He is the only source of love we will ever need. He is all in all and real contact with him never leaves you the same. Join me on this love journey that is a feast laid out for us in the midst of the thing we call life.